These Dreams

Spare a little candle, save some light for me. Figures
Up ahead moving in the trees. White skin in linen,
Perfume on my wrist, and the full moon that hangs over
These dreams in the mist.

Darkness on the edge, Shadows where I stand
I search for the time on a watch with no hands,
I want to see you clearly, Come closer to this
come closer to this
But all I remember are the dreams in the mist.

happy hearts.

"Do stories, apart from happening, being, have something to say? For all my skepticism, some trace of irrational superstition did survive in me, the strange conviction, for example, that everything in life that happens to me also has a sense, that it means something, that life speaks to us about itself through its story, that it gradually reveals a secret, that it takes the form of a rebus whose message must be deciphered, that the stories we live compromise the mythology of our lives and in that mythology lies the key to truth and mystery. Is it an illusion? Possibly, even probably, but I can’t rid myself of the need continually to decipher my own life."

Kundera.


it's thanksgiving in the states. low call volume tahday.

kairi went thru hell today. i talked to shobe today. she tells me kairi had 13 needle shots (all syringe is paid for) na palpak before chong hua health workers can finally get it right. kawawa. i wanted to cry but, i coudn't. tmac cried daw. am glad am not there. me and my short temper could've burned chong hua hospital down.

some people should not be in the health care industry if they do not know what they're doing.

i somehow noticed that i am pmsing. i'm pretty irritable and shallow and would cry over the littlest things and is uber elated when some things are somehow right.(according to my own perception..)

am going to dana's house this weekend. told ricky to meet me in robi cuz i think am going without mark cuz he has his own small group. yay! i have a small group, finally. :)

kulba my heart kurog my feet. and toes.

wala na si mangrove trip. nakahilak ko'g popcorn. magtanum nalang daw mi mangrove sa likod bahay ko. and am told that i'm a nami na alarm clock. so now, my newest designation is an alarm clock. :) and i'm getting the hang of it. haha.

kenji has tons of bruises. and sige sha minaldito.

my whole family will be celebrating Christmas in Bacolod. am psyched. :) i love you shobe and dich.

amplify love. makalipay. :)

down with the flu and God loves you,
Raen

edits: i asked ricky whether there's food at dana's house, he says yes. and it's dinner. so nalipay ang gamay na idik. :) i love mike tato's team. and his agents. altho i cannot memorize their names. oh well, i always liked being liked and i intend to keep it that way. :) i've always been the apple of my team mates' eyes on every call center i've been in and that's going to be it for the rest of time. bwaha.

ganahan ko sa manghod ko. the other night she told me, ats, kanawung gyud mong heart sa? i checked the boob tube and saw heart nga, but, in her luna mode with all the thick brows and stuff on her face. letse. animels ning ako manghod.

as i was listening to shobe talk today, i could hear my old bisaya speaking self. i miss that. am soooo negros provencial french now. and it's kewl with me anyway. i just miss cebu.

i told ya sister.

hayers. that mangrove thingy, am not going if wala naman diay sa training mag sign up for it. and namroblema ang isa ka tao cuz he might bore me if i went with him the whole day. told him it'll be okay cuz it's not just him and me- there will be mangroves and he should remember i can fish talk and coral talk, so am sure i can mangrove talk. hehe.

i haven't slept a blink. kenji had his vaccination. last shot for hepa and polio ata. we waited for this wala'y ulaw na pedia- helloooooo riverside. i wish you'd teach your doctors to be on time. and be professional. not make sick kids wait outside their non-airconditioned offices.
good thing we found another doctor. and she gave keken this huge shot. good needle. my nephew was holding on to dear life & to tita raen who turned him in and was accomplice to his pain. haha. kaloka. he knows that clinics and pedias will give him shots. :) when we got home he had a few scratches and bruised knees. all self-induced and inflicted. :)
i hope kairi feels better now.
we then had baby groceries shopping. i swear to God i will not have kids when am not ready.

