good girls don't always finish last..

I wanted the wrong things early in my pregnancy. I'm glad I've never endangered my child with substance abuse. If I did, I would've hit myself in the head.

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I wish the baby's going to be okay. About this time, it already has arm and leg buds, and a heart bulge. How exciting is that? But, it still looks like a tiny tadpole and about the size of a lentil bean. God does not fall short of showing His loving kindness. People in this city still eats me. Some are simply panget like that nonetheless if I cared too much, it will not help my pregnancy. So I would stop caring. At this very moment, it's going to be about me, the baby, and J.

J drives me up the wall. No relationship is perfect. But in the middle of the day, I stop and realize that I miss him, and I feel for him for being thrown into a web of responsibilities for me and the baby at such a young age. And when he told me he wishes we could travel, it broke my heart- I could only reassure him that we can travel with the baby some time in the future.

It's not so bad. My nausea is bearable. My tireds are bearable. Life lately is really bearable.

-photo inset me and katrini back in june this year

The stork came real early for Christmas!

In November 25, found out we're pregnant as I tested positive on a home HCG kit. The baby, after J and I discussed about plans of getting married by October of 2011 wasn't a part of the deal. We decided to move to Cebu in Jan. 2011, and go about life as a married couple without a child. I've been on potent and strong medication since summer of this year. I've been diagnosed with a couple of ills- ones that will plague me for the rest of my life if I am not careful about the way I eat and the things that I do to myself- so I thought I might wind up barren. I've so much substance in my body that a zygote will not think about surviving inside me. I'm wrong. God has ways, unimaginable.

All sorts of thrill winds up inside me now. I've no way to go but be happy about it even when the imp is really going to ruin our life plans. But who cares, I wouldn't ask for our circumstance to be any different.

November 29, went thru my firsts Trans-V Ultrasound. Found out that I am 5 weeks along- and I've been clueless. I've been taking steroids, antihistamines, painkillers, and been hanging around friends who smoke. I'm ultimately an idiot for not asking for the print out of the sac. It's looks like a balut, so round, the result says it's just .14cm in diameter. A tiny, tiny yellow sac that'll change both J and my perspective about a childless marriage. ;p Down side is: I've a cyst on my left ovary, and I am hemorrhaging. Tomorrow, it'll be a gyne visit. I am not so scared anymore. I know the kiddo is alive.

xx