Thursday, September 30, 2010

tic douloureux

i officially have a name for my jaw pain. the doctor diagnosed it as TN- trigeminal neuralgia or in fancier term tic douloureux.

is a neuropathic disorder characterized by episodes of intense pain in the face. Originating in one of the three trigeminal nerves. This pain may be felt in any or all of the following: the ear, eye, lips, nose, scalp, forehead, cheeks, teeth, or jaw and alongside of the face, some patients also experience pain in their left index finger; it is not easily controlled or cured. It is estimated that 1 in 15,000 people suffer from trigeminal neuralgia, although the actual figure may be significantly higher due to frequent misdiagnosis.

It is more common in females.

TN brings about severe stabbing pain, electrical shock sensations, a pressure or crushing sensation, and a burning sensation may also be reported ; these sensations may be caused from a touch to the affected area of one's face, but in many patients the pain is generated spontaneously without any apparent stimulation.

Individual attacks usually affect one side of the face at a time, lasting from several seconds to a few minutes and repeat up to hundreds of times throughout the day. The pain also tends to occur in cycles with remissions lasting months or even years.

-from wikipedia

Doctor says I have to take this anticonvulsant drug 3 times daily to control the attacks. I'd have to go thru a series of tests including CBC, ESR, urinalysis, and MRI with contrast- meaning an IV would be inserted on my hand while undergoing MRI.

Inasmuch as I don't want to be depressed, I couldn't help it. If the MRI results comes out badly, I might be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis as well. FML.

http://www.fpa-support.org/

ohhhhh, the sweetest thing

nebule i cannot finish because i wind up bored while the plastic mask is stuck on my face- but yeah i breathe for fresh air & better lungs. (:

j and i in a cansi house, some time last week
our big girl kairi. so pretty. a pretty monster that is!
(:

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

huge things, big worlds

by january dichee and my little nephew leave bacolod.
by that time, it'll be me by my lonesome in that empty, rotting apartment.
i don't know what to do when 2011 comes.

i am marrying j when i turn 32, that's like almost 4 years from now. i am saying this without a flicker of doubt in mind.

my tic douloureux will be stuck with me for a lifetime. i'd have to see a neuro often. and my life will be about pacing. i don't know what to choose, would pain of betrayal, loneliness, of hunger, be better than physical pain? with all the pain killers i'm taking as of late, i know my kidney will not do well.

almost everything is depressing. films i've watched over the past few days are depressing. and educational. opened my eyes to history in the middle east- at least a bit of it. made me see that there might be hope for humanity. - we gotta feed the hungry and we're happy.

last monday, j and i were in robinson's, i was looking into getting a house. i don't really know if it would be a good idea if we moved into his house. scrap that, it's going to be a bad idea altogether. i just want my own house.

-
Holocausts do not amaze me. Rapes and child slavery do not amaze me. And Franklin, I know you feel otherwise, but Kevin does not amaze me. I am amazed when I drop a glove in the street and a teenager runs two blocks to return it. I am amazed when a checkout girl flashes me a wide smile with my change, though my own face had been a mask of expedience. Lost wallets posted to their owners, strangers who furnish meticulous directions, neighbors who water each other's houseplants - these things amaze me.


- Lionel Shriver, We Need to Talk About Kevin

how'd you save your tweets?

