i've come undone

it's december 1.

<3

sobrang kilig. my mood, as compared to last year is soo much better. last year was heart-wrenching ang december 1. my Jesus, thank You.

peace is da bomb talaga.

i am going shopping! it's a declaration. promise. haha. and i am paying my debt and paying my bills on time. haha!

and i resolve to be more accurate with my monitors. haha.

kilig kilig kilig. :)

sighs. i cannot get enuf.

So, give up the right
To control the waves that empty out your life
Above wild skies
Are the rays that break the shadows we design

Give it up, let go
These are things you were never meant to shoulder
Give it up, let go

jars of clay- mike, am hooked!

 

cee, bwas nalang ta magwa. loveyou.

 

live like you mean it

Current mood:	groggy
Current music:	long night- the corrs

sighs sometimes ppl take me too literally. it rained when i woke up tas i only had zesto mango + the eeeky strawberry tikoy for dinner cuz i was running late for work when i smsd that it wuz raining and am off to work, ang gisulti pa naman kay...cge dear halong. pa-sleep na ko. grr. why bakit nganu di mana sila kibaw muread between the lines sa ga-ulan tas ma-late nku? nganu ang gunyt man ang basahun tawun ui? ugtas.

 

si jethro kay nitext, magsge mana sya sulti damguhan ko niya, ana ko prayhan nya nalang that way he wouldn't dream na naa ko cuz nightmare yun. diba diba? hay gimingaw nko sa davao. :( naa pajud sya kanawung kaau dre na gi-add podko sa friendster. hahaha. ang chinese community is gravitating towards me lately, as opposed to nikita na puro foreign investors magpaduol niya.

 

i wonder wut they have been feeding him, di na btw sya mustorya namu. to think kami bya toh supposedly ang friends na purely platonic. hahay. looy pod kaau sya if muto-o sya mayong taw mga set of friends niya.

 

sighs, namiss ko na magbisaya. ge-atay!

 

di madayun sila shobe. paksit ia pay if mu-anhi sya. ako nalang tah toh niuli last weekend... :( puslan man wa naman pod mi gadungan sko imaginary friend/pet. ;(

 

oh today i had my bayo watch exchanged. the one i got last week is one of the factory freaks. haha. and law took us to robinson's pala..he is the LAW daw eh. ingnon ra nku nimu lawrence na di ka kibw mu-drive. paeta kang koreanoha ka. hehehe. tas cee and i had buncha lunch at shakey's, and we bought the glittery butterflies for our phones. haha. (i saw malyn and teej pod diay-how fair is that, she gave birth ug mas da-ut paxa naku?)

 

ang buhay ng Christiano ai masayang tunay. true true true! salamat Lord, ginakilig jud ko nimu. hehe. :)

 

ug wa na diay sya gapait, di man niya sala na ganahan ka niya... tas kakatingin mo ng friendster nya, maka sulti nalang ka pu-ol man diay, ug di man diay ana ka interesting ang whole set up nila as a person....mao ratoh. pero sigurado jud manlamig ka pag kita ka nila together kuyog sa company holiday party. sya naay arm candy, ikaw kay wa...or if ikaw ni show up with someone in tow...sya kay wa, tas nagsisi ka kay nganu man ko nikuyog paglain.haha. life.

 

ug nag-ask si nikki, so ibog naka sa new pet mo, ang tubag sa maayong taw kay- dili ah, nalingaw rko niya kay ginapakatawa ko niya, si d*v*y gyapon ako kaibugan mga 48 years.... bitaw bitaw.

 

 

 

 

 

Raenyberry

"I believe in Christianity

just as I believe that the

sun has risen, not only because 

I see it...but because by it

I see everything else" C.S Lewis

16 calls monitored, 1 synopsis done

i am superrrr....

 

bwahaha. di bitaw, i was just reminded that if we start everything with Him, He'll amaze us with the strength that He would give us, later in the day you'll realize, how did i do that..... (i did not start with yoga)

in a day we can only do sooo much. ;)

 

 

wukits, am getting preachy.

 

team thor

resex

ahay ngaa

wala nkon sya namaistro?

 

kinawat ra ang pix sa friendster. hush hush.

 

my summer girls

a simpleton like me would need....

Mood:

loved

a cup of double espresso, some really good calls to listen to and would make work easier, someone else to cling to(ha!), and really really good conversation e.g....where the english language came from(who'd think it is german based and not latino?)

 

i started rebuilding, am really really trying extra hard to rebuild our relationship, Him and moi, i may sound OA, but, am trying extra bit harder that way...reading my devotional(w/c i've been rereading since forever) i learned that it's not too much to show kindness in any way...that we pass thru life just once, and it's not what you have done that might make a difference, but, what you have not done that you might endup regretting. so, it's about time that one would only utter kind words, be generous with praise, be winsome and tender when you speak or act....oh wells, natouched ko, kadyut lang, tas nafeel nko ang presence that i couldn't be this kind to everyone. mapilian ra. hahaha.

 

dinner with cee and vincent-chinese school bus slash puppy was fun. cee and i couldn't help but laugh when vinch is around. masaya xang kasama. sana marunong nalang xa magenglish tsaka marunong xang magsimba, haha. is that too much to ask? ayun, as useless sa Lord Byron's na naman kami and as useless babyback ribs na naman. but, i will never get sawa cuz it's the best ribs i've had so far. tas after drecho kami sa calea-east for coffee. and my allergen named tim caught up wit us. since my mood turned around and i realized he is kermit tha frog, or sounds like kermit the frog, i'm giving him a slack, and cee seemed happy when he is around. soo.... i am not gonna say anything na. and friend xa ni vinchent.

 

 

footah, ican cry chinchansoo tears na naman, my back is patched with salonpas plasters cuz of the back massage i had. am never returning to salon de rose, paanish maxado. sighs, i might endup with acquired diabetes before year-end. i've been hoarding sweets and am not eating anything healthy...anyweis, i bought nori, this way parang there's something healthy on my diet. haha!

