birthday 2010

12

yeah, i turned 28.
i also noticed that friends come and go,
loved ones leave,
people can be rash, harsh, and can pass judgement.
that i too can be rash, harsh, pass judgement.
and i learned that i'm very resilient. and i bend but not really break.
and that i'm loved and is really really blessed,

photos from the 9th, 11th, 12th, and the 13th.
yeah. i love march. you win some, you lose some.

camera's really broken na, i could not get decent photos.

[What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about how happy I am. -the unbearable lightness of being.]

cebu, impromptu

keken's animels na yaya left- we had to ship him to cebu right away.
some photos after dinner last night, with the sisters, the aunt, and the brother at pier 1 and starbucks IT park..

july 21, 2009

the holidays

A Christmas Blessing

During this Christmas season,
May you be blessed
With the spirit of the season,
which is peace,
The gladness of the season,
which is hope,
And the heart of the season,
which is love

Somehow, not only for Christmas
But all the long year through,
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing
The poor and lonely and sad,
The more of your heart’s possessing
Returns to you glad.
John Greenleaf Whittier

December 25's dinner with the sibs and in laws at the old pala pala. we had shrimps, squid, and tuna. :) then they had this all bacolod experience of the lagoon. which is chaka, but, for posterity's sake we took pictures.

then off to sorento for lychee margarita and people watching. then we took some more photos in front of smore landmarks in the city.

all i know is..

it's kinda odd how to feel strongly about the holidays when the person you cared about do not care about it. or maybe am just easily swayed. i don't know..

but, then again.. december is always beautiful cuz of the cold blowing of the wind during the night or early morning, a refreshing change to the normally stuffy weather we have, and well, there's a weird holiday spirit that makes everyone a bit nicer and kinder..

out of pettiness i picked on the worst excuse for a tampo tampo fit. wala ko ni mark gipatulan. hahaha. and he managed to joke about it.

i don't have a continuation of the zooey story. i told him he can make it next year.

i told him that maybe one day when am really wealthy i'd go to mexico and drink the hugest bottle of tequila with the wrinkley worms and go dancing and wear the prettiest white dress with ruffles..

am told: i'd want to go to new zealand and fish at their crystal clear streams.. drink fresh milk.. breathe in fresh air.. and eat the juiciest beef steak.. :-)

told him i'd rather be a gypsy than a hobbit.. haha..

i got two more on my list today:
raen facts: with you there is silence but not awkward silence..
more facts: you are not as boring as you think you are.. or as weird..

so much for not being weird or boring. told him in this lifetime i ate the following: frogs, dawgs-gross i know, pigeons, rabbits, grasshoppers, and well, lobsters only twice in my life.. and i want to eat the worm inside that giant bottle of tequila. ü

i told him that it would be tough to find a person who'd not question my partying and drunken tush during the past four years.. and that i did really eeejiotic things and wasn't mindful of the consequences..

maybe it's me or the Christmas woes and blues. or it's still the bad bout of pms.  i quickly dissolved into tears the whole morning and slept almost whole day cuz of it. kakapagod and exhausting. i wish boys would have these as well. it's not fair.

♥

my sister is aghast at the fact that i make patol with a two year old and would not yield. ga ugtas si kenji sa ako today. i'd squeeze him tight and hug and kiss him and he'd yell and throw tantrum fits. and i'd be really happy. haha. my wonderful mind compared to a two year old!

shobe and theomarc will be in bacolod tomorrow. yey!

i hope i'd see mark during the holidays. lawig sang vacation. but, i had to wait til the 30th or 31st cuz assumptionista sad sha. he thought i'd be sleeping the whole time.

and kairi is a darling. she would wail the loudest when hungry. and maghubog og gatas.


dear cities. thanks for making this year a life-altering one. the going to washington, the seeing of the bears and the wild outdoors that i'm not so crazy about but had been a wonderful experience, the transfer of account, the meeting of sooo many people, the uncertainty of the job that i have and knowing that it doesn't necessarily make up my whole person, the new friends i've come to know, the old friends am keeping til i looked like a raisin or a prune, for angelo who will forever be mine even if he thinks he's not mine, for my whole family and the new additions tmac and kairi, for giving me a small group, for mark david and his stories out of imagination and his faith, and the feeling of being blessed in great abundance.

dear cities. no wonder people love you.


Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. ~Dave Barry

happy holidays. haha.

i think the grinch quote is more apt:

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. - How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Dr. Seuss

raenyberry. ♥

fries and chicken

3am lunch at jollibee. sa dihang nagdagan dagan ko para ka apas nila. this might be the last time i'm seeing these kiddies. murag chinese school kids mi.. haha..

12/23/2008

wukits..

Be my anxious moment. Only better. Raise a specter. Love is a hazardous chase down crowded streets. I dream my life in your vicinity. If a nunnery you go, I'll become a priest.
The Mad Song by Michael Shiavo

♥
slept whole day today.

it's a bit hard to not be irked at people try as i might to be real nice, kaso some retorts get me gyud and i happen to be more maldita than they know..

am officially a part of the c.d. team i heard. :)

i might try tutoring koreans on weekend. as i suggested that sunshine do the same to have smore moolah for savings. :) yey! i hope this gets materialized. i wanna do something productive aside from being in the call center.

am also praying for this scholarship/grant/fellowship to study retail(and photog for the boyf), i sure hope i'd get a positive feedback within the month. sana.

life's been treating me well.

:)

smitten

am bitten by the happy jolly jumpy bug. i guess last sunday's service did something really odd to me, altho not totally cuz i kinda snapped back at someone kanina without that person noticing it. anyway, kevs. let's move on to being content and happy and just crushing. and singing :
Umuwi ka na baby, Hindi na ako sanay ng wala ka//
Mahirap ang mag-isa, At sa gabi’y hinahanap-hanap kita. ü hahaha. letse.

oh well. lethal crushing on a newbie na may breshes. :) grabeh cute people allover. arbie is still the prettiest gal in my opinion.
i feel like a loser for not being able to go clubbing when carlos called tonight. i don't want to second that feeling on sunday. i will go out. with carlos ting and his crew-char and jakathra dyosa! :)
but, i have kenji to baby sit. the sis and the nephew will stay for a week. job hunt et al.
i wonder why i feel so wealthy. i am wealthy because there are better people in my life now. :)

cannot wait for the beach!

'What about me?'
'What about you?'
'What about me?'
'You'll be fine.'
'I don't know,' I say. 'I don't think so.'
'Let's talk about something else.'
'What about me?' I scream, choking.
'Come on..' the psychiatrist says. 'Don't be so... mundane.'
-bret easton ellis - less than zero

dear johnny

It is far better to be taught to think critically and then be allowed to make your own decisions than to have someone else's notions thrust upon you." 
-- Christopher Paolini, Eldest

Happy Birthday!

you know i heart you and look up to you.

Best always,
Raen

those lil guideposts

my females hormones are acting up lately. i was nauseated the whole day and lost my security blanket- my medium sized bottle of white flower. :)

but today's not so bad, we got to get thrifted clothes from talisay's depot- hahaha. goodwill hunting galores. czar/anime/some trainers/nazel. :)

McDonald's no longer as inviting as i thought fast food were. gimme two days, i will retract this statement. and well, i ate muffins with the training team for breakfast at mcdo today. nyoks.

altho i honestly wanted to starve myself cuz people always mistake me as pregnant- case in point- the ukay guy tells me, "miga bagay na sa imo kay buntis ka." haha, makatumbling- i then am compelled to really stop bingeing on anything that's made out of 2-4 legs. and yet, i consumed 2 crabs from anime's house(with nazel agawing my share:), a pandesal smeared with veggie spread, one plate of beef spaghetti at home, and even bought ice scramble.

tempted to buy durian today, but decided not to cuz i have to take mass transit yatap mga kuyog nkog dyip eh.

today's been fun. i thought i had at least 6-7 hours of sleep.

Dear God, i'd fancy it if you killed other people who pisses me off. or if you want i can poke some gals' eyes cuz kabwisit sila. panget sila.

"People grow through experience, if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." - Eleanor Roosevelt

that means nazel can be mayora and czar congresswoman, i'll be vice president na diay. :)

man, i really miss my sisters. :( they could've awayed the pangets in the world.

hola!

