those lil guideposts

my females hormones are acting up lately. i was nauseated the whole day and lost my security blanket- my medium sized bottle of white flower. :)

but today's not so bad, we got to get thrifted clothes from talisay's depot- hahaha. goodwill hunting galores. czar/anime/some trainers/nazel. :)

McDonald's no longer as inviting as i thought fast food were. gimme two days, i will retract this statement. and well, i ate muffins with the training team for breakfast at mcdo today. nyoks.

altho i honestly wanted to starve myself cuz people always mistake me as pregnant- case in point- the ukay guy tells me, "miga bagay na sa imo kay buntis ka." haha, makatumbling- i then am compelled to really stop bingeing on anything that's made out of 2-4 legs. and yet, i consumed 2 crabs from anime's house(with nazel agawing my share:), a pandesal smeared with veggie spread, one plate of beef spaghetti at home, and even bought ice scramble.

tempted to buy durian today, but decided not to cuz i have to take mass transit yatap mga kuyog nkog dyip eh.

today's been fun. i thought i had at least 6-7 hours of sleep.

Dear God, i'd fancy it if you killed other people who pisses me off. or if you want i can poke some gals' eyes cuz kabwisit sila. panget sila.

"People grow through experience, if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." - Eleanor Roosevelt

that means nazel can be mayora and czar congresswoman, i'll be vice president na diay. :)

man, i really miss my sisters. :( they could've awayed the pangets in the world.

big blow off

forget how to count
starting with your own age
starting with how to count backward
starting with even numbers
starting with roman numerals
starting with the old calendar
going on to the old alphabet
going on the alphabet
until everything is continuous again

- W.S Merwin

i was so mad at this huge american guy last night who thought that everyone is his minion. after that incident i was asked to see HR this afternoon. i sometimes wish i'd never taken the job with training. then gelo and i would've been all right and i wouldn't need to make nice to every one who thinks they are my boss. if i lost this job, the only trouble i'd have is paying my rent or moving my whole luggage to cebu. but, that's not as much trouble as having to deal with huge american dimwits and his filipino clones.

anyway, during breakfast today, i told matthew that i honestly am not scared if i wind up jobless. i told him that during my devotional time, God has given me one promise. that is in psalm 71:20 - though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again. and i hold this to be true. i know it as the truth. maybe those difficult people are difficult because they don't have my God.

argh.

oh on a happier note!

i saw my ent with matthew again. tells me he needs to see me after two weeks. i hear a bit better now that my ear chambers are free of dirt. haha. (don't try to imagine it- it's gross!)

--

i'll miss matthew. i told him at times even though people feel the same way about each other, they're not just SWAK. and maybe one day, he'll meet that one gal who feels totally just happy to be with him.

 

So tell me have you ever really .. really, really ever loved a woman?

the female hormones are the the most bothersome of things created by nature.  the whole weekend was spent on weeping over the tiniest inconsequential stuff.

lemme just go over the weekend lest i forget what happened..

friday: i decided i don't want to work for ops..(magtanda mo na di tanang pinoy mapa-alila ninyo kano-a mo!)
saturday: after shift nazel and i played casino, umuwing talonan at luha-an..
dinner at red moon with the girls, clubbing at ice, czar and i got ourselves tequila sunrise and strawberry margarita, we danced but, i don't like dancing at ice, i like the old mo2  south bettah..then i went home cuz i don't like the smoke of cigarettes getting into my eyes cuz they sting and i cannot see people.
sunday: gelo and the inkjet guys played ball at tay tung high, then they had batchoy at chinky's(the place to be--eeck!) and i got halo halo.. i slept the whole night cuz angelo had to go to work since our rest days are now set on different schedules. i hate it.
monday: gelo and i had lunch at greenwich- i found out bati na ang pan na gigamit nila sa ila pizza,murag pan na dili oa, so down with their pepperoni overload. ü i got me a new logo shirt from guess- on sale. dikapugong.

i still am reporting to work, the huge fishes are saying hi to me, trying to be nice para muwork ko. nge nila, atoot, bati silag nawng. bati bati bati. hi ra mo na hi. and the other guy na kalahi sa adopted daughter ni bradgelina told me to reconsider. I WON'T mah mehn. i won't. i will rather work for the talibans if there are any left than work for unhappy harrassed people like you na wala nahibaw-an sa ekount kundi HOLD LUNCHES AND BREAK til mga yatafs na ila agents. murag palangke ila ops flor, and i don't think i can ever afford to be a tindera ng mga schues cuz the whole time gusto nila mag stand up ang TL during their shift. mahal mag schlerotherapy of blood veins kaya!

talked to my sisters. they told me to move back home, then to move back to BCD once i find a center that would relocate me here. all my stuff should be housed at gelo's place. if not, all should be sent back home.

una, housing at gelo's place would be better, cuz i don't think i have enuf moolah for shipping to and fro.

if all things would work out too- kairi chase(ang name sa anak ni shobe:) and kenji nathaniel would live with me and gelo. i want. i ♥. so sana matuloy!

pray for me. hope all things work out the way i want Him to fullfil His promises. anyway, all things would still boil down to Jeremiah 29:11. His promise KEPT.

something i learned over the weekend: kaya mo man na kung gustohon mo, except budlay.
(you can do it bastian, except that it'll be difficult:)

and on loving a gal, boys should know this:

You've got to give her some faith,
Hold her tight, a little tenderness.
You've got to treat her right.
She will be there for you taking good care of you ...
You really gotta love your woman yeah.

And when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms,
You know you really love a woman.