 

Christmas wishlist- a fridge! anyone? sending in donation?

 

am just terribley elated that papa jake thought that fulghum is great. haha, am really thinking twice about having to let someone borrow that book, xempre, it's from jacel but, it's about time that i do a good turn and let ppl know that there are really good books to learn from and that Christianity can't be too overwhelming when one learns that a minister smokes cigar and drinks booze at times. hahaha.

 

and when it comes to talking about kids, a dad's eye would literally light up, parang nothin else in the world can get the kick outta their eyes sa? and parang they're the proudest ppl on earth when they'd talk about daughters.... teej is way cute when he talks about trea to me, parang nawawala inis ko sa kanya and parang we are old old friends...well, yeah, he is the most familiar thing i have here, kaya din i would hold on to him. tsaka masaya din naman xang kausap kung kami kami lang, and ilike listening to his paksit ang 2k stories when he would buy baby's formula or avent feeding bottles for his baby. hay, ako flounder ni grow up najud. when will i grow up? tas he will make a really good L2 am sure. sana sana.

 

 

 

♥

Raenyberry      

“I guess sometimes the ground can shift between your feet.

Sometimes your footing slips.

You stumble.

And sometimes you grab what's close to you and hold on as tight as you can.”

-the wonder years

pro ana

back in the day when am really really downright depressed i take it out on buying stuff, kahit walang kwenta stuff.... i wonder wut happened now, i take it out on food, someone once told me, you do not do anything but eat....

 

shicks. ka-scarey.... anyhoo...kagwapa niya, anugon ka nag one way trip to lala-land forever naxa....

eating disorder is not a pretty disease. ;(

 

 

the perfectly twisted weekend

Mood:	loved
Music:	real world-matchbox 20

nagtrisikel ako. creepy how the striker smiled. it's like my guards are up lately, after that horror flick last weekend i'm always weirded out by sooo many things, even the antique chairs splayed on the garahe are scaring my wits out....

 

i feel like i did not have enuf sleep during the weekend...when i logged out eds kidnapped me and that had cee and nikki thinking i ummm secretly went out on a date, i became dora the explorer, or i was too tired to wait for them to log out that i went home and sleep.... i went food and alcohol(them, not moi) bingeing with the ppl from OPS support, ang hirap kumain at uminom ng nag-eenglish. hehehe. as useless when it's freeloading andun ako. haha. i had the boss buy me double espresso(see, am hooked!), then while everyone had starters i already am on the main course, when everyone had the full meal, i was polishing my dessert. hehehe.... namemorize ko na food at pepe's that i already know that the starters could not be without gambas, that one should try anything with pesto, and well, their dessert is odd, yung panacotta with banana did weird me out.... then us, minus the boss RLo,all caught, wag kang lilingon....yeah, at first it was like some cheap budget film until we ended up screaming...wut ate me was the thought of having to sleep alone saturday night and am like promise na, by monday iam not gonna do petiks....and what was crazy was the fact that my lunchtime is at 3am, tas i've noone to have lunch with cuz ppl are on calls, tas in the movie, the witching hour would be at 3am. leche. when i got home there was at least 10msgs on my phone. and pinaka-abnormal was....i need medicine....i thought he was seriously needing medicine. i replied. he didn't text back....i spaced out the whole saturday night...when nikki and cee and everyone else had a saturday night story to tell....

 

 

wukits, ilearned something being with the gals from support tho, that i snap out of the insecure mode cuz the world is fair daw, balibaliktarin ko man ang world, God made it like so, but, it is still fair in sooo many odd ways...and that i start finding security within me and not from others....with that said....i guess they made sense....

 

 

yipee, i made it to church, cee came by my place after i got done with laundry, then we took the cab to her iba na ang mayor ng baranggay church, then we had lunch there cuz it's their 12th thanksgiving. imiss my own church, i miss mbc, and the thought of kantata during the holidays and teaching the kids from the outreach program...i miss having to spend friday night fellowship with the young ppl, having long discussions of discipleship with ate sundee, struggling to understand philosopy and our Jesus with shasha,and the long walk home with ian...that's how iloved before, and i could not think i could ever reclaim that girl who took the baby Christian walk....but, am glad cee is around. and ppl like jeremy. constant reminders of having to keep the faith...and am glad there's lechon...haha.

 

then we had coffee at bob's cafe-lacson, while cee was trying to troubleshoot connecting to wifi i asked cris to call,imiss the guy who loves my sister and will marry her. haha. imiss shobe. ;( but the choco-mint berry ice cream from FIC made me happier. wukits, lemme tell you they've this delicatessen carrying everything from cheese, olive oil, mint sauce, even altoids. ang funny. but, walk out ako when my allergen named tim came by...

 

itold vincent sinasapot ako, that he can wake me up when it's about dinner time, hehehe, cee, him et moi had dinner at imay's, we were supposed to go to carlos, but, the wait time there was too long, and they only had steak daw...(plus the fact that mamatay ako sa lungkot if we ate there) so we settled for lutong bahay. the place served decent sinigang na pis, oysters, and stuffed squid-well si vincent lang ang kumain ng marami nun...tas bob's uli cuz si allergen tim would catch up, we had tea(oh chammomile na walang lasa pero paborito parin kse nga walang lasa) while cee was tinkering with her laptop...and am wondering how many times would i PMS in amonth...that i did another version of walk out, this time the more krung krung kinda walk out, buti nalang i did not have to take the cab, vinchent offered to drive me to mcdo and wait for nikki. and cee was in an ahay-achee-sorry mode hehehe, kawawa, she was supposed to crash in my pad, tas i asked her to go home cuz tinotoyo ako muchos. ewan ko ba ba't ako inis na inis kay tim as a person.... then nikki had her as useless mcfloat fix, she amazed vinch cuz she was in her shingles mode cuz she could neither speak ilonggo or tagalog and she could only speak english and chinese and cebuano, and vinch was like may ganun palang tao...sbe ko, oo si nikki....hehehe

 

he then drove us to sorrento, na malungkot, asked him to come back for us, he took us to eastblock and left...so two gals were left with a pitcher of strawberry margaritas, a box of marlboro red, and too many mishaps to share.... ayun, i ended up with this hagulhol OA na crayola mode, and nikki was like raeny, ang swerte nya na kaya, ilang beses ka nang naiyak(-awww bisaya diay), undangi na na....then we walked towards starmart east, had vodka cruiser and mac, tas we decided to just go home, nikki was cee's replacement nalang, she decided to sleep over...we didn't exactly sleep cuz we ended up doing more chikkas that red and cee ended up being there tas we had breaksfast at jollibee... and so i realized it's monday na pala.

