it shouldn't take very long

“Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar. I feel like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it. That's what is known as real maturity.”

- Snoopy

i thunk i woke up a bit mature by an inch today. i still backstab people though. "sheepish grin.."

as planned shiney and i were supposed to have dinner at pepe's wednesday night, however, things get crazily jinxed at times.. am not sure whether the heavens were really playing mean tricks on me, and i kinda just (after panicking and cursing and some heart-thumpin' and generous amount of worrying..) graciously accepted how the fates would play practical jokes on people..

twas payday yesterday, i've a long list of bills to pay, that included the rent w/c takes a huge amount of my paycheck on every 5th of the month, nazel and i spoke about meeting in gaisano city to withdraw cash cuz it's nearer and tad safer; it turned out to be wrong. gaisano and landbank atm equate to nondispensed cash. my 10k got debited and i realized that it wasn't encashed. so i'm poor as the pied piper..

i slept and worried and woke up feeling better today cuz i filed a complaint in landbank and robinson's and put on my nicest/kindest face. it's true. kill people with kindness. they will die gyd yah. hahaha. so everyone was nice to me today. even the jeepney driver told me to just ride a cab for free this way it'll save me from going up the pedestrian foot bridge. :) at times, the kindness of a stranger really touches me the most. or am just being sappy and naiive. kevs. watevs.

and since i have a few pennies to tide me over til the next payday, i thought that i would indulge myself and buy me a dress. so i got a grey braided strapped dress from bayo. and am wearing it for my family's Christmas dinner. :)

went food shopping and made beef and mushroom pasta for lunch, i invited shine over cuz i felt guilty for always taking a raincheck on our girly lunches or chikkas and missing out on sending ana off to manila. she helped me make the sauce, and we polished off the serving platter of  spaghetti in 2 hours. we also had ice cream. or she had ice cream. i realized i kinda like watching the people i'm fond of  when they eat or kinda liked the thought of feeding the persons i loved/liked. and we talked for the rest of the afternoon. she went home around 5p.

she asked me to consider going to uk with her. i told her i am poor. am like this anak sa kabus kinda poor who'd be 1st to queue in an atm the moment payday comes. haha. so she tells me that we go to boracay this weekend. told her i've to file for a leave just to make room for travel time and this way i'd have money. told her we can go with a shoestring budget and that's gonna be the weekend after next payday. :) so there. we planned to have an all girls sleepover this weekend. it was nazel's idea at first, then shiney pitched in today. so it's gonna be the 3 of us. i hope it'll work well cuz they don't know each other. it's going to be like high school. hehe. and we're cookin' veggies and intend to go to libertad to buy tofu et al. and sunday, i invited her to watch the ball game cuz am meeting eman there too.

i just felt that it's easy to be happy diay. and to let go. at the right time. and despite the daily mishaps, life really has a way of recuperating when it's ill. tas everything really works together for the good of those who LOVED Him.

ayan. kabonggahan nalang. i want to see boracay. i wouldn't have missed going to sipalay. kaso tier 2 cancelled because of their schedules.

arbie invited me to go thrifting tomorrow. ayawkow mowna. magpakabongga muna ako and shop brand new til next year.

haha.

i want that blackberry pearl. i found a dealer. but, i want one in pink. so i can say, it's a pink pearl. nyoks.

on work: i will not speak badly about people who eats me. cuz that'll reflect badly on me, today i learned this from shine: you live your life as though the things that some people say about you doesn't come out to be true. and do not lie cuz you know that you don't wanna be lied to.

am lost in excel transliteration. hahaha.

obama won. gbye bpo. i have to find a new career. :)

i love lolo john mccain's defeat acceptance speech. i kinda followed snippets of the us politics whilst am in the states this year. una cuz people were criticizing mccain's age- cuz mayatap daw sha'g kalit or mastroke sa ugtas sa election, and shempre, obama's a cutie. hahaha. mao lang toh. i don't know their platforms and kevs nako nila. nanimbawt lang ako balahibo at how gentlemanly is lolo's speech. and shempre si papa barack is love. hahaha. today african american, tomorrow, filipino. huwat rajud mo states. kay ako na musulti og i have a dreammmmmmm. :)

Maybe one of these days I'll be able to give myself a gold star for being ordinary. And maybe one of these days I'll give myself a gold star for being extraordinary. And maybe one day I won't need to have a star at all.