That is my principal objection to life, I think: It's too easy, when alive, to make perfectly horrible mistakes.
Kurt Vonnegut- Deadeye Dick

the lonely planet series: boracay (2)

post bora negritas

11/24-11/25/2005

the lonely planet series: boracay (1)

another set. i don't have java uploader.
my first time in boracay island. so i took tons of photos.

boracay- the aftermath.

went home looking like the bushman from gods must be crazy and kenji is scared. really scared. he'd cry each time i'd try to get into his bedroom. hilaaaaaaaaak.

kawawa naman aketch.

saturday night, it rained in boracay right after dinner with the de la salle guys. we met the rest of the tribe during the talipapa dinner. i massacred all the prawns they can afford and did not bother to eat oysters cuz my tummy went soooo wrong after the mango rhum shake.

the de la salle guys were doctors, nurse, mba grad businessman, cpa based in the US, and a lawyer. when i said i work in a call center, they were not impressed at all. so in reality, you can choose any profession but the call center industry.

we slept and did not party the whole night cuz it was raining. at least napuslan namo ang hotel. and we just watched tv. haha. sunday: swam and baked and bought cocktails at some bar so we can use the jagermeister umbrellas.

then in the afternoon we got invited to the helmet walk. some activity where you can walk under water (around 15 feet) and feed the fishes with pan de sal and check the corals for 30 minutes. some speedboat had to take us to another boat where we were given the instructions that the helmet weighed 35 kgs and once you're underwater the helmet would be around 5 kg and you can walk. we were taught how to manage the pressure under water. we either had to move our jaws and swallow, put our hands inside the helmet and pinch our nose and blow or poke our ears gently. (i would've enjoyed flying fish or banana boat more. i thunk. but, we cancelled.)

then whilst waiting for my turn i asked the instructor whether it's safe to swim in the area where the walk is on going. he said yes. so i asked for some snorkelling gears and swam. the diver thought am lo-oy and told me i can borrow his tank and goggles. and gave me a 10 second instruction about diving. and gave me the pandesal to hand to the people underwater. i dove for less than 5 minutes and panicked because of the weight of the tank. when it's my turn to do the walk. i did not enjoy it as much as swimming on top of the 15 feet seawater. i have motion sickness. and all the time i was praying, Lord get me out of here cuz i still wanna see his face and marry him. hahaha. damgo.

the professional diver took underwater pics. i totally hope lex would send the copies to me. shine and i did not scrimp dinner. altho we had lunch at andok's. and all the breakfasts we had were from the likod places that sell tapsilog and all silog stuff with free coffee, saturday lunch was great cuz it's in paradise grill. dinner was buffet at nigi nigi or boracay grill(ambot) then we had combi massage of thai, swedish, shiatsu- i felt like the massage gal did pilates and taekwondo on me. afterwards we had cocktails with the guys at some bar with acoustic music. i ordered black russian. and called it a night.

at that point i learned that some people can last up to 24 years of friendship. i am envious and honored to have met people like those.

 --

went home monday.

my guy smsd the best thing and kept me company during the first two hours while am on the road. (damguhera najud ko- my guy daw o!)

he asked: what's your most memorable road trip? told him it would have to be bantayan. and asked wut's his.

he told me- baguio. the bus ride going there. when they're on the cliff it's like a roller coaster ride. then when the bus stops, vendors would sell quail eggs and he ate 5 packs.

he is the cutest. :)

- shine and i had late lunch in mcdo iloilo.

and we were in bacolod by 5pm. am so happy to be home. bacolod is home. :)

 --

Before I found out for myself, I might have imagined that in the aftermath of a personal apocolypse, the little bothers of life would simply vanish. But it's not true. You still feel chills, you still dispair when a package is lost in the mail, and you still feel irked to discover that you were shortchanged at Starbucks...

 ... I have chosen to find these passing pinpricks solace instead, emblems of a surviving propriety. Being inadequately dressed for the season, or chafing that in a Wal-Mart the size of of a cattle market I cannot locate a single box of kitchen matches, I glory in the emotionally commonplace.

We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver

this is what am feeling now. :)

i haven't slept all day. BIR must burn. and everyone in it. haha. attended the service of jer's dad too. kairi's really sick with pneumonia and is hospitalized in chong hua. she's just 2 months old. i cannot imagine how painful it must be for my shobe to see her little girl in the hospital. i'm grateful that my hcg turned out negative. it must be tough being a mom.

happy work week!

love,
raen

the lonely planet series: boracay

first night- friday

Be young, be foolish, but be happy
Be young, be foolish, but be happy

Don't let the rain get you down, it's a waste of time
A waste of time
Have your fun, live everyday in the bright sunshine
The bright sunshine

Well it's the same old story all over the world
Girl meets boy, and boy meets girl

===============>

stuff from the bus ride to the mongolian at summer place
and morning swim on saturday.

firedance

some gay guy dancing. and strutting.

kenji for the nth time

from the top. hahahaha. joke.

outside tp nov. 20, 2008. and nipulot og cig butt og gikaon. wa kabantay ang angatch na tita raen.

boracay update

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
Strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy..happy!