 

hay.

 

over the course of my conversation with nikki, she asked, as if you do not have a relationship with God, and choking my tears am like if my relationship with Him is not at all rocky nikki, i would not ever look for another person to fill the void, i would not cling on anyone to tell me am wukits....

 

sighs i have yet to fix it. i will.

 

i even told her that during the year i asked God for a life-altering experience, He gave me piayaland. in so many ways my life was altered that my heart could not contain the blessings;that i see them in a different light when i fact, i should've been grateful cuz i always always had answered prayers. tas i told her next time when i pray i better put up a checklist so that i would be more specific. Ü

 

 

 

fifay and i were exchanging sms last saturday, itold her i had to live up to being greta, she said nooo raen, we better be ruffa. haha. gawd, i miss her. :)

 

and am not ever going to pick up a cigarette and ever touching alcohol. new year's resolution. this early.....

;)

 

 

♥

Raenyberry

"I believe in Christianity

just as I believe that the

sun has risen, not only because 

I see it...but because by it

I see everything else" C.S Lewis

run cmd ping FOCUS

Mood:	crushed
Music:	hang-matchbox20

ahay......how do i quit pining on you?



focus on God not on me...Ü



<3

funny how....

:

curious

someone so beautiful could grow up in that place......

i couldn't really imagine how someone who seemed to have the happiest things going on for her could possibly live there. 



who is she? and why is she keeping me up most of the time?

jaezberaeny

mahal kita mahal kita. mingaw ko nimu masking wla nako ginasulti everyday. ;(

hay. lecheng one year na ang wave53. yipee. ug lecheng 4 months nata wa gakita.

hay.

kung mutext nya ko nimu naa ko cebu laag nya ta. east west nasad. kaon ta dghan. di nata musmoke.para di ta a-an na mga addictus. kay murag pagkita gakuyog  ta mura tag mga addictus. paetch.

di jud ka nahan sko new hair? nganu man? murag chupa chups?

haha.strawberries and cream version?

storya nya ta. wa man ka gabasa sko blog. but, kibaw ko mu-tan-aw kag friendster naku.

hahaha/

hugs.

 

forever angel too

Mood:	cranky
Music:	forever angel-corrs

my am totally lucky to be doing what am doing mode is gone. am supposed to say am grateful cuz i found ppl who cared enuf in this gawdforsakenland. to be a friend, to love when i've the chance. pero, mainit na ulo ko. leche.

i saw how she's described na. she's perfect, i guess. no, not perfect. she's right-too too right. i could not get over the whole thing. 
hay ako ai isang sourgrape.

now i rarely open my windows to look at the stars. i would end up feeling idiotic. i rarely look at my phone cuz i might end up leading somebody on-again that i truly truly cared. siguro, reflex lang jud nako to care and to like stare with fondness and to ask ppl how they are, lalo na those ones who would voluntarily be there for you. how can you not reciprocate diba? all i wanted is this person to share the same Jesus with me. mahirap meet half way if yer SO doesn't know the God that you serve or the God that you think is God. am not making sense. i want SO to have my God. yun. then things would fall into place.

sighs. Lord know my heart. hold it down. no, keep it. it's Yers. take it agen. it  is Yers. You got me. 

i wouldn't openly say i've backslid. it would hurt. <3 i'll find my way back to You, promise. 


hay, iam in the crappiest mood tonight. sooofooootah. lami magbitch fit! surang surangon ko sa shift. paetch.

oh, am the happiest camper today errr after shift....third wheeling naman. not me not cee not ej, ilike it when i go out by threes.... we had breakfast at mcdo. masaya. it's like having friends in cebu, not quite but, ihave friends. haha.

then cee et moi in stilletos, spell check and wedges came by the public market and haggled for a soft broom/ clothes pins/ and plastic hangers. ang babaw ko. pero masaya.

<3

petiks kami today, walang monitors. yay! ;)

the technicians will listen to their own calls. lipay ko, wla ko buhaton. :)

 

 

this will make me sick

shicks i feel like am a stalker!

 

hahaha.

interested in...

simply getting by every day with less delilahs , lladro+murano+dioscuri, weekend lunches at home with my sisters, reclaiming my sundays, sun salutations, pink nike yoga mats, tomatoed papitas fritas, nicky hilton, nichie, watermelon nectar, balmy summer days, resex and free isps, salty waters, face moisturizers, lavender lip salves, pay days, one great lurve, chinese school buses, rainy days, knowing piayaland thru cee, wanting him every day, unlimited sms and 4 hours plus textathon, paid bills, saturday night with my imaginary friend slash sibling, lollipops' toe d 'orsay and all things pinked-tweedy, silicone shine serum, mini izod shirts-regardless of the tag, hala! the lil clam swarovski i asked soy or made him promise to buy when he's richer, and 100 pairs of jimmy choo shoes even though i learned jimmy choo is choo not a guy et all materyosong kabaliwan!

wukits shobe it's a countdown to the sugarcane fields.

i'll wait. lovelovetons.

sighs

oh i miss al

and the charades...

he smsd telling me that the expats were supposed to leave. sad lang everyone left bacolod...

why can't i?

asa man sad ko padung?!!!!

help

raen how would you use dsn on an inquiry?

raenyberryslashignoramus- ha? diko kabalo...panics...calls jerk...

jerk---> QA ka dika kabalo.

and walks away.

milk.