-Sue Bender

sushal climbing,
Raen



 

• Mood: ecstatic

On days like these, I just want to eat bagels until I feel better.

spaghetti with shiney at home today.
coffee with nazel/petiks before being mamomogons tonight.

blog later. hahaha.
♥



A song is anything that can walk by itself..

enjoy!!
papa bob.

Something that needs nothing

“My mind ballooned with nervous fear. I looked at Pip and for a split second I felt as though she was nobody special in the larger scheme of my life. She was just some girl who had tied me to her leg to help her sink when she jumped off the bridge. Then I blinked and I was in love with her again”.


No One Belongs Here More Than You, by Miranda July

cuz it feels like july

I looked at the sky just to see what it felt like. I pretended I was pausing before telling him about the secret feeling of joy I hide in my chest, waiting, waiting, waiting for someone to notice that I rise each morning, seemingly with nothing to live for, but I do rise, and its only because of this secret joy in my chest.

miranda july, no one belongs here more than you

--->
looked for apartments for Chris' family after work today. we found two prospective places, the first one was sadly in its most dilapidated state unlike when i first saw it early this year, second one is on my street and is a 3 bedroom house with 2 baths, one that's made maybe in the late 80s with the crazy cat marble floor and a pretty medium sized chandelier, then the kitchen has a very low ceiling and it's located at the basement. who can live cooking in the basement? it's eerie. and the last place we were to check is rented. sayang.

my second sister would always try to jolly me out of my sour mood. i told her i lost weight cuz i don't wanna eat by my lonesome and i'm kinda happy at not eating too much and wanting to "act" like am plagued with some eating disorders. she tells me it's eeeeeew to lose appetite over one reason and tells me that she came up with ten things we hated about this person. i pretty much loved the item 3 cuz it says "he's thin and we're not, so discrimination!".. :)

they'll be here in less than 2 weeks. i am thrilled, i cannot wait.

there are unexpected people who hear me out lately. not that i really rant about it cuz i am normally like dut, but when i wear the longest face it's odd how guy friends who you honestly do not even count to make you feel a bit better are actually there. deduct teej cuz he is an ass most of the time when he wears this i told you so face.

at times, unexpectedly you become the center of the universe when you are miserable. people actually cooperate and put up with you to alleviate the exaggerated pettiness that is yourself. :)

naa ko jeepney going to sm late this afternoon and noticed that i actually have this fondness for this street everytime the jeep drives by on that location. i don't know the name of the street pero the architecture and the old houses are awesome. it makes you feel lucky to be living in this city.

andddddddd! sm is just a huge sea of faces. i don't like being blind.

at bongga si kuyo bob ong. may parting words.

"kahit ikaw ay parang bato na manhid at walang
pakiramdam, mag-ingat-ingat ka naman. dahil kahit ganyan ka,
hindi nasasaktan, kaya mo namang makasakit."

edits: happy 76th birthday jeremy. i don't ♥ you all the time, but i think i disliked johnny most often lately :) aside from work, thank you for always being the most present life coach and always untiring when it comes to giving counsel. You are (although you are already 76 years old) always level-headed, practical, and sound when you talk to me. hahaha. God Bless you and keep you.

on books.

"Hikayatin mo lahat ng mga kakilala mo na magkaroon ng kahit isa man lang na paboritong libro sa buhay nila dahil wala nang mas nakakaawa pa sa mga taong literado pero hindi nagbabasa."

