me, now.

the moment i met you i saw that you were quite unconscious of what you really are, of what you really might be. there was so much in you that charmed me that i felt i must tell you something about yourself.

the picture of dorian gray- oscar wilde

che-che lang. oscar wilde is heart.

 

good vibes, yeah!

It's written in the snow. Hidden in the stars. And wrapped in paper on Christmas Eve. It's buried on a desert island. Scratched upon a tree. The way she cannot help but smile. The way you hate it when he leaves. It's written in a teenage diary. Danced upon a floor. Sung from the very depths of your soul as the crowd calls out for more. It's whispered to eternal spirits that watch you from above. It's in the blink of an eye. The slightest of smiles. In luck you can't explain. It rides the back of nervous foxes. Glistens in the eyes of fearless robins. In multicolored halos that illuminate the sky. It's dreams come true. Hopes achieved. And friends who phone you up to ask you how you've been. It's in frosty morning air. The way she plays with her hair. It's not a care for things they say you need. It's magical. Mystical. Brighter than gold. A thing that can't be sold. It's goose-bumps on the skin. The way she looks at him. A fable she once told.

I know a place where grown-ups do not go. A place they have forgotten many moons ago. It's not a place with neon lights. It's not bursting at the seams. It's not a place that you can see. It's just a place you feel.

(Andre Jordan)

i like you.

I like you and I know why.
I like you because you are a good person to like.
I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it's special
And you remember it a long, long time.
You say, Remember when you told me something special
And both of us remember

When I think something is important
you think it's important too
We have good ideas
When I say something funny, you laugh
I think I'm funny and you think I'm funny too
Hah-hah!
I like you because you know where I'm ticklish
And you don't tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes
But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too
You know how to be silly
That's why I like you
Boy are you ever silly
I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you
I like you because you know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Too late, it's a quarter past silly
Sometimes we don't say a word
We snurkle under fences
We spy secret places
If I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off
You are one too
If I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
then you are getting ready to jump
HOORAY

That's because you really like me
You really like me, don't you
And I really like you back
And you like me back and I like you back
And that's the way we keep on going every day

If you go away, then I go away too
or if I stay home, you send me a postcard
You don't just say Well see you around sometime, bye
I like you a lot because of that
If I go away, I send you a postcard too
And I like you because if we go away together
And if we are in Grand Central Station
And if I get lost
Then you are the one that is yelling for me

And I like you because when I am feeling sad
You don't always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things
It takes time

I like you because if I am mad at you
Then you are mad at me too
It's awful when the other person isn't
They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could just about punch them in the nose

I like you because if I think I am going to throw up
then you are really sorry
You don't just pretend you are busy looking at the birdies and all that
You say, maybe it was something you ate
You say, the same thing happened to me one time
And the same thing did

If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me one
If I find four, I give you two
If we only find three, we keep on looking
Sometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don't

If I break my arm, and if you break your arm too
Then it's fun to have a broken arm
I tell you about mine, you tell me about yours
We are both sorry
We write our names and draw pictures
We show everybody and they wish they had a broken arm too

I like you because I don't know why but
Everything that happens is nicer with you
I can't remember when I didn't like you
It must have been lonesome then

I like you because because because
I forget why I like you but I do
So many reasons
On the 4th of July I like you because it's the 4th of July
On the fifth of July, I like you too
If you and I had some drums and some horns and some horses
If we had some hats and some flags and some fire engines
We could be a HOLIDAY
We could be a CELEBRATION
We could be a WHOLE PARADE
See what I mean?

Even if it was the 999th of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
Even if it was no place particular in January
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again
That's how it would happen every time
I don't know why
I guess I don't know why I really like you
Why do I like you
I guess I just like you
I guess I just like you because I like you.

from a children's book  I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg

it's been a while..

Let me tell you about longing.
Let me presume that I have something
new to say about it, that this room,
naked, its walls pining for clocks,
has something new to say
about absence.

from On the Necessity of Longing
by Mikael de Lara Co

scar tissue

"Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts."

animels ning henry rollin na ni. :)

one gal was okraying me today. to retaliate i ate 2 of the 4 brownies she brought. dah. kabalos ko.

nazel doesn't want to go to libertad to buy veggies tomorrow. i thunk she's either a donya or she's bad with directions when it comes to my house. she and shine better get along tomorrow night cuz malokring ko.

wut if all my gal pals met kaya? end of the world.

--

i want to watch 27 dresses again. i'm such a sucker for cheese. and i am totally in lurve with wendell ramos. hahaha. kaloka.

--
all i want for Christmas are these books.. i don't want anything else.