 

kenji sweet like candy

akin ka na lang.

karya. let's eat cake.

karya: am sorry i did not sms. i did not forget yer birthday. you pa.
ilove you. thank you for being there since we were seventeen, when 
problems that tore us where too trivial, and some birthday wishes weren't too
impossible to act on. iloveloveyou. thanks for the countless phone calls,
thanks for the generosity, and a toast to more love, newer places to see, 
interesting people to meet, more tea and poetry with you-somewhere, somehow, someday.

muchos thanks

Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

to those who stuck it through and made my worth known
even when the person who meant the world


makes me feel am worthless. Ü

seeing thru rose coloured glasses

Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed
Music:	shame-matchbox 20

my heart literally jumped. 
hell, it did.
and for the first time in my life
that i did not feel like 
crying. 
dear Lord, funny how you 
give surprises....
funny how You wanted to crack me up.
i can take a little joke. 
but, this time, i'm not sure if i bought it.....


i cannot help but be scared sometimes.....hehehe. rob thomas. help.


it's payday! yipee. ;) 10k for not sleeping 10 nights. it's worth it. ha! mukhang pera lang talaga ako. but, i've bills to pay. bummer.

cee had been discharged. good God thank You. ;) 
tas we bought almost identical watches from Bayo. ;) saya. i got the brown version, she got the white leather. ;)
then vincent took us out for dinner. babyback at Lord Byron's. saya. :) mr. ong...ang saya. 

then we had coffee at Natty's. ayun. it's like being with ppl from gradeschool. with grinning, almost wasted grown-up chinese school boys.

i faced the inevitable. leche. i am so much braver now cguro. parang am not fighting the ghost na. i faced the ghost. it made me puke my heart out. pero i am still stitched together and whole.



iloveloveloveYouLord.

how to mess up a perfect weekend

Mood:	exhausted
Music:	bed of lies-matchbox20

i did not finish my week's quota, so here i am on a monday morning, doing wut i should've done last week, muchos procastination. sighs.

i am happy cuz we are smsing again, not the four hour kind- with talks about our fave person, fave food, fave anything. it's just talk talk na parang how they would put it here, pawala. i even mentioned i missed him, pero siguro it's incredulous to miss someone whom you see everyday. ewan. siguro nga. ;(

ayun sabi ni joe, people would end up natak-an... i guess am a huge candidate for the katalaka kind. 

<3

saturday morning was spent sleeping, i woke up around 9, with several sms unread, cee smsd that we go out, he asked if we were going out too, nanibago nga ako, cuz the past few weeks parang non-entities na nga treatment namin, except when i'd stay in their pods and would deliberately talk to him or his teammates. cee and moi had dinner at mccafe, i had one shot espresso, maka-addict najud...then we came by depot, cuz we were off to see peter-trainer, cuz it's his going home party, ummm we danced(??) then i told vicky and mac we were leaving, i guess i told em we were going home, but, they saw us at MO2, hehehe. tumbling, ang going home... cee left me with vincent to finish the small pitcher of the margarita she bought, then vincent and i had club sandwich at business inn... then vince took me and cee home, i begged cee that we check liquid, nge, too late, jeremy's car wasn't there, i guess; who'd stay til 4am at liquid? hehehe...

sunday, cee came by, we had plans of going to lagoon to jog, or play badminton, or go to church then to TP and i finish my monitors, then she ended up wanting to sleep, i was compelled to change my linens, cuz it's about time that i do, she bought me some lavender tin canned candles and some incense with the ceramic holder, i feel like my place is full of lilac-coloured thingys... we then made rice and tuna, then we ended up zzzzzz, snoozing, then she told me she doesn't feel too well, she ended up puking blood. she was soo wan, it's the first time that i saw her blanche out. i told him cee had this weird wilted veggie look(and manny won-hehehe), he replied get an ambulance. gago.

i smsd jeremy, asked him if we could take cee to ER, yep, pinagER. am like laughing pero am a wreck kaya inside, am like thinking wut if ma finds out how kalat iam here, wut if her mom gets heartbroken with wut i suggested cee to do. wut if i killed many many people in the process.... shicks, am a murderer. ewan, sobrang nahihiya nko kay jeremy. 

the other week am too wasted to think straight kung ano ano na nisms ko skanya, i promised i'd go to church, i did not sms him, and keeps missing church, now, i had to tell him a part of my herstory and now cee's. parang, gawd, when i think about it, mine and cee's problem that we had to overcome is plainly BOREDOM and we're like 23 and 24s who could not think straight and aren't too responsible of our actions. 

we are like two of the luckiest people in the world, we only tend to ourselves. we can be selfish whenever we want it, we aren't compelled to take care of other ppl other than ourselves, tas we would endup not really taking care, good care of ourselves. tanga na siguro kami at kalahati if we do sayad stuff that will take us to the hospital again.

that brings me back to the one conviction that i had before.... the world does not need better condoms, the world doesn' t have to be taught better contraception, if you call yourself a Christian stick with a Christian who won't break yer soul and yer heart... 


i had to talk to her mom, ewan if i should talk to ma about the mess imade this week one of these days.... i did talk to cee's mom. sighs. iwish i did not addup or we did not addup to her daily burden. kakahiya talaga. she even drove me home. hay.

<3

he smsd during the night. parang buti naman, he is not mad at me when i told jeremy to kiss him. haha. kafunny, am really wasted saturday night man din. pero from now on, am not gonna make the booze or alcohol accountable for my buangit texting.

<3 during the stay in ER, there was this stretcher with the label: ER / Morgue, totally distracting, jeremy had to take the fill-out sheet from me and filled it out for Cee, hehehe. then he left...buti nalang vincent came by, sya naging next school bus....

earlier sunday morning itold cee am wondering why am i here, she said, sge lang chee, you're here and yer learning, yessss, i realized that in the process of learning things about other people, i am relearning to get to know who iam.


tama ka: be responsible for your actions raen.


i guess it's about time....