I wish you were here

you know who you are.. :)

8 hour bus ride from iloilo
mongolian all you can eat at summerplace
walking around to find best deal hotel and found it at alice in wonderland..
pictorials galore..
some friday night we had..

--
today, we went swimming.
checked in at our hotel.
had breakfast at this tosi place.
got invited for free cocktails tonight and island hopping for tomorrow.
lunch of blue marlin et squid at paradise something.
mango rhum shake at jona's and my tummy got crappy and i went light headed.

--
tomorrow-no church for me. again. :)

--
bacolod, see you monday. i wanna go home na.

i miss kenji.

and i do wanna see the basketball game gyd yah.

react. re-use. and recycle.

sorry nalang sa mag react. and sorry kang maldita gal pal. i cannot help it. i typically don't make sawsaw cuz am more interested in my life story the whole time and i hardly am a good listener. pero i saw how hasslefeck it is being your girlfriend when you're hurting, as i am equivalently a hasslefeck when i am hurting. maka suko masking ingnon pa na wala ko labot.


i wish wala ka nalang niya na friend. mayo nalang kamao ka na bati imo batasan.

at least naa ka redeeming factor kahet paano.

as for the guy. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, get a backbone.



love,
batang hilabtanon.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on..

i don't feel like leaving for iloilo tomorrow. i don't like long weekends away from home. i may be a person who gets thrilled at the thought of a travel itinerary but, i honestly do not like the overall experience of terminals, piers, and leaving. i don't mind people leaving me, that's how it is, but, i feel guilty for leaving cuz i've always been running away from things when i don't like facing them.

well this weekend is a bit different. i don't like the thought of leaving dich with kenji and they'll be singing "just the two of us" to themselves for 3 nights, 4 days. kawawa. makaguilty.

pero all is set and this will be fun i know. shine lives up to her name. :) and i don't. cuz i know that i am always shiny. :)

am supposed to write down my anger or my ka-irits on this entry(not today, maybe tomorrow) but, i won't go that low to call people names. cuz it's them who'd normally do that, not me. if people fight dirty, that's them, and that's so not me.

i fight dirtier cuz i do real time libak. :)
--

thank God for paydays. and enough moolah for bills and groceries. :) lisod mag budget. i was yawyawing bigtime at the supermarket this afternoon. and also yawyawed during lunch cuz masking kfc i cannot afford now. i told dich i feel like a pauper now that i will have a family for the first time in my grown-up life. dich would just laugh at me.

she also told me that i don't fight fair. kenji's only two and i am 26 and i make patol. haha.

--

and yeah, nag cross enrol diay ko sa assumption and sa miriam college. haha.

my guy, (oi my guy..buhat buhat storya! assumptionista!) texted me this morning, told me we will sign up for the cotw charity next week. i almost cartwheeled that moment.

ayan. magpakabuotan najud ko.

running late for coffee chitchat,
Raen

ps. title's a robert frost quote.

edits: chris singing whenever i see your smiling face at this very moment. makahilak. :(
and bebs gave me a bottle of vanilla lace cuz nalooy sha cuz i've no boyfy to give me holiday presents. :)

my guy dropped by the lounge whilst nazel and i were having coffee. i can't help but gush nasad. hahaha. feeling prep school!

--

more edits: joe sang his own version of smiling face. i was teary-eyed with his rendition. it was heart-stopping and laugh-worthy. remo shared his yellow cab pizza, and i employed pete's help with excel. ricky invited me for a weekly small group at dana's house, even offered to take me home, i told him i can ask mark if he'd go with me, he told me mark has his family weekly like dut too, sayang. :) God, people are good.

pass it on!

--
last quote:

Any problems that may occur have ultimately been caused by you, because you are responsible for where you are and what you are doing there.

So much of language is unspoken. So much of language is comprised of looks and gestures and sounds that are not words. People are ignorant of the vast complexity of their own communication.

To live everyday as if it had been stolen from death, that is how I would like to live. To feel the joy of life...To separate oneself from the burden, the angst, the anguish that we all encounter every day. To say I am alive, I am wonderful, I am. I am. That is something to aspire to.

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

love, trust, and pixie dust

the one who got away.

for my girls.
ug sa tinood gyud na magbalentong balentong silang tanan and would sing this to themselves when they see that you actually have a life after them. ü

WHO'S HOLDING DONNA NOW
DeBarge

Sometimes a love won't let go
Hard as I try I know it shows
Everybody's telling me
You'll be over her eventually
But how am I supposed to feel so secure?