  1. sooooooo many cute chinese boys running around. just noticed. (:
  2. Dulcet: Sweet, sugary.
  3. 'kay, i'm screwed.
  4. and surgery will not help, there's no prevention, only pain maintenance. with all the pain killers i'm taking, wabout my kidney?
  5. my jaw pain attacks intermittently, it's like a tormentor who sees you every time and comes to get you. sad thing is, i've to live w/ this.
  6. promise would be one of my fave english word,it's pilipino counterpart pangako is also a beaut.
  7. Genesis 28:12-15 [15b] I will not leave you UNTIL I HAVE DONE what I have PROMISED you. #onetoomanypromises
  8. Is 40:29, "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." #onetoomanypromises
  9. i've been playing feeding frenzy on my notebook, j just started plants vs. zombies, we're late bloomers. haha.
  10. “Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.” #oscarwilde - I♥him!
  11. “Zest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest.” #christiandior
  12. @BSuaco sige na pod power outage in davao? same thing here. it's disrupts so many things.
  13. ok, good vibes, the thought of j would give me so much peace, that i'd rather not think about the sick provincial crap of these ppl.
  14. kasamok damo hisa-an diri na ulubrahan, if you can't take it, quit looking.
  15. @rakstarppip ditto.
  16. wants warm blueberry waffles with nutella. oh rainy day!
  17. World history shows so many sick, demented minds. You got Hitler, the Talibans, Marcos, why can't ppl spend money on hunger?
  18. worse than "non-believers" and thus according to them were w/out any rights. Almost 15 yrs ago, these things were happening. It's sickening.
  19. Taliban committed massacres, especially among the Shia and Hazara population which they regarded as "sub-humans"
  20. for you, a thousand times over
  21. if the russians did not invade afghanistan, would the talibans rule over them? #kiterunner
  22. @rakstarppip hahaha. Ataya! Lingaw na cguro kaau si Raf ron.
  23. @talk2GLOBE we need tech dispatch.
  24. the boys from kite runner still make me sad.
  25. @talk2GLOBE our wimax antenna is dislodged on our roof. our connection is intermittent. wtf? ayusin nyo trabaho nyo.
  26. Tic douloureux, man I am ticked.
  27. pacing baby, pacing
  28. saw forever young this afternoon. ♥
  29. neurologist appointment tomorrow. fml.
  30. last night was the worst. i took 4 painkillers in several intervals and my jaw was still in stabbing pain.
  31. @BSuaco dili PMS, there are so many things to think about and do all at once, nawala ko sa passing.
  32. is out of sorts
  33. @chrstnm happy birthday cee! ♥
  34. google takes the cake! http://twitpic.com/2shdv4
  35. and fxck.
  36. ah, i have a couplah of things that has got to do with ginger- got a pack of pastilles-bleh too sweet & slathered on a liniment- too hot!
  37. the supermarket does not have mint sprigs in the herb section. painful!
  38. bacardi like it's your birthday.
  39. http://www.stormfront.org/books/mein_kampf/ - if you have a reader with wi-fi like ipad, this would be a good read. #takeitwithagrainofsalt
  40. mein kampf-thought it would be virtually impossible to get a copy, the boyf got one today. not thrilled, hitler isn't worth emulating.
  41. got 2 movies today: forever young and the kite runner. (:
  42. When you fall apart Dry your eyes, dry your eyes Life is always hard For the Belle of the Boulevard
  43. i always thought i belonged to the gen x, now read about gen y and thinks i'm in between. (:
  44. belle of the boulevard
  45. You say you want Your love to work out right To last with me through the night. But all I want is you. ♥
  46. you say hers theirs ours its if you meant them in the possessive form. haha, good to know.
  47. nostalgia for the olympic pen and the 90s is tough.
  48. All I want is YOU: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N41gOPiMNVs&feature=related
  49. is listening to the ost of chasing amy and reality bites. i feel sorry i only grew up w/ harry potter series(altho it's not that bad).
  50. a lapse protestant would be a good way to describe what am i currently. (:
  51. I'm feeling nothing But all alone Just missing someone I don't even know But until I find them I'll wait patiently ♥
  52. nothing can beat the 90s soundtracks and mush: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMJXADJWZBI
  53. And So the Lion fell in Love with the Lamb ♥
  54. i'd catch survivor PI just bfre i go to work, realized tat sme girls just hv it no? solenn heussaff is really pretty and seems level-headed.
  55. kenji leaving bacolod after the Christmas holidays is unthinkable. #sad
  56. i'm spent #domesticgoddessiamnot
  57. if from grades 1-3, they taught all subjects in pilipino save english, what will happen to our pupils? i'm aghast.
  58. i want a copy of chasing amy. ben affleck was cute there.
  59. @BSuaco i fancy goyard too. it has its own history.
  60. gahd, papercut.
  61. spent the whole afternoon cleaning the kitchen counters. domestication is the bane of my peaceful existence.
  62. @BSuaco dyosa ka. dika tao!
  63. @BSuaco FML = Fxck my life babe. (: I keep using the expletive lately.
  64. i want a pair of jones new york specs. fucccccccccccccccccccccck.
  65. now i'm thinking of getting 10 of those eco bags in the next shopping trip. it should do us all (and mother earth) well.
  66. i think i have my allergies acting up. fml. and the boyfriend have the suckiest rest days. fuck, fuck, fuck!