<3
but if there's nothing there to make things change

if it's the same for you
i'll just hang....

well i always say, it would be good to go away,
but if things don't work out like we think
and there's nothing there to ease this ache///

but if there's nothing there to make things change
if it's the same for you
i'll just hang

soft buttery night

i thought i ate too little of the so called real food/ decent healthy good for me stuff lately. but, now that i think of it, ithink i have been eating out of boredom. so here goes the calorie count(after days of yakisoba....and corned flakes) starters: crispy crablet/ onion rings/calamares/ salpicao wit muchos garlic/green mango shakes/ peppered steak served with mashed potatoes/ potato chips/ shoestring onions...hahaha. decent dinner. double espresso pa...all @ 21. ;) ilovelove the place....see, ang saya, even if am broke i get to eat ummm semi-fine dining. courtesy of the client. nagthink twice pko una cuz i myt endup eating dinner tas english mode. may nalang our bosses speak the same language that i do. ;)

wukits. i spent the day pmsing. i ended up crying over the littlest silliest thing. yun pla it's the time of the month.

our site lead claire mentioned she dug up some of my poems. embarrassing talaga. am a bit flushed when she said she read some of them.... to think today i thought i looked wan/pale/sallow and i thought my eyes were toooo small because of too much delilahs. (ilove celine lopez)

 

ilackedsleep.helpme Lord.

 

OGG

Gugma'ng gi Atay ---gahilak ko'g hawa cebu tungod aning kantaha. ahak.paetch.
The Ambassadors

Kung ikaw masayod
Paminawon mo
Kay kung pananglit
Yam-iran mo
Mga panompa'og
Pasalig ko

Ug kung ugali'ng
Kalit ka'ng mobiya
Di ko kapogyan
Mualog ning mga luha
Kay ikaw ako'ng himaya
Handomon ko matag karon ug unya
Ikaw langit og yuta
Ako'ng pinangga


Unya mihabol ang ka-ngit2x
Nga giduyugan sa... ulan
Ug sa kalit lang nahanaw
Ang bidlisyo sa adlaw
Oh kahag sa imong panagway
Nga naulipon sa gugma'ng gi atay
Inday paminawa taos ko'ng gugma
Na kanimo ako'ng igasa
Dili ko man mahatag ang tanang bahandi
'ning kalibotan apan inday
Dungga intawn, ang aalaot nga naulipon
Sa gugma'ng giatay

QA Calibration

czar: wa nako kwarta

raen: ako sad tsi pa lang ako dah dre

czar: may paka

raen: pero murag 400 nalang ako tsi jud

czar: ako kay 200plus....ug wa nako money sa banko

raen: gi-atay, ako pod, nge, kabati sa feeling, am 24 year old and i've no cent to my name.

fin.

on a day like today/

wala akong masabi. natulog rako the whole time. gikuwangan pako.

i've to change my linens na gyuds. btw btw! 

mayo naa ko schoolbus to work this week thanks to mark.IT. tumbling sya sa mga text ko na, alive, asa naman ka schoolbus? alangan if pagwa, musipa ko'g lata padung TP. not a fun thot. hehehe.

i am reading how to make an american quilt....this line struck me....ambot if tama ako pagquote.... they were speaking different dialects of their own language, it's as if they were saying the same words but ascribing the same meaning.

murag aptly said jud ako mafeel here, i speak their language tho, pero murag lahi ako pagkaintindi. or if everyone speaks it, murag ako ra dili makasabot nila maayo.

who'd name their daughter finn?

al is leaving for manille. i wish i had his point of view. to settle in a city like this. until i find me and things pulled together or until i find myself deserving of a city i will settle, masking wa butterflies.

(ilost the latter part of this entry kakaedit)

oh shobe and dich anhi namu, naay gelatto na bungga, mint choco chips. lingaw.

at itago nalang natin sa pangalang jeremy ang nagtetext lately. haha. salamat jer maremind ko na diko manlibak tungod nimu. and if i feel like speaking ill, i will remember Christian ko. i should not hurt ppl.

ayuns.

gakus.

 

big wide grin

i will still smile like a dolt. ;)

oh you make me sooo happy.

eeeeejit.

 

mental notes

Mood:	weird
Music:	Sitting, Waiting, Wishing -jack johnson

merese sa usa na wa na minaw early on sa coaching, karon di na mada ang hurt hurt. meresi jud. dapat jud kibaw najud ka ug active listening.

oh, it's too painful to look at my back, andon ang constellation cassiopiea(spell check). merese sad kay pataka panghaplas. 

<3 saturday, i slept the whole day, did nothing productive, but, cee came by and brought dinner, haha, then we went to bob's coffee shop in lacson, and i discovered that the bata libertad route is soooo 21B in so many ways. then czar smsd, that we start bingeing (they bought tequilla), so we headed back to my place, ayun sa rooftop, moi, cee, nikita, red, czar. parang sorority gals in collge, haa! then off we go to tempo. wukits, again in my OA wasted self, i ended up smsing ppl with OA, grover (grabeng over) OA na mga delilah texts. i even told jeremy am used to getting wut i want. hahaha. kataw-anan. buti nalang when i smsd ppl sunday morning, they told me i did not say anything embarrassing. 

<3 wala ka naman nagsimba?  hehe, kaulaw nako, again i missed church. ;( i found one near my place na. i will be back when i don't feel like dragging my tush to be there. i'll be there when am ready. promise Lord. dghan na answered prayers this year. i mentioned a life altering experience, you gave me piayaland. altered pagmaayo. haha.