When I keep wonderin'
Who's holding Donna now
And I keep wonderin'
Who's heart she's knocking around
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To be in his shoes somehow
And I keep wonderin'
Who's holding Donna now
And I keep wonderin'
What magic can be found
To turn me back to the one
Who's holding Donna now

The letter started with goodbye
I've read it half a million times
Tell me this is just a dream
When I wake up she'll be here next to me
Tell me it will be just the way it was, oh

*Well keep wonderin'
Who's holding Donna now
And I keep wonderin'
Who's heart she's knocking around
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To be in his shoes right now
And I keep wonderin'
Who's holding Donna now
And I keep wonderin'
What magic can be found
To turn me back to the one
Who's holding Donna now

wicker park.

i am already decided on acquiring a wicker couch instead of anything too stuffy or leathery or woody-ish cuz they're all mahal. i wanted a country feel inside the apartment. we now have curtains on every room(compelled to use the motley curtain that the landlady gave me and angelo when we moved in..) and i gave up the yoga room cuz i hardly do the yoga anymore and we're thinking of converting it into the yaya's room or a guest room. ambot. watevs yaya.

so anyway i digressed. sorry.

i wanted something like these:





this would be uber expensive cuz it looks modern and not country. wish list lang ni.
wut i really wanted (and will be more practical) is like this:



i just want the couch, am fine without the arm chairs and coffee tables. i want something wicker and white. :) and i can find flowery and plush cushions and pillows and throws. ambot where. maybe sm homeworld- as they say, "we got it all for you!".

and lastly. i wanted a house like this. with the white picket fence and the wicker furnitures. one day soon. :)





love, peace, craziness,
Raen

"My subconscious had dredged up exactly the images I’d been trying so desperately to avoid. I was going to have to face them now"

"Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars -- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

stephanie meyer. twilight.

am not even sure if i would watch the movie, i might pick up the book. kaso, it's like a teeny bopper vampire thingy. and so undangan.

-
i'm left to babysit ken again. slept whilst on the job. haha. and my poor nephew slept beside me while watching baby einstein. :)

-
i feel terribly light-headed. all the things i smsd to someone this afternoon are true. so i guess it's true when you're told that a day, a week, a month or even a year has its own way of fixing itself.

-
dich and i have encountered a minor system glitch. i'm off to iloilo and the aklan island by friday. dich has a sched for hr orientation. and kenji is left without a nanny. sos.

-
i made pasta for dinner. :) my penguin who loved everything noodley did not even bother to eat it.

-
mr. brightside followed me to the washroom this morning. (assumptionista kaayo ko-FOLLOWED gyud ang keyword!) asked me about my sched and wut am i doing. i got lost in translation mode ko and turned my attention to some gal, i didn't even manage to say gbye. aaaaaaaaaaah. tanga.

charoot. naghahigh school high schoolan naman aketch. :)

i guess i got caught up in thinking about the mangrove planting i even dreamt about mangroves. kaletse. i dreamt about nazel getting drenched in the rain, that i ran after her and saw myself with kathra dancing under the showers.

it simply tells me, mangrove day will be watta day. and it's about time that i get my tush moving and looking for a better city. haha.
(wow, buot buot og interpretation!)

God had been keeping His promises. grabeh ang disappointments when it comes to so many other things in the daily-ness of the every day life. kaso, He amazingly surprises me with the littlest stuff that eventually cover up bad stuff.

love, trust, and pixie dust,
tinkerbell.(haha.)

mangrove. unicorns.

Start:	Nov 29, '08
Location:	sagay. some island.

save the forest ang amardz tungod sa cotw. :) (tp charity- citizens of the world)..

boracay. take me away.

Start:	Nov 21, '08
End:	Nov 24, '08
Location:	iloilo and boracay island, aklan, somewhere

island girls kami ni shangrila. yehey!

re-use and re-cycle

friend. di nindot mag recycle sa exboyfriends.

ang tawag man gud ana kay..

basurera!

(okay, dili ni nako issue. it's just that boring kaau if i don't make sawsaw and since am caught in the crossfire kunohay, shege. mao nalang na ang ako ala raenism!)

undangan na.

famous last words.

makafeel gyapon kog presence sa irits and concern every time i hear his friends tell me they saw him drunk- sa public places, yada, yada, yada.

but, then again mas lingaw goro if kadungog ko na chikahan ko'g na yatap sha kay nabun-an or naligsan kuyog ang bulbous nose gal.

at least libre ang kape og biskwit inig kakita nako niya.

aaaaaaaaaaaay. lain najud ko'g batasan.

lian: how come daw ka bitter sounding cmu?
raen: shempre, sin-o namian maisahan haw?
lian: naisahan ka haw?
raen: oo kay dapat ako ang mantunto kay mas bata sha sakon. teh diba, mas bagay sha tuntohon?
lian: waaaaah. tsakto.

ayan. nilubos na. undangan na nako ni.

days like this

What are you supposed to do with all the love you have for somebody if that person is no longer here? What happens to all that leftover love? Do you suppress it? Do you ignore it? Are you supposed to give it to someone else? 