- michael ondaatje- The English Patient,
- neil gaiman- Stardust
- miranda july, No One Belongs Here More Than You
- rob sheffield- Love is a Mix Tape
- milan kundera- The Unbearable Lightness of Being

♥

okay, last hirit nalang gyud ni.

about friends. i don't want to be friends with people who think they really KNOW. cuz no one can really tell wut's hapnin to someone when they're hurt and when they're really going thru something difficult. and on being friends. i don't think i can be your friend after things were spoken. and when you would later realize that after 10 years or so, when you wake up without a relationship, that's when you'd call me and ask me to have coffee with you.

friends always remember. and you don't dispense a gal pal because you are experiencing something new in your life and be in need of one when your significant other is not around.

.done

--
tofu and movie night tomorrow. i gotta change my sheets.

i kinda liked wallowing. maganda mag bitter-bitteran at times.

Raen

on books.

"Hikayatin mo lahat ng mga kakilala mo na magkaroon ng kahit isa man lang na paboritong libro sa buhay nila dahil wala nang mas nakakaawa pa sa mga taong literado pero hindi nagbabasa."

Bob Ong

if i had a better dad before, siguro tatay ko sha.

wanderlust; tickling toes.

“Experience, travel - these are as education in themselves” -Euripides.

okay i miss greek lit and high school and being intelligent. haha.

and so i might be wrong but, i remembered a Euripedes quote that goes like "pray for things to happen as they should and not as how you think they should and you will go on well.."

that's 10 years after high school ♥

i kinda have 3 agenda(plus 1/2 of an agendum for tomorrow- w/c i possibly will take a raincheck on cuz i haven't slept during the afternoon today- gals are goin' to talisay and i realized i should stop the ukay spree cuz i want real clothes from a structured box called a mall and it'll be the best solace to a bruised soul..)

a. october 14ish or something something- Shangrila, Mactan with fifay et miws, I wanna go back there and this time am sure even a sun bathe for the afternoon and a foodless fete is fine with me. i just want girl friend time.

b. october 20ish- 3 night stay in cebu with bacolod gal pals and well, sly is a gal pal nalng din cuz he'll catchup with GG. haha. i honestly wanted to go cuz i haven't gone clubbing during each visit home cuz i am plain and old. so with the bacolod gang, it's possible to go cebu dancing with the ilonggos. :)

and maybe i'll see jacel there too. :0

a plus b- impossible cuz i have bills to pay. watevs.(hi lindee!:) loser kow.

c. november 20ish- karya's invite to davao- i just wanna go even if hell freezes over. it's gonna be a go, unless she tells me she can't afford tickets. but, kikay you hafta afford tickets, how can i make it to le france 2010 if you can't buy me tickets? :)

plan c- possibleh. it's just gonna be a weekend. and i haven't been in davao for a long time. so go etoh!

---
wow philippines jud unta ko if i had dough. :)lol.

i honestly disliked traveling because i have motion sickness. i have a partial dislike of terminals because they are a sad place. but, what makes laag the best thing is that you can learn a certain culture of that city or town and their people, their humor and some bits and pieces of them when you bury your toes in their sand. and of course cebu is the best destination now cuz of my sisters and gal pals and the kiddies. ♥

i honestly wanna go back to america one day- just for shopping. haha. ang shallow. and i will go back. but, i wish i can skip the 14 hour plane ride.

--

oh well, today nazel and i were at lumers, she got booze, i got water, and we shared two bags of chicharon and sili-ed suka. and talked about marrying wealthy or marrying a foreigner and getting houses or lots thru pag-ibig. kafaet sa mamomogon lifestyle. check!

czar mark and sly followed suit.

--
i plan to become an anorexic twig. i thunk doni et sly were aghast to see my bulging tummy. i tell people i might need to be dewormed.(oh gahd, don't get me thinking about these things.) and so, i will be on the camote diet too mareng kat and will do the coffee-trick me, i am satiated. and well, i made a mean fresh tomato salsa today. and finished a whole bag of doritos. bull. so much for dieting.

--
God is really kewl. i just want him to kill a few people though.



you go blaire. haha. too old gale. :)

this from: lj community.

love,
raeyna.

middle names

..."And today's mistake is going to cure me of being too romantic. I have come to the conclusion that it is no use trying to be romantic in Avonlea. It was probably easy enough in towered Camelot hundreds of years ago, but romance is not appreciated now. I feel quite sure that you will soon see a great improvement in me in this respect..."


But Matthew, who had been sitting mutely in his corner, laid a hand on Anne's shoulder...

"Don't give up all your romance, Anne," he whispered shyly, "a little of it is a good thing--not too much, of course--but keep a little of it, Anne, keep a little of it."

L. M. Montgomery

♥

dear matthew,

i'm too angry.

anne.

big brown bag

'God is love,' she said. 'And He
respects love, whether it's between
a parent and child, a man and woman,
or friends.
...Live your
life right... Love with all your
heart. Don't hurt others, and help
those in need. That's all you need
to know.'