<3 sunday, i slept thru the day again, but, am more productive, i started my laundry, tas kita ko'g spider na daku. hay. unsaon pag catch sa spidey, para di xa magmultiply sa house? gaugtas ko dagan dagan after niya. mao toh ni text rajud si jerjer, gablackmail nako sko mga sms na pakauwaw ug maka tumbling. then i spaced out, tingin ko monday na. except naka recall ko that armz smsd that i help him stay awake and that he had two chapters to go before he goes zzzz. hay, kamingaw njud ko nla.

today mas productive: i did groceries, i finished the laundry, i cleaned my shoebox apartment, i folded the clothes, i made me lunch, rice et tuna. namali gyapon pagkaluto. hay. nadouble murdered ang tuna. ummm nakikain ng maling at rice kina czar wit nikki, had 3 or 4 shots of bailey's, had too much, oh not too much cigarettes, basta masaya ang monday. haha.

at ako nalang matitirang tenant ng building by weekend. hay, queen of the castle. literally.  ;(

carla's in PS mla. ano na? kinsa sulti nalingaw ko nanghawa na ta tanan sa davao. pano na mga easy gurls?!!!!


and if 3 years ago i thought her life's perfect, i thought wrong, maybe she was just protected by the walls of ateneo, maybe the real world can or is really hurting her now. and maybe money isn't really everything after all.

at buti nalang, pera lang problema ko. hihi.


augustine, you took my breath away. sagsdi. sana anjan parin ako. tanga ka eh. wala ng missu more. missu lang.
verlaine pag email na.
jaezbereny loveyou ueeejit!

and ronz. because you are my fave cancer charge
because you are sooo holiday
because BDL hartford has been the best trip of my life
because i feel wittier when am with you back in training days
because you will be TL! hahaha. happy birthday. mwuah!

 

photo inset: ronz/ moi-as a poodle/ joe/ banig

 

long day, long weekend

i'm touched because other people will try to make a way to somehow make me feel valued or special even if i am not asking. lalo na those ones that i would not expect anything from.

i've this weird happiness slash jumpiness inside despite the fact that i am looking forward to a weekend of laundry, of pansit canton, of nothing much to do but laze around at home without a tv, but, i've got good books to read tho, tas with noone to talk to unless someone phones in. ayoko ng phone calls. ayoko ng text messages. i want my sisters, my mom, my nephew, my set of gal pals in cebu, the way i had them 4 months ago.

moving here changed me. big time. i talk alot, a whole lot still. i get irked still. i am impatient and patient at some point. i keep quiet, i rant. okits, istill am me. but, i feel like i am not scared anymore, that i can take any city when i want it. or when i have the resources. ha!

it has been a long day, people will loathe me because i am doing my job. it's never personal. it's how i hear it and how i judge the way i see wut is happening. i can be subjective, but i am pro correctness. i've never been too technical with too many things, to think i am laxed when i am monitoring, i try not to find fault and look at the better side of an agent. but, if i could pinpoint what is wrong, i would write people up. it's my  job to write people up. i am not here to make friends.

i am getting the hang of the worksheet and how i monitor calls. it has taken it's toll on me the past few days, but, i still am keeping it together, if di na kaya, ang madaling gawin ai.... xempre magwalk out. dun lang naman ako magaling.

ahandheld.

raenyberry. loveserves parin. todo.

 

panalo toh. e-repost ang puno ng mangga.

I'll stop the world and melt with you
(Let's stop the world)

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)

 

There's nothing you and I won't do
(Let's stop the world)

 

I'll stop the world and melt with you
(Let's stop the world)

 

I'll stop the world and melt with you...

 

life's beautiful

the bartin family.
sighs.

look wut i found!

graduation luau

saturday, teleperformance bacolod
november 4, 2006

over the weekend

sunday's cake
saturday's salon

no more cry

i wanted to know wut i did today, a year from now, so am not gonna do away wit recounting and retracing my steps during the week and during the day....haha. sue me.

last night was sobrang petiks talaga, supposed launch of the project but, logins wouldn't work, softwares were screwed, the manual phone is just tooooo archaic. but, seeing the whole floor was just a beautiful sight to behold. parang i feel incredibley lucky to be part of something that is just starting to become something. am i making sense?  career path: site lead, davao site. hahaha. hear me Lord. <3

(come to think of it, i outgrew davao, parang moving to cebu and here changed me, i will never be the clean, empty slate that i am back there....)

haha, again happy mode is on. tingin ko kakasama ko kay cee naimpluwenxahan akong kumain ng rice. i am becoming a rice person. i mean, i ended up looking for rice na. ma-OA. haha.

after shift we went to mcdo lacson, there i saw my fave ppl. *eyes rolling plus major sarcasm*

then i slept til 3pm, imagine. cee, then smsd, we had dinner at bob's gaisano. then slept again.  i was wondering why i kept ordering the sate everything. eh ang odd naman talaga ng lasa. haha.

 

i've never been in such a happier disposition til today. sleep na sakto lang plus the fact that i already have been clued in with wut am gonna do in the next few months made me feel secure unti, plus my sisterrrrs will be here. yay!

today at mcdo, grabeh ka prettty sa crowd, it's like a senior citizens' day. tas i saw 3 sisters eating, and am like haha, in a few weeks my siblings would be here. it would be a blast. ayuns.

dichee is starting wit PS today. make me proud chick. mwagh.

 

the best tita in the world, cayeel

kay sya gapalit ug crib ug stuff ug inutil ang tita sa piayaland. ug sya sge pictorial with ken. hahaha.

easy lika sunday morning

i made tuna pasta, and cee and niks were compelled to eat it for lunch. bwahaha. sge ragud. nipalit btw kog coke. hahaha. then we had cake at calea. booh. ilovelove my gals. and love love calea and sugar rush. ilove sundays. Ü

monday: dinner wit cee at manokan, i think, malay ko ba kung saan yon. then got coffee at the bigger bob's cafe. i think na naman.

oversleeping galores... did i tell you guys i got locked out for 20 minutes outside my apartment. grrr.

 

hugs cebu.

 

kenji nathaniel baktin. hahaha.

lovelove

+639203239102

thank you for shamelessly promoting my lj.

and if you think fighting dirty will get you some place, you lose...

GodBless you.