I never knew it was possible to think about someone all of the time, for someone to be always doing acrobatic leaps across your thoughts. Everything else was an unwelcome distraction from what I wanted to think about.

After you'd gone - Maggie O' Farrell

i'd want this book. wut if the person you loved died bitaw? i think break ups and divorces are better than a partner dying.

--

and so, i babysat kenji the whole day. suffice to say i lacked sleep. whilst trying to get some sleep, my nephew did the sweetest thing. he kissed me on my lips four times! and i was compelled to try to stay up rest of the day.

i fed him hershey's almond bar, some dunkin donuts, and fake onion rings. he wouldn't eat anything. so i gave him the happier stuff. :) my sister wasn't pleased when she found out.

nappy changes are daily disaster. i spanked him cuz he wouldn't behave while tita raen was struggling to put his diaper on.

i will not have kids unless i married a wealthy guy. period.
haha.

i even told Chris that i am gonna be a TO BE and not a TO DO. :)

--

i had dinner with shiney at inaka. we ordered ebi tempura bento and ripe mango shake and california maki. the waiters already recognized me there. and were pretty nice to me. haha. nazel tells me we have to go there one of these days. so i guess, am going back. inaka has nice service man gyd. and food is good. and they serve instant coffee. haha.

so boracay is all set. :) i'm kinda scared of the thought that i'll be traveling alone. to iloilo. not that it's my first time to travel alone but, iloilo is not familiar waters. then again, i guess i'll do just great. it'll be just an hour's boat ride.

--
parent and grandparent will be here this weekend. i won't be there when they come. am just too giddy for the beach and the island to even become a daughter and a granddaughter. :)

--

and other than the lit quote, i'll end this entry with a song.
cuz today, i just told off someone i liked tons by saying the most idiotic thing. "no, the whole thingy was a rite of passage for me.."

pero shempre, it was an inis-sabay-sabunot-sa-sarili moment.

yawn lang.

God is good. good enuf to make dich more confused of the two jobs she'll choose from. when it rains, it's four gyd eh. haha.


keeping the face to the sunshine,
Raeyna.


♥
When you don't need an answer there'll be days like this
When you don't meet a chancer there'll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit
Then I must remember there'll be days like this

♥
When no one steps on my dreams there'll be days like this
When people understand what I mean there'll be days like this
When you ring out the changes of how everything is
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this

inaka bento and bob's coffee

11/18/2008
at inaka with shine for dinner
coffee and counseling with nazel at bob's and the IT something room on the 2nd floor of tp.

"I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough, it'll make sense."

Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury

golden rules for living(a repost)

i swiped this off kathra's site.

if you open it, close it.

if you turn it on, turn it off.

if you unlock it, lock it up.

if you break it, admit it. (bitaw oi. kepoi ang pa afaks.)

if you can't fix it, call in someone who can. (mao naay asg at times:)

if you borrow it, return it. (lalo na hard earned moolah)

if you value it, take care of it. (na igo ko ani.)

if you make a mess, clean it up.

if you move it, put it back.

if it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, get permission. (ouch again.)

if you don't know how to operate it, leave it alone. (mao wala ko naging tsr:)

if it's none of your business, don't ask questions. (i told to you!)

if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

if it will brighten someone's day, say it. (be generous with praise gyud:)

if it will tarnish someone's reputation, keep it to yourself. (dili sa ako mga hate. kay hater man sad ko. :)

-anonymous

and then oh!

stuff from the weekend.

"The unicorn lived in a lilac wood, and she lived all alone." -- The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle

girl with a pearl

"He is looking at the light that falls on my face, i thought, not at my face itself. That is the Difference"
- Girl with a Pearl Earring
Tracy Chevalier

it's the breakfast club with nazelita every time we go to work. i don't think i can save because of the coffee breaks at bob's. it's baaaaaaaaaad na gyudz.

and i feel totally moronic today. and it's chris' birthday! (11/18), karen's birthday also- 11/17.