  67. finished two helpings of california maki today and a huge bowl of selecta halo halo ice cream. oh Lord, food is really a blessing! #feed
  68. “She’s never where she is,” I said. “She’s only inside her head."
  69. i wouldn’t mind living in a brownstone. (:
  70. in cooking there's no in-between, so you gotta be a bad or a good cook. i think i know which category i fit in. #domesticgoddessiamnot
  71. took kenji to the work place today, we went swimming, the toddler screams no when asked to go home. oh how we create little monsters!
  72. splurge(s) of the day are a microwave, and some ceramic and tin wares. #domesticgoddessiamnot
  73. @BSuaco thanks for the review in a nutshell. kuyawan ko sa trailer lindz. (:
  74. kadiri and hataw are both cute filipino words. (:
  75. couldn't swallow an antibacterial pill, it got stuck on midway on my tongue. fuck, fuck, fuck.
  76. "The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world."
  77. "It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing." #lemonysnicket
  78. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them."
  79. "When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them.
  80. http://www.hardcandy.com/
  81. licorice twizzlers are love on the otherhand ü
  82. licorice jellybeans are gross
  83. @BSuaco it's not for me, gahd i have aversion for movies with those themes
  84. mayhem (: taking the 4 yr old swimming tomorrow.
  85. why would you name your child Lemony Snicket? ha-ha!
  86. bigelow green tea is aplud
  87. ohhhhhhhhhhhh, fxck you!
  88. @chrstnm kay ginclose ko card ko sa bpi. gusto ko magpayment arrangement to stop the interest, kinanlan ko tawgan collections nila. argh.
  89. @BSuaco i hate impressionable adults. Kaya nga they're called adults forgodsakes, maka lagut ppl who easily get influenced by others.
  90. @chrstnm Wala pako ka palantaw sa gyne ah. (: Mapalantaw ko next week.
  91. What is English if not mutable? #tumblrlogs
  92. It seems to me that, at this point, common usage allows the word "quotes" to act as a noun as well, meaning the same thing as "quotations."
  93. feels sleep-deprived
  94. Many hourly workers at big box stores must sometimes ponder this question. #lifeinthebpo
  95. How do you live with the knowledge that you are not considered a human being but simply a consumer resource? #workerbee
  96. on some days i think i look like @yokoono ü
  97. "One of the most dangerous concepts of human society is that children believe what they are told."
  98. @chrstnm Cee, sin-o gyne mo? Mayo man kad diin sha gaclinic? Gakadepressed ko panumdom nga budlayan kami mag buntis ah.
  99. i ate so much dates and jelly beans today. suffice to say i'm a sweet tooth!
  100. one month after the tragic bus incident happened. :( our govt should learn to do root cause analysis.
  101. autumnal equinox: the sun crosses the plane of the equator away from the relevant hemisphere, making day and night of equal length.
  102. i hate it when i wind up sleeping or stays too long in front of my notebook playing plants vs zombie when i could've spent time doing yoga
  103. now i have to call collections. kalerky ang bpi, they have a non-working toll free number, and it's tough to get payment plans.
  104. We slept 7 straight hours today! Wow.
  105. life's premise: We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody & they don't have books, don't fcuk them. John Waters
  106. I wouldn’t want a boy to think I was pretty unless he was the kind of boy who thought I was pretty.
  107. Give me your hand to hold| ‘Cause I can’t stand to love alone|And love alone is not enough to hold us up #jarsofclay
  108. of all the days to look at photos of ovaries and the reproductive system. :( i hate mine, it's so un-prolific!
  109. http://www.flickr.com/people/euthman/ fascinating photos of the human diseases!
  110. i feel sorry for myself, i couldn't relate to the maths and bicycles!
  111. will be more discplined about yoga starting laturrrrrrrrrr.
  112. stirrup leggings and that pair of gap sneakers in my mind.
  113. got me a new/compact ceramic potpourri burner and a bottle of lavender and mint oils today. (: i want my bedroom and wash to smell like spa.
  114. today was ♥
  115. hua kong is a haven for cooking enthusiasts. they've all the ingredients and spices you'd need in your kitchen for a small price!
  116. we were so chinese today. all stuff we got are from china. haha.
  117. @chrstnm Sadly I'm not. Ginhibian ko ni kahapon, pero bse God has different plans for me and JJ ah.
  118. @ChinPossible chin, asa ang thin na part sa akoa? hahaha.
  119. gahd i hate taking antibacterial stuff. i feel sick as of late.
  120. Life has been some combination of fairy-tale coincidence and joie de vivre and shocks of beauty together with some hurtful self-questioning.
  121. From Sylvia Plath ♥
  122. a city will be named after us baby.
  123. di baleng di ako mg-kakaanak ever, marami naman akong pera. hahaha. gosh, last night news hurt a hell lot.
  124. daming errands. ayoko!
  125. i will not let my nephew play with my phone, he downloaded a game and am gonna be billed. lerkiness!
  126. kenji can speak in sentences. haha.
  127. it's nice when the person you're dating is your friend first. (:
  128. we dated yesterday. saw resident evil, the boyf got me a film toy cam, and at the end of the day realized it's our first month. ♥
  129. Wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.
  130. Proverbs 2:10,11 one of the over 7000 promises of God.