 

jang P4 na ang processor ngayun

oh sweetie you crack me up....

jang: raen nagmodel ka before mcdo?

 

runaway with my heart

 

Mood:	content
Music:	i love you more today than yesterday

finally, we graduated last night...november 4, 2006, after 3 months of intensive(care) training. the photo slideshow of people who came in and out of the wave gave me shiverrrrs.... saturday night was supposed to be a pool party, but, the rain ruined the luau/poolside thingy we were having, they moved the tables inside and we had dinner in the lounge instead. but, it was fun.... the morning class 6-2 sang, wouldn't it be nice. Christian that was great...and thank you for asking how am i. Jeremy, was on the drums. ayuns. Nikki looked pretty last nyt. well, she is usually pretty lalo na when we are going out. ;) wukits, the 2-10 class presented as well, this is cee's class... i am not sure wut wuz the song's title, but, it's deooo mee deoo i think that's how i heard it. then Javin did this yoga stunt. haha. and some of the guys sang a line or two. then my class, (i joined along with imports from other class) sang turn around....hahah, the walang kamatayang turn around. boo...di pla turn around yun...total eclipse of the heart yun. dinner was decent talaga. i sat wit cee, nikki, toria, billy, teacher slash dalai lama al, and mac. then the iloveyou more today than yesterday, ayala sureseats played. i almost wept. gawk...imiss the love mall slash cebu.....wukits, am glad czar's wukits na. am starting to get depressed wit the situation, plus the fact that some b*tch or b*stard wuz trying to promote my lj account. wow. 

best sms i got last night:
i am starting to hate her werewolf na rin raen. take care. 

haha.

<3

kilig thingy: claire, the site lead had her speech, then i extended my hand, then she gave it a squeeze. oh yes, when i grow older i wish i'd know leadership like how she knows it too well. 

after, the certificates were given it sunk into me that we are gonna start ops monday. training had been cumbersome but, it sure was a learning experience for most of us kids. and xempre it taught me to become more patient and impatient with ppl. awwww, cut the mush raen. you can't wait for ops. yer wicked. ;)

<3

then i went out with cee. because iloveyou, i won't say no. mo2, then hooshi, then some ewan, san yun where it smelled funky.... but, i can tell i cannot force myself to have fun when am tired, i went home, and dang...my knob was busted. i could not get inside my place. 20 minutes, i tried unlocking the door, and then uttered a Lord ipa-open sesame mo na toh please. and it opened. haha. ;)

funniest reply i got last nyt: 
raen: nyt .... 
xa: k

natawa ako. 

saturday morning, eric showed libertad to moi. it's not as scarey as i thought it wuz, but, it smelled funny, to think, as we were walking around, i was eating bichu-bichu. spell gross. tas pansin ko si eric namimihasa na, ginagawang malaking lavatory bahay ko. jawk. i appreciate the fact that you listen and you confuse me eric. haha.
hapon, out with cee, robinson's...she got me two pillows. yay. ;) and then we had facial. hahaha. my nose feels out of proportion today cuz of the poking. (ano daw?)
mother banig, am sorry i did not get to see you yesterday, it's a roller coaster.



and today, i think i will miss church na naman. haaaay.
help.

runaway with my heart
runaway with my hope
runaway with my love.

x0x0

gia-atay. namimiss ko na kayo.

photo one- ian mot dave mark toping---- mingaw nku ninyo
two-my sisterrrrrs, shobe it's a bitch to know that the canary top looks great you...dichee, the holidays will be different this tym, ilove this pic wit you...best holidays spent talga ang 05
three- joey and fifay. glam united damak amplified.

p.l.a.k.

payday at pera lang ang katapat....

but, my heart woes because i am paying the rent,rent can be indeed taxing....then the groceries...then i remade the windows cuz i got the black cartolinas already.... piayaland seemed empty. plus wut's scaring me now is the fact that ops launch would be next week. i don't know how long will i be able to tolerate the ppl here. mejo, lahi jud sila ug kinaiya...or is it moi? eiwan.

ilovelovelove bryan boy. bwaha.

cee came by, we had jajollibee jujoin lunch cuz pay was credited late. sad ako cuz it's the first pay day that we did not get to have dinner together. ;(

i talked to my therapist today. let go. live. and have fun. and for now, it's always supposed to be the thick film called selfishness that should come first. no sharing of ragdolls din. and well, some ppl are meant to be the waste of the earth.

 

ang lungkot talaga. malungkot kse wala na naman akong pera. boohoo.

iam beginning to get sick of my liking for lavender. my house smells ummmm grassy. plus eric greenpeace came by to do the number okits, i should stop...haha. but, anyhoo, we bought bichu bichu sa mercado then walked around the block for cheap kainan. saya.

 

haaaay, i now feel for her. ;(

ewan i wanted to go home too.

at my fave sms so far....

into nya ko ara sya sa beach,

gle electric fan lang. haha. Ü

sighs. paramdam. alive.

 

 

petix na naman.