Happy birthday you guys. God bless you and keep you.
and Chris, i cannot buy a 5k racket. that's beyond me. i'm a sushalite but, not the level a kinda shushalite.

babysat keken today. i barely had sleep. i even tortured him with his afternoon cold water bathe. and made him drink out of a 1 litre water bottle cuz he wouldn't drink from his own water bottle. :)

and he ate chocolates. and drank club soda. haha.

i woke up to having responsibilities. in a few months time, i will become a full-fledged sister, aunt, babysitter, grand-daughter, daughter. it's the most eccentric thing to me now. the whole time i've been either employing kindness from strangers, from people i meet in the new city that i move in to, from relationships, from friends. now, i have to return kindness to the people who really know who i am. and it's kaloka to the maximum. i just warned my sisters to be ready for nephews or nieces if i make the mistake of putting a bastard seed inside my womb. :)

sunday, i had lunch with dich and cpus and keken at inaka. it was an experience, altho we were looking forward to the all you can eat buffet, which turned out to be scheduled on wednesdays and not sundays. mains were great, and makis were authentic. plus it's homey. and not that pricey. then went with them to robi.

i went with mark david to the ball game. he was nice enuf to meet me at robinson's, good thing he didn't play cuz he was sick or something. i thought twice about going cuz i didn't really have friends friends there. but, he asked whether i wuz really a hundred percent sure i didn't wanna go, so i told him i'd see the game.

chikahan with tricia and dana. trish was really awfully nice to me. i wasn't paying attention to iza cuz i did not have time to listen to domestic partnership chaos as i had so much of that before. dana's a character. and happily answered stuff about ricky. :)

we left after game one, and walked 3 blocks from old gaisano til trinity church to dut fruit stand. i asked why. he told me he thought i'd said i wanted to go with him. goooooh.

God should make more of those nice guys. bastards and jerks abound everywhere eh.

--
speeching of jerks. i realized how i'd always have to contend with dry-haired morena gals with cheap sense of clothing? why oh why.

i hurt. haha. :)


--
dich moved in with ken on saturday. my apartment's now our apartment. and they've filled hugest room in the house with their stuff.

nazel even cooked breakfast for us. and we had groceries in gaisano in the afternoon.

and we have paintings! cpus'. :) all we need is a good couch on the living area. :)

--
we have loud kapitbahays. and dich is right about some people in this city. at this point i noticed some people at work are reallllllllllllly eccentric. and annoying. but, as always, i've to be nice. despite the fact that i'd want to throw my purse at someone at this very moment.

--

i got Chris a cupcake cuz bob's did not sell real cakes tonight. he was embarrassed. but, the cupcake had the works. lighted candle, a box, and the photos. :)

--
God has been awesome the past few days. dich just got hired for tp. and shobe might get promoted to sup. and i don't have to worry about the holidays and the vl. i don't care na.

happy work week!

love,
Raen

tenacious.

perhaps some mediocre things such as instant messages can be overlooked pero this one's too good too pass. Chris is OA.

Christian says:
asg
Christian says:
naa si jer dha?
Christian just sent you a nudge.
----
Raenbow Bright says:
wis
Raenbow Bright says:
2 am
Raenbow Bright says:
lunch
Raenbow Bright says:
hahaha
Christian says:
ok
Raenbow Bright says:
id need to discuss something
Raenbow Bright says:
bwt boracay
Raenbow Bright says:
hahaha
Christian says:
mag tennis ta raen
Raenbow Bright says:
badminton
Raenbow Bright says:
tennis i cant
Christian says:
letche
Raenbow Bright says:
mahalia
Raenbow Bright says:
and it doesnt bring about good posture
Christian says:
thats so community-ish
Raenbow Bright says:
okay
Raenbow Bright says:
tennis it is
Raenbow Bright says:
gimme rackets ha
Raenbow Bright says:
i dont have e
Christian says:
im serious
Raenbow Bright says:
oo
Raenbow Bright says:
i know
Christian says:
i dont have too
Raenbow Bright says:
just tell me when
Christian says:
next year
Raenbow Bright says:
lets borrow
Raenbow Bright says:
not next yr
Christian says:
pagusto ka raen
Raenbow Bright says:
after 13th month pay
Christian says:
y not?
Raenbow Bright says:
cuz
Christian says:
gaga
Raenbow Bright says:
i dont like
Raenbow Bright says:
okay talk to you later
Christian says:
wait
Christian says:
jer 2 am pa?
Christian says:
u sure?
Raenbow Bright says:
no 5am
Christian says:
y r u sure?
Christian says:
nag buot buot ka?
Raenbow Bright says:
ur not as bright as my sprites
Raenbow Bright says:
oo
Christian says:
clever sprites
Christian says:
fine
Christian says:
tama na

Chris is like one of my fave guys here. he can be blather all he wants and mag sala set, and makes me okray, and lets me eat his lunch even if it would've have been his fave pasta, he listens when i libak and okrays me some more after i had libak-ed someone.

sayang. i wish i could've gone with him in tacoma. we could've seen portland together and brought home all nike stuff.

gravity works.