Burned, Ellen Hopkins

♥

gelo asked me to wake him up before i go to work today. i almost felt bad that our rest days don't fall on the same day but, i got over it thinking that we might need time for ourselves and yet, when i am at work i feel like i'm a storm wrecked ship that is not anchored. i feel more grounded knowing that he is around. (charootness!)

i hate doing groceries lalo na when when  the bill rings up and you see that you are paying at least 1/8 of your hard earned moolah and you'd get 3 plastic bags. onions cost p29 and a head of lettuce costs p28! incredulous. i asked gelo why, he said it's because of the oil price hike. sa isip ko lang baket nisasaute bah ang gulay sa gasolina?

hayers.

so to end consumerism and cut cost i decided that i'll bring lunch to work. i told gelo i'd make sandwiches and microwave them. and just bring pamasahe daily. this way i can cut my  spending on coffee from bob's/ pepsi- am addicted/and food- and most food from our concessionaires are food from the looney bin and so!!! magbabaon nalang ako. on a daily basis i can spend 100-150php on food, parang sayang when i know that i can make my own lunch.

i lacked sleep. or feel like i lacked sleep so i skipped yoga lest i fall asleep on my own mat.

dear shobe,

i wanna see kairi na gyd. and i wanna see kenji. hayers.

--

wala! di nako magshopping cuz i needed to save for kairi's diaper creams. kaloka ang request ni shobe. and her onesies. but, i don't think i can afford to buy onesies for her. ü

-- i'll miss christian. i have no friend when i am not on the same sched with him. i like the fact that he is such a gentle giant and a really intelligent creature. it rubs in on me. mabright pod ko. :)

i got over the hurt hurt. i am being oa lang talaga yesterday. plus the fact that i am supposed to take calls two hours a week. all crazy things would act up.

adverbs

Love is candy from a stranger,
but it's candy you've had before and it probably won't kill you.

Daniel Handler - Adverbs


gelo's been feeding me with jollibee cheeseburger meal the past couplah days. i still want more!

delirio.

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair,
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

- Pablo Neruda

yawets

Love lost is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end. Love doesn’t.”

Mitch Albom




para na sa mga sawi. gahd, i've been on this call for the past 2 hours. yofaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. ug nabiyaan ko sa ako lunchmate. faetch.





at times i wonder why most gals have hidden agenda. one gal would always bring up a person's name tas would always praise me kaso, i smell something fishy. or is it just moi?


ahhhhhhhhgahd. kalawig sini nga call!

the ice queen

"Be careful what you wish for. I know that for a fact. Wishes are brutal, unforgiving things. They burn your tongue the moment they're spoken and you can never take them back."

rilke

An excerpt from Letter 5


"You are so young, so much before all beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without noticing it, live your way into the answers."

fish.

This is fish number six hundred and forty-one in a lifetime of goldfish. My parents bought me the first one to teach me about loving and caring for another living breathing creature of God. Six hundred and forty fish later, the only thing I know is everything you love will die. The first time you meet someone, you can count on them one day being dead and in the ground.

--

The truth is you can be orphaned again and again and again.
The truth is you will be.

mess.

" It did make a mess; but then, I don't think I'll ever be a very tidy person." 

 

margaret atwood

any apparent somewhere..

"Oh if at every moment of our lives we could know the consequences of some of the utterings, thoughts and deeds that seem so trivial and unimportant at the time! And should we not conclude from such examples that there is no such thing in life as unimportant moments devoid of meaning for the future?"

The Passionate Nomad -- Isabelle Eberhardt

- i still have strange dreams about my old old friends from 10 or so years back. i don't know if it's yearning or feeling nostalgic about how things were i cannot seem to pinpoint one thing about those dreams. and then i got this sms from mike ty telling me his mom passed. i shivered at the thought of not being able to be physically present when friends actually need friends to be there. at times, i just wanted my family & other people whom i really really cared about close by. sad night. but, not extremely. there are tons of other reasons to be happy about being here..

- am glad i somehow have the affirmation from eds that his place is a happy place to be in. things are vague now. i don't even know if i can last 6 more months in the company. at times you go to work and you feel like you have an unseen enemy. but, diba, in the Bible one of God's promises is to lay a banquet in front of you despite the fact that your foes are surrounding you? i am claiming that promise for myself. by monday, i hope to see things clearly. now, i'm all clouded over.

- and then there's gelo. he makes me happy. i sometimes thought that he looks like a tiny beany baby and i could just squeeze him til he would burst.

okay, i am sharing the baby names i have in mind. i don't mind if people will copy, but, these will be the names i wanted for our kids if we would wind up with kids (or can afford to have kids) years from now..
- bianca nicholaa (cuz am sure the baby won't be morena cuz am pale, and gelo is 75% mainland chinese:)

- nafsika victoria (gaya names from a model and from my bessie in high school and of chors, from posh:)

- stefania romina (in honor of stefifay and most of the rominas i know are guapitas:)

- mika mathia - baby boy name cuz gelo wants the boy named mika after some f1 racer and i don't want the child to not have a middle name cuz he'd be teased as kaong.. mi-KAONG. mathia becuz i loved mark ruiz' first baby girl to death. i want our boy to have a girl's name cuz i know he'd be pretty..