i just realised today that i should've bought black cartolina to block the sunlight coming in my room because the curtains that i made doesn't really serve their purpose. grrrr.... l wukits, him jerk smsd that the taong grasa version one might just climb up to my room thru the broken windows, and to think lawrence and i tried to figure out whether someone could really break into my apartment thru the windows... l sue me if i recount my day to day mishaps, cannot help it.... cee smsd that we go out for lunch l today we had lunch at cattlefarm ranch, the place is not a fave, one i don't like the interiors tas two super ka rubbery sa tangigue, yun lang l cee is on a woebegone mood today, i wonder if i helped cheer her up, eh sobrang wala ako sa sarili this weekl and i've had this incredible tummy ache since last night, on the way home sa cab palang i broke into real cold sweat l then i did the laundry, if some years ago stress relief for me was planting cactus and repotting them, now it's laundry, bwaha! l then i made bolognese for dinner, waaaah... hindi parin ako marunong magluto, please. l androgynous- i wouldn't want ppl to think i could pass for one, kascarey. haha. l oh yeah someone told me i liked an agent na naman daw. parang hellomoto, i'm liking everybody who i think are my friends, ma OA na. come to think of it, if mahal nila work nila they shouldn't be crossing me. the pen is a mighty sword. boohoo. maling gamit ng idiom. if only i weren't too kabus, i would not make mantinir here. pero iam, it's work and subsistence, but, if i were greta i'd take a sabbatical and go to borabora,french polynesia and not mingle with the commoners. dang! l and powta, ang mahal ng avent, ang sterilizer would cost 7k l i learned that a part of the negros province are cebuano-tongued, tas most part aren't, and there's no negros city, hehehe, and well victorias is a beautiful place to be in. boohoo. ;) l i just remembered that in college there's this docu about sugarcane plantation tas some kids would lose their limbs while working. tas i did mycrayola-over OAemote for like days because of the docu. now, i remembered negros na. l and i actually know the last name of dave, hahaha, talk about stalking big time. l and dave, dave from addu dave did send a friendster reply saying he's alive...and talk about major kilig.  Ü bwahaha. [missy, after 3 years of pining for him in addu, wagi ako, we went out..... misent: hehehe...raen, may work ka? ------>kanino na send? xempre sa pinag-uusapan...minsan utak poodle ako!]

oh one kakatuwa thing today....i talked to some gals from the supposed dispatch queue, they were like being protective of me tas they loathed one TL cuz the TL gave me an IR. kahilarious. and someone mentioned i gained tho. ;( huhu.


cee, the song's for you. haha. hugs. wuvyah.

 

and all we did today is petiks. and calibration, which was helpful. ;)

 

Tuloy Pa Rin

 

Sa wari ko'y
Lumipas na ang kadiliman ng araw
Dahan-dahan pang gumigising
At ngayo'y babawi na

Muntik na
Nasanay ako sa 'king pag-iisa
Kaya nang iwanan ang
Bakas ng kahapon ko

CHORUS:
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

Kung minsan ay hinahanap
Pang alaala ng iyong halik (alaala ng 'yong halik)
Inaamin ko na kay tagal pa
Bago malilimutan ito

Kay hirap nang maulit muli
Ang naiwan nating pag-ibig (alam ko na 'yan)
Tanggap na at natututo pang
Harapin ang katotohanang ito

CHORUS:
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

Muntik na
Nasanay ako sa 'king pag-iisa
Kaya nang iwanan
Ang bakas ng kahapon ko

CHORUS:
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko (tuloy pa rin)
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo (hugis ng mundo mo)
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo (hamunin)
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin (tuloy pa rin)
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko (tuloy pa rin)
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo (oh..hoh..)
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo (handang harapin ang mundo)
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

dear tl lance

diba bawal ako magisip. or diba bawal pag pinag-iisip nla ako?

nagnonose bleed diba ako sabi mo? ayan na. nose bleed nako sa printers pa lang ha.

 

amishu.

yer fave agent na nagresign. bwahahaha.

raeny

 

i cannot fax.the city of angels. lonely as i am together we cry.

Current mood:	contemplative
Current music:	california here we come

 

wukits, we did goth today, but, the agents did better than us. ang saya ng stuff that they came up wit, but, not everyone came in costume.

 

i guess am getting better at sleeping. haha. cee, smsd that we go to gaisano city, but, i read it like really late na. then ended up sleeping again. ;( impossible na toh.

 

at blocked na ang lahat ng proxy, disabled narin ang tools link. malaleche. huhuhu. i can be found at marchraenmaker.livejournal.com.... dun na naman. lonely nga lang. huhu.

 

 

1 Chronicles 4:9-10

9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez,  saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." 10 Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.

good thing that you asked. now, i remembered. ;)

 

kermit smsd. so did wari. haha, dear Lord, you have a funny way of making ppl remember me. today pa of all days. haha. the guys from etel are doing okits, tiney's on hr, wow. pogi ila temporary HR, then moy's doing okits with matrix he mentioned some best practices on the floor. ewan. everything is above my head and i am under the weather. ;( dichee signed the JO for PS. yey! gawd, amiss my sisters.... ;( shobe, well i haven't heard anything from her today.

<3

years back, there's this reality show about yuppies on mtv from allover asia. i just remembered one gal from hong kong who is getting thru life in a shoebox apartment tas the only real connection nya to the outside world is the mobile phone, and then she eats wanton noodles tas she cries muchos and i thought she is pathetic. now, i feel like am in her shoes. potcha.

okits, now am worried. i hope jeremy's okay. ;( hay Lord. be there before we break.

 

am trying to figure out the recorded call, but, then again, with the noise in the background, all that i can gather is the tech making a really long hold. grrrr.

notes on living alone:  a rice cooker would work wonders. pang heat ng water l make soup l cook yer rice l you can make noodles or canton l boil eggs l do stuff except toast bread.

tas when yer flush breaks, ummm yer in trouble, then you'd think, payback sa sins ko this week.

tas the window locks break din, oh well, magnanakaw alert!     

according to joe's tarot card reading, w/c i wouldn't really take seriously, i'd end up with a messed up week. sighs. it's such a sweet, sweet november. lemme soak in the starrrrs.*****

oh wari, hehe, have a good 25th year. do a good turn daily. as if you'll endup reading this. thank you for turning 24 wit me. am sorry it happened badleee. everyone needs someone. know that. ;) am sorry i gave up cebu too soon. yaaaay. ;( dili sultion kay anogon if you didn't mean it. tama ka, i guess.

love,

raenyberry

"When you're down to nothing, God is up to something."

Cyrano:
“—You have never heard til now
My own heart speaking!”

 “Cyrano de Bergerac,”
by Edmond Rostand.

...I would stare at the grains of light suspended in that silent space, struggling to see into my own heart. What did I want? And what did others want from me? But I could never find the answers. Sometimes I would reach out and try to grasp the grains of light, but my fingers touched nothing.


(Haruki Murakami - Norwegian Wood)