“Ang tenga kapag pinagdikit korteng puso…extension
 ng puso ang tenga, kaya pag marunong kang makinig, marunong
 kang magmahal”

Bob Ong.

i should listen more. haha.

♥

dich decided to bring kenji tomorrow. more babysitting for me and less sleep in the next few weeks. :)
seeing sunshine on sunday. thank God for inaka.
and possibly arbie for midnight sale on saturday. not too sure.
best breakfast with chris and jer at luxor today. i never thought tosilog can taste that good. :)

and lastly, why would other people take themselves too seriously? it bothers me.

and really, it's amusing how life suddenly becomes upbeat and happening when nothing much is really happening. it may have gone along with my growing of wisdom tooth or maybe i woke up 3 cm more mature as days pass.

God's been great. the weather's even great. altho it's been raining a bit.

love,

Raenbow Bright.

If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.
-Lewis Carroll

eternal damnation

i know that being covetous is an appalling mistake.

and i am condemned to eternal damnation. which, i think is fair enough.

ü

i thought i saw a shrink today who turns out to be this bad news, badass bastard which is really okay with me. cuz people like chuck bass et al is ♥.

shrink tells me to get out of the country and use the 10 year visa. told him am gonna be a nanny in london. haha.
tells me that if you always consider people's opinion, you'll drive yourself crazy.
(me telling myself that people believe in whatever they wanna believe in:)
asks me to go watch manny pacqiao's game some place some where.
and suggests that i join him playing airsoft- airsoft of all girly little things. :)

so i wind up praying- dear God You better take care of me, or else am always gonna be in your hand. ü

not everyone is bad news in this city i guess.

i should quit the habit. nazel and i turning ourselves in kanto gurls who would do booze and end up emotional. i heard myself saying, "he was a city to me last year.." nge kangil-ad nako oi.


and so para mag emote leaving with this quote set:

“I think about the meaning of pain. Pain is personal. It really belongs to the one feeling it. Probably the only thing that is your own. I like mine.” -Henry Rollins

When caught between two evils I generally pick the one I've never tried before. - Mae West


When a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her except continue to love her.
-Oscar Wilde

I was strongest when I laughed at my weakness.
~Elmer Diktonius

"While you're at it, why don't you give me a papercut and pour lemon juice on it!"

en vogue

"this whole 'Poor lonely Jen' thing, this idea that I'm so unlucky in love? I actually feel I've been unbelievably lucky in love. Just because at this stage my life doesn't have the traditional framework to it—the husband and the two kids and the house in Connecticut—it's mine. It's my experience. And if you don't like the way it looks, then stop looking at it! Because I feel good. I don't feel like I'm supposed to be any further along or somewhere that I'm not. I'm right where I'm supposed to be."

-Jennifer Aniston in Vogue

i like her na even if she smiles like she ate a whole lot of green mangoes.

good vibes, yeah!

It's written in the snow. Hidden in the stars. And wrapped in paper on Christmas Eve. It's buried on a desert island. Scratched upon a tree. The way she cannot help but smile. The way you hate it when he leaves. It's written in a teenage diary. Danced upon a floor. Sung from the very depths of your soul as the crowd calls out for more. It's whispered to eternal spirits that watch you from above. It's in the blink of an eye. The slightest of smiles. In luck you can't explain. It rides the back of nervous foxes. Glistens in the eyes of fearless robins. In multicolored halos that illuminate the sky. It's dreams come true. Hopes achieved. And friends who phone you up to ask you how you've been. It's in frosty morning air. The way she plays with her hair. It's not a care for things they say you need. It's magical. Mystical. Brighter than gold. A thing that can't be sold. It's goose-bumps on the skin. The way she looks at him. A fable she once told.

I know a place where grown-ups do not go. A place they have forgotten many moons ago. It's not a place with neon lights. It's not bursting at the seams. It's not a place that you can see. It's just a place you feel.

(Andre Jordan)

so now..

Chris asks lunch early and i tell him am busy. wala judko angay to tell anyone am busy cuz it's easier to cope with the deliverable now. altho i miss having classes et al, i don't have to deal with the drama-rama of the travel account that comes along with every snow storms, airline bankcruptcy, and such.

it took a good 10 minutes for my pc to boot. kaloka. and every window i would open hangs. vaketch vantive god? may kasalanan naman akong ginawa?

