stacks

Earlier into my 20s I've prayed for a certain consistency in my life- be it a job or something more, and every New Years I wish for life-altering experiences. Life altering ones had been given- some are beneficial and are of happy things, others are either hurtful, regrettable, and are actually results of un-wise decisions.

A life that is somehow consistent took a bit of time to materialize until I got pregnant. The prayer didn't necessarily mean a child, marriage, a husband but somehow maybe this was my God's way of making me know what is consistent- what is lasting- what is forever.

I guess the moment I'd be a mother - I'd be changed forever. I will always be a mother and in that sense my prayer had been personified.

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Lately, I've been gnashing negativity- I've tons of things to accomplish when I go back, government papers, more home renovations, more things to purchase for the baby, and a relationship that needs to grow-up instantly - how horrific it seems that a year ago we were just a couple now we are both parents. I, at 29 am experiencing difficulties in adjusting, what more to a mere 23 year old?

--

"On your back with your racks as the stacks are your load

In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load

In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

.. your love will be safe with me."

baby update.

i've nausea all the time and i can't vomit.
i thrive on fastfood. jollibee spaghetti meal is a treat. ewww.
and i manage my dizziness with salabat. hay.
my tummy grows ever so rapidly it makes me happy, only when i'm not dizzy and spinning.
my olfactory nerve is so sensitive. i developed aversion to vanilla. or anything vanilla.
i found out i'm craving for not so crazy things save durian- w/c i normally crave pregnant, not pregnant.
budgeting for "our house" renovation would faze me. why is money making life complicated? i'm just grateful we're no longer renting cuz we will have a house of our own. and assoc fees will not kill us.
overall wellness and sensitivity- normal. like i have pms. it did not even double.
j's a darling but sometimes i wanna whack him in the head like those zombies in plants vs. zombies.
kenji is adorable. he allows me to kiss him.
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Lord, I'd really want a normal delivery. I know the baby will give me labor pains but please make things easier for J and I and the baby. It's hard enough to think about being family now.

"Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, 'Oh that Thou would bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast [territory], and that Thine hand might be with me, and that Thou would keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me!' And God granted him that which he requested." 1 Chron 4:10