The stork came real early for Christmas!

Nov 30, '10 5:25 AM

In November 25,  found out we're pregnant as I tested positive on a home HCG kit. The baby, after J and I discussed about plans of getting married by October of 2011 wasn't a part of the deal. We decided to move to Cebu in Jan. 2011, and go about life as a married couple without a child. I've been on potent and strong medication since summer of this year. I've been diagnosed with a couple of ills- ones that will plague me for the rest of my life if I am not careful about the way I eat and the things that I do to myself- so I thought I might wind up barren. I've so much substance in my body that a zygote will not think about surviving inside me. I'm wrong. God has ways, unimaginable.
All sorts of thrill winds up inside me now. I've no way to go but be happy about it even when the imp is really going to ruin our life plans. But who cares, I wouldn't ask for our circumstance to be any different.

November 29, went thru my first Trans-V Ultrasound. Found out that I am 5 weeks along- and I've been clueless. I've been taking steroids, antihistamines, painkillers, and been hanging around friends who smoke. I'm ultimately an idiot for not asking for the print out of the sac. It's looks like a balut, so round, the result says it's just .14cm in diameter. A tiny, tiny yellow sac that'll change both J and my perspective about a childless marriage. ;p Down side is: I've a cyst on my left ovary, and I am hemorrhaging. Tomorrow, it'll be a gyne visit. I am not so scared anymore. I know the kiddo is alive.

xx

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dear baby,

i was in the strangest sense of shock yesterday. i let myself cry knowing that you are already a realization of all the longing and wishing and praying of my past, younger self. i am a bit unprepared. knowing that your mother and daddy had their lives mapped out for 2011 and for the rest of their lives. that they know that they loved each other and promised to be together, forever soon. and then there's you. and it's not only gonna change things in a tad way but in a major, astronomical way.

nonetheless, we both promise that we love you despite being unprepared, despite being weirded out by the circumstance. i guess, now i couldn't quite imagine if things did not turn out the same way as now.

mama, promises to be happy while you're inside and to eat well while you're turning out to be the little one we both had wished to eventually have. mama promises not to put you at risk while you're so tiny. and today, being the 2nd day that i've learned that you are alive, i wanted to tell you that you already have a name and again, that you are truly, truly loved.

in 20 years time, you might no longer need mama and daddy. but, i know you'll be awesome. cuz you already are giving me all sense of awesome inside me now. thank you.

waiting in anticipation,

mama

november 26, 2010

Ateneo Gal Pals in Cebu

DaVanci
Frogo
And Crown Regency Hotel

Kaelana turned 7

27 Juliette

Taffy's first and Shobe's 28th 7/27/12

taffy goes to a party!

swim party for 3

15july

are you ready to parteeeeeeey?

the kids at blyf's party. mcdo ayala center cebu.

Davao!

Last class! Hooray!

Blue Wave 21

When Cebu was perfect.

In memory of Mike Jazmin. <3

Cupcakes in Tiffany Blue Box

Cupcakes, photobooths, class

consolation.

“When my husband had an affair with someone else I watched his eyes glaze over when we ate dinner together and I heard him singing to himself without me, and when he tended the garden it was not for me.

He was courteous and polite; he enjoyed being at home, but in the fantasy of his home I was not the one who sat opposite him and laughed at his jokes. He didn't want to change anything; he liked his life. The only thing he wanted to change was me.

It would have been better if he had hated me, or if he had abused me, or if he had packed his new suitcases and left.

As it was he continued to put his arm round me and talk about being a new wall to replace the rotten fence that divided our garden from his vegetable patch. I knew he would never leave our house. He had worked for it.

Day by day I felt myself disappearing. For my husband I was no longer a reality, I was one of the things around him. I was the fence which needed to be replaced. I watched myself in the mirror and saw that I was mo longer vivid and exciting. I was worn and gray like an old sweater you can't throw out but won't put on.

He admitted he was in love with her, but he said he loved me.

Translated, that means, I want everything. Translated, that means, I don't want to hurt you yet. Translated, that means, I don't know what to do, give me time.

Why, why should I give you time? What time are you giving me? I am in a cell waiting to be called for execution.

I loved him and I was in love with him. I didn't use language to make a war-zone of my heart.

'You're so simple and good,' he said, brushing the hair from my face.

He meant, Your emotions are not complex like mine. My dilemma is poetic.

But there was no dilemma. He no longer wanted me, but he wanted our life

Eventually, when he had been away with her for a few days and returned restless and conciliatory, I decided not to wait in my cell any longer. I went to where he was sleeping in another room and I asked him to leave. Very patiently he asked me to remember that the house was his home, that he couldn't be expected to make himself homeless because he was in love.

'Medea did,' I said, 'and Romeo and Juliet and Cressida, and Ruth in the Bible.'

He asked me to shut up. He wasn't a hero.

'Then why should I be a heroine?'

He didn't answer, he plucked at the blanket.

I considered my choices.

I could stay and be unhappy and humiliated.

I could leave and be unhappy and dignified.

I could Beg him to touch me again.

I could live in hope and die of bitterness.

I took some things and left. It wasn't easy, it was my home too.

I hear he's replaced the back fence.” 
― Jeanette Winterson, Sexing the Cherry

Amazing Davao!

With my sisters

ken and dich on mother's day

crocodile park

LOL

taffy in davao

her 9th month

April Weekend

April 21-23, 2012

Kenji's Outdoor Easter Sunday at Davao Crocodile Park/April 8, 2012

Easter Bunny Easter Egg Hunt

April 8 at J Center Mall.

Lenten Weekend

April 7, 2012

Pasingit

You cannot be fucking happening to me. 

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At 30, I know I am better than this. 

Kenji's first school recognition day/March 27, 2012/Junior Kinder-Ford Acaddemy of the Arts

Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit. ~Robert Brault

Nobody

March 26, 2012

Game Faces

Celebration lunch without Taffy at J Center

I Love You Game

class

Bacolod - ridiculously late upload

trip to my home the past 5 years for the service award

Class again

Wave 9 Graduates

Taffy 8 months

Dinner before she turns 8 months old..

Wave 9- Cebu

blue wave 9 and 10

March 24, 2012

Bacolod Weekend

March 4 at Pepe's with the girls.

February lovelies

Kiddies of late

Labangon Reprezant

Condo/Apartment hunting..

Sinugbang Sugbo

Went around 3 cities in Cebu province with the ppl from work.

Taffy becomes Catholic

;p She will be dedicated at a Protestant church soon. HA!

crepes and some F21

jan 7.
can't sleep. i asked shobe to help me find a new dress. (:

the talking sesame street fairy

le tafa

life lately- tafa

Taffy's 6th Month Birthday

We got her a box of Krispy Kreme, that was gone in a few minutes. And Zubuchon. Again, gone in a few seconds. So she wind up with a lonesome custard donut.

Taffy's first solids

Jan. 29, 2012

west training

enero

self

archive. dis.

from honey's digi

Dinner with the patooties

last night at KFC Ayala and Krispy Kreme
and yuwi..

Lunar NYE 2012

today

patooties again

21-22 jan

foundation day@ford academy of the arts