When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's really wanted.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's the one.
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever.
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?

happy work week. keep me in your prayers. i needed a job soon. ♥

 

edits: ug kalagot. they will not let me go and will work something out. i hate it na masyadow.. sooo inutil..

asan ka nung may kaguluhan?

caller: i want to speak with a manager. i know you are nice. i want a manager though.

raen:(kay nairits ug dili feel ang feeling sa caller na sha ai dakilang agent lamang) siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir, siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir, I AM A SUPERVISOR. and i will help you. :)

tumbling.

pricked.

The sky was strangely spacious and the summer clouds immaculately white.
The Temple of Dawn - Mishima Yukio





















i said i wanna be zeroed in on responsibilities, so they gave me 4 hours to take calls. it's weird how i thought that they may be picking on me- they being those people who have a huge cut of this company's profit and point fingers at worker ants like moi. but, really, if they were paying me to take calls with a sup's salary, i am all for it.

kaso lang, i think everyone here is beginning to fear that they're gonna lose their jobs one way or the other. in any case, there's cebu and there's teletech-gamay sweldo and cvg- back to agent(good in so many ways) or singapoorrrrrrrrrr- if my passport isn't expired.

at this point, it's soooo kyepoi to speculate about the company. but, it sends one message to most of us working for it and who needs paydays. it has this odd banana republic bureaucracy, after 12 years of being in the industry, it's still as katag as being ran by varied coloured monk-eys.
sorry.

oh yeah, sue me. giyofaks najud ko.

on the brighter side of things, happy, shiny people, tomorrow is payday friday. :)
i still want a million pesoses.

trabaho.net

"Hope clouds observation."


Dune



giyofax nako sige chikka about work. yofax ning companyaha. mga expats na angatch ang gapadagan ani. spell barang keeu.


i've to take calls this week. 2 hours. kaso gubaon sad ang tools, preho sa mga taw na gadato diri. mga oploks. so i've to wait til tomorrow.
i wish i had winning lottery tickets so i can get me tickets to tour pinas then buy me tons of vanilla cigar and russian vodka.
booh!


God is still in the details. He works.

gelo is family. someone asked me yesterday about family, i said he is my only family now or here.

truelala eklavoo.

happy work week!


been assisting nesting agents and doing uptraining. feeling busy but, really, i wish i don't get my own class til next next next month. haha.

am tired of responsibility/accountability. am too young for all of these.. Lowl.


edits::
bwahaha. be careful wut you wish for, cuz you might just get it.
taking calls 4 hours a day til they feel like am okay. pagkawala jud klaro ang management aning companyaha. soooo bakya.com.

gone fishing.

I beg. I call. I badger. I cajole. Part of the secret is everyone has fun and that's really motivating.
Katie Couric

I think sometimes people project things on you, but I'm trying to handle everything that's happened to me with a certain amount of grace, dignity and good manners. You just can't necessarily win all the time.
Katie Couric

i might learn from her. :)

two of them classes today were fun because people had their own insights about their calls and their jobs in general. i like it when my class is a chit-chatty class, makes you want to tell them more things that you somehow know.

jeremy mentioned about being a Christian at work. i think that threw the most impact on me. cuz even if it's just work, at times when i show ill temperament and fits, Christianity is almost always down the drain.

if you tell people to change their attitude, they will not really understand it, i almost do not understand it when someone tells me, things are dependent on one's attitude.. yeah, i've will issues and am battling with laziness; so before going to work this morning, i prayed for a good shift, somehow it started pretty bad, maybe i am used to always being yielded to the whole time when i started in the industry, but, i guess it's not always gonna be so, at times you had to yield to other people when needed. and shempre when you are a Christian you don't take offense with what others has to say to you.. (you cannot have always have your way).. hayers, i wonder if non believers have more fun than us. :(


i am a work in process, eventually i'll gather my bearings, i know when to walk away when i am unhappy, classes doesn't necessarily make me unhappy. maybe laziness makes me unhappy about doing things.

some of them trainees told me they liked how i train cuz am always smiling. i almost choked. pero things like this can be fun. i wish somehow, i can be more Christian-ly more than anything.

sana weekend na. ♥

tweak

footahng bastard si gelo for staying out so late to play dota. makapikon na. pero nagdate mi tahday. dutch. *eyes rolling* and i got a new pair of cut-outs from july swim; he told me i looked like a hooker in those. so i would not dare wear them. haha.

i told him if he wants he can play dota daily, he can imbibe daily, i would not speak a word about it. da! napikon sad ang oplok.

i do not want to work anymore. irita ako sa mga daily reminders and deliverables. i wish i weren't as lazy. pero, it is possible that my outlook in life towards this job is good until december because i am just lazy and i don't like ppl bossing me around when i know dut preho lang mi gisweldo-an. or simply put, ang kulit nila, i have reminders in outlook et al. so i know. if i don't know, i'd ask.

fits.

ahgahd am throwing fits.

sana matapos na tong contract and am done. am okay with teacher teacher and the classroom situation thingy, gelotine told me i seemed happy to be doing training. i said, yeah, i like the job, but, i cannot seem to get along with other ppl soooo well. my character clashes with other ppl.

fits.

it's just that i am totally unhappy with responsibilities. grr. sana mahuman naning bond. tas i'd get the 13th month pay, tas am supah done najud.

i wish i can afford to be sick nalang gyud.

--
okay, am good at whining. on the other hand whilst on the mass commute, gelo told me, grabeh ka, kaya mo ko yawyawon sa jeepney? i said. oo. serves him right.

--
i've work to do. unta tomorrow i won't be as lazy.

--

"In the morning, there is too much absence to define my blackouts by the events that are missing. There are more things I can't remember than things I can. A night is no longer a solid sheet, interrupted by fissures. Instead, it is a gaping hole, scattered with fragments of conversations and episodes, like a night sky punctuated by planes disguised as stars."

smashed: story of a drunken girlhood by Koren Zailckas



photo inset: my best boys.