hola!

She says, "Don't do what you want." She says, "Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want."
It's the opposite of following your bliss.
..."Do the things that scare you the most."
Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
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some days are like the best and the worst days of your life.

after 3 weeks of not seeing and speaking to each other gelo and i met for lunch at business inn, i ordered kansi and watermelon slush for us. :) 3 weeks felt like 3 years of absence. it's hard not to hug him or hold his hand or gush at how his hair is growing in the right places now and how good he looked and how thin and it's hard not to worry about him because i still think the world of him and wants the best for him and hopefully he gets the ong ancestral house and millions now that he is the only proper heir to it. haha. and he'll do okay and he'll grow up nicely and i wish he'd show up for work every night and be good at it and speak english correctly and we'll work on being better friends than ex lovers holding grudges against each other.

today i learned to let go. although,selfish as i may sound i still want angelo to hang around. it's partly because i miss his company and how his laughter fills the apartment and still resonates in my head, and how he gets on his maoy mode though at times it's either embarrassing and infuriating i miss those times. this afternoon, i told him we should've been asleep at this time, and he says, nagmaoy na tani ko cuz i can't sleep.
in between tears i told him that i can't remember him saying that he loves me first, he tells me he has been telling me that he loves me..
i know he did. oh well, things are looking up brightly for both of us i guess.

am back to work. i've been absent last friday. i looked forward to work because sunshine smsd that she'll show up and is bringing meringue and butterscotch from biscocho house iloilo. i brought butter popcorns and we popped both bags correctly. then ER termed her. it's hard not to miss her. i miss ana too. both girls are my fave agents by far.

my ears hurt. they ring and bang and itch i have impacted ear drums. the doc calls it otitis externa. oh man, those who have lil understanding of ear infection calls it bu-og hahaha. leche.

my eyes stung too. i wore my glasses and i am on my hilo and blurred mode. i'm tired of crying over the littlest things. and i am not even on my pms mode.

digression: about work still- i thunk tama si jeremy. even if you don't like a person, try to be nice. I AM TRYING. and good Lord, sometimes it's hard to be nice.

i said gbye to matthew today too. i don't really want him to be caught in this heaped up mess called RAEN. i am not being fair to any of us. but, i want him to go see kairi in cebu. he will go with me.(saying this with conviction cuz i already asked him- haha!) he has been the kindest most level-headed 26 year old i know. and i only had the loveliest, most princessy treatment ever since we've been together.
and he had concrete plans. you hardly see anyone running around with concrete plans these days.


the weekend: saturday, i saw an ent with mateo, then after which we had lunch at hong kong kitchen, we ordered rice and beef with broccoli which according to matthew tasted like my broccoli and pork tips. :) uh-yeah. then i met emi at bob's. i was blabbering all along, as if we were good friends since day one. i don't know what is it about new gal pals that makes me excited and happy. meeting people can really be an experience. :) dear emi, thanks for seeing me. will see you in cebu. :)

sunday, we had breakfast at jollibee libertad with arbie, then martha caught up with us, then we all went on a sunny sunday excursion in murcia for the great ukay hunt. haha. i bought huges scarves, a woven skirt of a korean brand, some korean dresses. :)

am never gonna run out of them dresses na and am not gonna go shopping unless i am buying food.

when we got home we did the groceries. i don't like the groceries anymore. it's a hasslefeck.

i missed church. but, God has been awfully faithful. i just pray that other people wake up and see how imperfect they are before they pass judgement. it's awful at times.