Bob Ong

if i had a better dad before, siguro tatay ko sha.

pret-a-poorter

irits. why oh why. unta nakathink nalang ang writers sa gossip girl na maglook for the fab gal in taculing, bcd para maka kiss kay nate sah?

shusti.

wala ko nahappy joy joy aning eksena. and to thunk i wuz too lazy to finish season 1.

anyway, sakto si chuvaness when she said nate archibald would've been the guy who'd date everyone but you. he reminds me of john lei back in the ateneo. almost perfect. well not quite. pero he's got to be the perfect prepster. and the fact that he wears ysl shirts when you do not even know wut ysl stood for cuz you are a common tao. and wut's nice about him is that you can always go to his apartment and ask his househelp to buy you food and change his sheets and or ask her to slice calamansi and squeeze them for your sawsawan til mairits sha whilst you watch reruns of friends.. (i miss college..)

ganown. and vanessa tells me he's in law school now.

soooo, maybe if nate archibald became a bit cooler in the upcoming seasons, he might wind up in yale or princeton or watevs tong school na gusto sa ia sushal climbing dad.

weeeeeeeeeener si jenny h.

like grass

"It's just those details- poorly chosen clothes, slightly flawed teeth, delightful mediocrity of soul- that make a woman lively and real. The women on posters or in fashion magazines, the ones all woman nowadays try to imitate, lack charm because they're unreal, because they're merely the sum total of abstract instructions. They're not born of human bodies, but of computers."

The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera.

kung wala'y french baker sa city that you're in tas di ka karampage didto to make yourself feel better, ang quote above might help.

♥

i didn't make it to any cemeteries. uno, too sleepy, second, i got scared cuz what if some ghost might think i am a ghost as well and chase me home dibah?

so weekend was just spent sleeping, texting vanessa and michael ty who had been there now and then the past 3 years. dich had been calling to keep me posted about the big move. and telling me to eat cuz she diagnosed me with hallucination for not eating. kaloka.

the coffee diet worked fab. i don't think i wanted hollowed cheeks. i just want to fit in the jeans i cannot fit in the past few months. kaso lang you get scared of dogs down the streets because of too much caffeine!

may mga letseng dalmatians from a huge house on my street. tas tonight, it was dalmatians encounter. so i had to just keep still and not panic, altho my heart was beating so fast i could hear my breath. letseng mga iro toh.

dich told me they'll move cities on november 15. so keken will be here earlier. kairi's not moving anymore. she has her yaya na. sayang. dich would have more fun if kairi were in bacolod.

notice that it has been raining all weekend? ayawkow. today, i had tonetoneladang laundry, then when it's almost dried/dripped out kay niulan kalit. wala ko nahappy. and my neighbors are too loud at times. yung loudness na may angst. biglang may nagwawalis ng front lawn nila today, then mushagit kalit. am like hala, asan ako nang nangyari ang kaguluhan?

:)

missed church. pati church at times when i start missing it, i become too lazy. but today, i kinda went across the devotional and found this..

worrying over what we have lost or has been taken from us will not make things better but will only prevent us from improving what remains.

so ayan. am seeing sunshine this wednesday! :) sayang ana leaves tomorrow.

and lastly, from real simple. am not buying any of those magazines na, naa man sad sa internet. :)

there is one consolation from being sick, the possibility that you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before. Henry David Thoreau.

so i guess one year nako sick from physical abuse and it's not fair if i dwelt on those things that would make me not see what's really happening to me or blur out wut's reality. it's good that all is ended abruptly. and i will no longer talk about it cuz it shouldn't be me who should see a therapist but him who made up all those lies to make me believe that we were gonna be okay.

yawn lang. tapos na po.

edits: muwrite diay ko later about pret-a-poor jenny and nate archibald. am so napikon! why da hell did she get the best meat? and not tp meat pa! 

tcGB!