--

okay, some things can get really old. if magthrow man mo'g epileptic fits because not everyone wants to listen to your very fine opinion it's your call.

DILI IKAW ANG NAKIPAG LIVE IN ANG GINABEAT SA IYA UYAB. try seeing yourself in that situation and tell me how you wanna react. you don't just run away from it and not deal with it. people deal with their demons at their own terms. you don't have to rub it in cuz you're doing more damage by telling me that i am not listening. some people had to let things sink in to their systems before they can manage to get out.

and if you were ultimately born cynical about the stuff that goes wrong with life, which may eventually turn out to be right. i am not like you. so don't push things even if it were in the premise of friendship and caring, you are plainly being PAKI-ALAMERA AND SELF RIGHTEOUS.

quit acting like you are dr. phil. so if you please; ignore me. i know you have tons of things to do because you have a job. :)

thank you for the past couplah years. now we both finally know that we don't have to be friends. :)

--

unta 5 am na. :)

--

it dawned on me na wala ko Christmas present this year. i ended up asking emanuel for money(cuz i am poor like dut:) and told him i'll buy me present and i can buy him club sandwich from bob's. of course he tells me that it's not a fair deal.

--

went home a bit late this morning cuz nazel and i bought booze. feelingera kaayo mi mag go boozing. lo-od kaayo tan-awon. haha.

--

saw yuki this morning. she tells me they're all going to iloilo. informed her am planning to see boracay on the 21st. and we were all dancing with the thought that we might wind up going there together. sana matuloy. sana sana sana.

i kinda missed the people i became friends with when i started dating bernard matthew. it's odd how you stopped seeing friends when you stopped seeing the person you were once with.

yawn lang.

--

naloka ko when am told that i did not follow instructions. sa tino-od lang how can i follow instructions when noone tells me wut to do? davah. some people in this city. tsk tsk.

love,
raen

There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day. Things that did not go right, things that seemed okay at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can't know better until knowing better is useless.
--John Green, Looking for Alaska

i like you.

I like you and I know why.
I like you because you are a good person to like.
I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it's special
And you remember it a long, long time.
You say, Remember when you told me something special
And both of us remember

When I think something is important
you think it's important too
We have good ideas
When I say something funny, you laugh
I think I'm funny and you think I'm funny too
Hah-hah!
I like you because you know where I'm ticklish
And you don't tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes
But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too
You know how to be silly
That's why I like you
Boy are you ever silly
I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you
I like you because you know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Too late, it's a quarter past silly
Sometimes we don't say a word
We snurkle under fences
We spy secret places
If I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off
You are one too
If I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
then you are getting ready to jump
HOORAY

That's because you really like me
You really like me, don't you
And I really like you back
And you like me back and I like you back
And that's the way we keep on going every day

If you go away, then I go away too
or if I stay home, you send me a postcard
You don't just say Well see you around sometime, bye
I like you a lot because of that
If I go away, I send you a postcard too
And I like you because if we go away together
And if we are in Grand Central Station
And if I get lost
Then you are the one that is yelling for me

And I like you because when I am feeling sad
You don't always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things
It takes time

I like you because if I am mad at you
Then you are mad at me too
It's awful when the other person isn't
They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could just about punch them in the nose

I like you because if I think I am going to throw up
then you are really sorry
You don't just pretend you are busy looking at the birdies and all that
You say, maybe it was something you ate
You say, the same thing happened to me one time
And the same thing did

If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me one
If I find four, I give you two
If we only find three, we keep on looking
Sometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don't

If I break my arm, and if you break your arm too
Then it's fun to have a broken arm
I tell you about mine, you tell me about yours
We are both sorry
We write our names and draw pictures
We show everybody and they wish they had a broken arm too

I like you because I don't know why but
Everything that happens is nicer with you
I can't remember when I didn't like you
It must have been lonesome then

I like you because because because
I forget why I like you but I do
So many reasons
On the 4th of July I like you because it's the 4th of July
On the fifth of July, I like you too
If you and I had some drums and some horns and some horses
If we had some hats and some flags and some fire engines
We could be a HOLIDAY
We could be a CELEBRATION
We could be a WHOLE PARADE
See what I mean?

Even if it was the 999th of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
Even if it was no place particular in January
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again
That's how it would happen every time
I don't know why
I guess I don't know why I really like you
Why do I like you
I guess I just like you
I guess I just like you because I like you.

from a children's book  I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg