The stork came real early for Christmas!

Nov 30, '10 5:25 AM

In November 25,  found out we're pregnant as I tested positive on a home HCG kit. The baby, after J and I discussed about plans of getting married by October of 2011 wasn't a part of the deal. We decided to move to Cebu in Jan. 2011, and go about life as a married couple without a child. I've been on potent and strong medication since summer of this year. I've been diagnosed with a couple of ills- ones that will plague me for the rest of my life if I am not careful about the way I eat and the things that I do to myself- so I thought I might wind up barren. I've so much substance in my body that a zygote will not think about surviving inside me. I'm wrong. God has ways, unimaginable.
All sorts of thrill winds up inside me now. I've no way to go but be happy about it even when the imp is really going to ruin our life plans. But who cares, I wouldn't ask for our circumstance to be any different.

November 29, went thru my first Trans-V Ultrasound. Found out that I am 5 weeks along- and I've been clueless. I've been taking steroids, antihistamines, painkillers, and been hanging around friends who smoke. I'm ultimately an idiot for not asking for the print out of the sac. It's looks like a balut, so round, the result says it's just .14cm in diameter. A tiny, tiny yellow sac that'll change both J and my perspective about a childless marriage. ;p Down side is: I've a cyst on my left ovary, and I am hemorrhaging. Tomorrow, it'll be a gyne visit. I am not so scared anymore. I know the kiddo is alive.

xx

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dear baby,

i was in the strangest sense of shock yesterday. i let myself cry knowing that you are already a realization of all the longing and wishing and praying of my past, younger self. i am a bit unprepared. knowing that your mother and daddy had their lives mapped out for 2011 and for the rest of their lives. that they know that they loved each other and promised to be together, forever soon. and then there's you. and it's not only gonna change things in a tad way but in a major, astronomical way.

nonetheless, we both promise that we love you despite being unprepared, despite being weirded out by the circumstance. i guess, now i couldn't quite imagine if things did not turn out the same way as now.

mama, promises to be happy while you're inside and to eat well while you're turning out to be the little one we both had wished to eventually have. mama promises not to put you at risk while you're so tiny. and today, being the 2nd day that i've learned that you are alive, i wanted to tell you that you already have a name and again, that you are truly, truly loved.

in 20 years time, you might no longer need mama and daddy. but, i know you'll be awesome. cuz you already are giving me all sense of awesome inside me now. thank you.

waiting in anticipation,

mama

november 26, 2010

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