She says, "Don't do what you want." She says, "Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want."
It's the opposite of following your bliss.
..."Do the things that scare you the most."
Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
--
some days are like the best and the worst days of your life.

after 3 weeks of not seeing and speaking to each other gelo and i met for lunch at business inn, i ordered kansi and watermelon slush for us. :) 3 weeks felt like 3 years of absence. it's hard not to hug him or hold his hand or gush at how his hair is growing in the right places now and how good he looked and how thin and it's hard not to worry about him because i still think the world of him and wants the best for him and hopefully he gets the ong ancestral house and millions now that he is the only proper heir to it. haha. and he'll do okay and he'll grow up nicely and i wish he'd show up for work every night and be good at it and speak english correctly and we'll work on being better friends than ex lovers holding grudges against each other.

today i learned to let go. although,selfish as i may sound i still want angelo to hang around. it's partly because i miss his company and how his laughter fills the apartment and still resonates in my head, and how he gets on his maoy mode though at times it's either embarrassing and infuriating i miss those times. this afternoon, i told him we should've been asleep at this time, and he says, nagmaoy na tani ko cuz i can't sleep.
in between tears i told him that i can't remember him saying that he loves me first, he tells me he has been telling me that he loves me..
i know he did. oh well, things are looking up brightly for both of us i guess.

am back to work. i've been absent last friday. i looked forward to work because sunshine smsd that she'll show up and is bringing meringue and butterscotch from biscocho house iloilo. i brought butter popcorns and we popped both bags correctly. then ER termed her. it's hard not to miss her. i miss ana too. both girls are my fave agents by far.

my ears hurt. they ring and bang and itch i have impacted ear drums. the doc calls it otitis externa. oh man, those who have lil understanding of ear infection calls it bu-og hahaha. leche.

my eyes stung too. i wore my glasses and i am on my hilo and blurred mode. i'm tired of crying over the littlest things. and i am not even on my pms mode.

digression: about work still- i thunk tama si jeremy. even if you don't like a person, try to be nice. I AM TRYING. and good Lord, sometimes it's hard to be nice.

i said gbye to matthew today too. i don't really want him to be caught in this heaped up mess called RAEN. i am not being fair to any of us. but, i want him to go see kairi in cebu. he will go with me.(saying this with conviction cuz i already asked him- haha!) he has been the kindest most level-headed 26 year old i know. and i only had the loveliest, most princessy treatment ever since we've been together.
and he had concrete plans. you hardly see anyone running around with concrete plans these days.


the weekend: saturday, i saw an ent with mateo, then after which we had lunch at hong kong kitchen, we ordered rice and beef with broccoli which according to matthew tasted like my broccoli and pork tips. :) uh-yeah. then i met emi at bob's. i was blabbering all along, as if we were good friends since day one. i don't know what is it about new gal pals that makes me excited and happy. meeting people can really be an experience. :) dear emi, thanks for seeing me. will see you in cebu. :)

sunday, we had breakfast at jollibee libertad with arbie, then martha caught up with us, then we all went on a sunny sunday excursion in murcia for the great ukay hunt. haha. i bought huges scarves, a woven skirt of a korean brand, some korean dresses. :)

am never gonna run out of them dresses na and am not gonna go shopping unless i am buying food.

when we got home we did the groceries. i don't like the groceries anymore. it's a hasslefeck.

i missed church. but, God has been awfully faithful. i just pray that other people wake up and see how imperfect they are before they pass judgement. it's awful at times.

oh well..

“I know what it is,” she said. “We aren’t in Bethesda anymore and we aren’t in high school. We aren’t really in our families and we aren’t in our houses. Those are the places we grew up and the times we spent together, but they aren’t us. If we think they are, then we’re lost, because times end and places are lost. We aren’t any place or any time.”
She thought of their Pants. She pictured them blowing off the laundry line and into the air, floating and soaring until they silently merged into sky and sea.
“That’s the thing. We are everywhere.”
-Carmen, Ann Brashares, Forever in Blue, the Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood

i needed a new apartment. my place is oddly really sad. and i cannot forever stay stuck in that state when i hafta get used to molding myself and the way i saw this city with some new souls.

postponed coffee with arbie but we got to talk during shift. oh well, some gals are just as sawi as i am. haha. isumpa ang call center at pag-ibig.

life isn't as boring as it seems to be at all, tomorrow, we'll have breakfast at mcdo with the gals and gays from exfuja.

i'm totally sleepy. God is amazingly kind.

it's payday. i miss old paydays. pero go nalang ng go.

enuf said

bleeding love on the background:

"This world is filled with things that will never make sense. Trying to make so much sense of them will only result in one thing. Spending the rest of your life trying to remember what you were like before any of it mattered."

At Last There is Nothing Left to Say by Matthew Good


gelo and i dated today. after work i caught up with him and asked him if he can take me out. so we saw dark knight. excruciating, painfully long movie. must see on a weekend not on a work day.

hayers. lemme have a decent job Lord.

oh joy!

thursday morning of this week. all dut booze at pizza o.

the calm before the storm

june's birthday at kgb in the midst of typhoon frank.

cookie cutter

"People who have only good experiences aren't very interesting. They may be content, and happy after a fashion, but they aren't very deep. It may seem a misfortune now, and it makes things difficult, but well--it's easy to feel all the happy, simple stuff. Not that happiness is necessarily simple. But I don't think you're going to have a life like that, and I think you'll be the better for it. The difficult thing is to not be overwhelmed by the bad patches. You must let them defeat you. You must seem them as a gift--a cruel gift, but a gift nonetheless."

Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You by Peter Cameron

today's payday. gelo gave me some shopping money so i got me a shirt and a white cigarette jeans from guess(both on sale:)// in return i gave him some for his red pair of puma as well. :)
nakakahappy pag payday. :) cakes at calea tasted better pa gyud. :)

i don't think anything can sink my spirits now masking may minor irritation and "praningated" thingies inside my systems.

i already know wut i wanted. and i know how to get there. as of today. :)

shobe's due on the 19th of September. the baby's gender is not known yet.

God works beautifully gyud. masking ulan and baha pa tonight.

i'm soooo sleepy and full. i went out to dinner at kjb- butterfly's birthday treat, it turned out. it caused a whole lot of trouble after though but, who cares..

happy weekend.
edits: got me lottery tickets. gelo told me God knows who needed money more than us, told him, God knows we are deserving. haha.

dance the night away

june 7, 2008

bantayan 2008

photos from bryan's and czarina's digis.
weekend in sugar beach, sta. fe, bantayan island, cebu province.
ü
complete albums:
http://picasaweb.google.com/czaweena/Bantayan08
http://tpdell.multiply.com/photos/album/8/Dell_Q2_Strategy_Planning_-_Sugar_Beach_Bantayan


june 7-9, 2008

water bucket

Start:	Jun 7, '08 07:00a
End:	Jun 9, '08

bantayan na namens. second time around from the top! bwahahaha.

saving my life in unlikely ways

told gelo about people with loosened screws, asked him to promise me that if we were ever gonna get married he should take care of me in case i go psycho. he said, he's used to me driving him up the wall. so, i guess that's a promise. ♥

--
mental disorder is a sad thing. even alcholism is a sad thing. people have monsters in them.. i know i have this love-hate relationship with jeremy(friend, baby boss) but, at times he makes sense too. i'm too angry yesterday then he told me not to take everyone personaly, cuz them people are just made dut way. some are tactless, some have monsters. and he told me about certain brain disorders that affected some ppl, he said drugs are just temporary relief however, it's someone's relationship with Christ that they should nurture this way they can fight the lil monsters inside their heads. made me think.

--
so i have lil monsters, and at times work gets the better of me too. and some people are just plainly stupid and point fingers(as i do that often too, so am stupid at times too and libakera- haha:) albeit these, i were directed to this verse today:

Ephesians 6:7 (King James Version)

With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men..

simply put, work is not supposed to be done for other people's glory/ appreciation/ commendation, kudos for a good job should come from your God cuz you are only accountable to Him, when men question you, you know that in your heart you are making/working your best for your God.

--

this should be the most incoherent entry i've written so far.

--

anyway, i am praying for work in singapore, thailand, or the states. i wanted this said/written out loud so that it will easily be materialized. :)

--

so, am doing side by side coaching with the new wave on transition queue. jumpy and scared. i wish i could manage to say the right things. diw Lord, i did not know am THIS insecure! and i thought callcenter work is peanut.

--

Most of our attempts to translate our innermost feelings do no more than relieve us of them by drawing them out in a blurred form which does not help us to identify them.

Marcel Proust, "Swann's Way"

--

the people i love, i really love

more cebu lurving. with gelo, kentot, and shobe. ü


"We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream."

The Last Unicorn
Peter S. Beagle