- slate dylan - jacob dylan of wallflowers is love. and the Christian life is always counted on fresh slates. good start each time, each day. i want our child to have a name that would remind him that he'll always have forgiveness and can always start anew.

and if all else fails, and if we adopt a child as gelo would want an adopted child if we cannot have any, i'll name our daughter lily rain - grace like rain falls daily. :) and i liked one verse in the Bible about lilies and sparrows and how God sees them each day, i want that child to know that she's seen and loved. (i know wala'y lily of the valley diri but, naa'y water lilies:)

- am sappy today. i pondered that at 26 i came to terms with my body issues. there'll be a quiet acceptance that your waist don't trim down on its own but thickens as you age, that you hafta take care of your skin and yourself in general, that it pays to be hygienic but, you don't have to be totally vain. a work mate's sister who's only 20 almost went to the looney bin because of dieting pills and eating disorder. i shared that i went thru a phase in my life where i was über conscious of my weight, had nothing but lettuce for meals and would induce vomiting when i am upset by putting toothbrush or poking my fingers to my throat. i never talked about it that much cuz it's embarassing. but, every gal going thru puberty and young adulthood would go thru that phase, and if they could just bear in mind not to take things too seriously and talk to a friend who goes thru same bodily issues and insecurities, being a looney can be prevented. ü boo-hoo.

- oh well, it's a friday. and it's payday. happy 4th of july to those who are celebrating it. most of call center agents are celebrating. lesser calls tonight. :)

muah!

of having too much coffee

love is the only god

who spoke this earth so glad and big
even a thing all small and sad
man,may his mighty briefness dig

for love beginning means return
seas who could sing so deep and strong

one queerying wave will whitely yearn
from each last shore and home come young

so truly perfectly the skies
by merciful love whispered were,
completes it brightness with your eyes

any illimitable star- cummings
--

i don't know how i will go about the pile of workload i have for next week. i wish i weren't born as lazy, this way i'd be happy when am at work. bow. oh we have bob's coffee at work now. fyi, bob's is like a classy coffee shop that sells affordable coffee locally. ;p

i miss tacoma, gamay lang. hehe.

life at home and after work: gelo and his old team mates went out, they had unlimited booze. ahgawd, i wonder why guys loved beer when there's really nothing to it.

another suitcase in another hall

...That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person -nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important. Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

-Paolo Coelho

 

this is how i wanted to feel now. blergh. my luggage is a mess. i will die after i am buried with the luggages.

of the wednesdays and bookstores

last night's chikahan over the phone with tl jopie uplifted my spirits big time una, maybe swerte ra kaayo ko to have been sent here to train. pang CV ang whole experience.

and yeah, at least, i saw wut's across my world.

today, we checked borders bookstore. if there's one thing that i'd like in pinas, it will be that bookstore. i can stay there for days. did not get anything though. and they have a burt's bees counter. sobra kamakahappy.

and pumasa ako sa quiz!!! yehey.. unta on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. pasa pirmi til i go home.

it's not so bad here.

cuz last week, san diego vendors came by, i got me granola bars and stuff from hotels in san diego, parang nagshopping ng pens and post its, today, hawaii hotel vendors came by, naghatag ug stuff and i got a tuberose flower/stalk from a hilton hotel vendor cuz they were giving them away. and they also gave macadamia nuts and chocolates and bags. :)

anyway, dami na invites for the weekend. dinner at harmon's on friday, a day in the local zoo(??) on saturday, and snow boarding at the end of the month, plus korean bbq this saturday din.. and am not sure if i am up to those thingyness cuz i have to study or sleep or do laundry pa.

i love room service. when we got home limpyo na ang room. so wednesday it is, manghinlo si manang. :)

God is always great, no matter what circumstance anyone may be in, no matter where, i think in your own city or elsewhere when you look around, He will always be in the details, no matter how crappy your day may be.

today it's crappy as hell. it's been like this every other day or maybe on a daily basis since. maybe, if a person stagnates your growth or self discovery or makes you feel little, you really have to let go. sometimes, differences with someone are great cuz they'll complement(spell check) or make up for the lack that you have in yourself and you'd find that it'll be filled thru relationship/friendship/love for others, but, when you cannot know and do not know how to deal with the differences, it's better that you let go.

methinks, diba, a tree would not bear fruits if it's not pruned? so prune it.

so like reese witherspoon: every gal in this city or in this country will go thru it. and you'll do okay.

oh wells, i am happy with who i am today.

and happy with room service.