the world turns madly on..

ang laysho mo, flip flop! kalay kaayo na tsinelas. by tory ginaya ng mendrez ang logo nya burch. ü

soul set free

"There were days when she was very happy without knowing why. She was happy to be alive and breathing, when her whole being seemed to be one with the sunlight, the color, the odors, the luxuriant warmth of some perfect Southern day. She liked then to wander alone into strange and unfamiliar places. She discovered many a sunny, sleepy corner, fashioned to dream in. And she found it good to dream and to be alone and unmolested.

There were days when she was unhappy, she did not know why, -- when it did not seem worth while to be glad or sorry, to be alive or dead; when life appeared to her like a grotesque pandemonium and humanity like worms struggling blindly toward inevitable annihilation. She could not work on such a day, nor weave fancies to stir her pulses and warm her blood. "

Kate Chopin

--

i'm behind 2 hours of desk work i suppose, but it's my first day at work. and am kinda officially out of the travel account, not that noone liked me there, i just made an utter display of dislike to Caesar, so my tush is stuck in the dungeon slash quarantine doing audits. ü am happy.

friends are adding me in facebook. it's unupdated, i don't know how to work it, and it's blocked at work. sow-ri. :)

footah meshadow, i threw up what i had for dinner. i hate pmsing. the past couplah days i've been either working too hard on house chores or obsessing about making the apartment look better and livable once my whole family moves in with me- that includes the middle sister and the youngest sister. ü and added to that pms list is my awful crying and wallowing spree whilst am reading real simple magazines or finishing a book.

backtrack:

saturday: slept all day. what else can i do? work week takes its toll on me on saturdays, and bcd party is kinda old.

sunday: church, i love church. i liked the speakers from his life, last sunday, i was almost tempted to join the small group- but, some things keep me from joining, my heart, my commitment, some grown-up mess you cannot straighten. i don't really know when can i sign up and stand for something about my faith..

i loved what angelo's uncle said during a prayer- may all of you find security in a future that seems uncertain, and may you enjoy Jesus, and starting today may you be a blessing to those whom you meet. i kinda needed those. i've been angry and i still wanna poke eyeballs. but..

naa days when you have very little money & you itch to spend sah? gahd, i loathe those days!
i got me aqua soft faux leather slippers from mendrez- they were very cheap!
got kenji a copy of doctor suess' book
got me a copy of the glass castle- a book about a writer in new york, a memoir actually, and i loved how though, it seems blasphemous for her dad to say Jesus H. Christ made me laugh.

saw big stan with nazel et czar. rob schneider is so pinoy, he included his mom on a cameo role!
dinner at the new place in bredco with them too. we shared grilled tangigue with lemon sauce, green mangoes with bago-ong, and tinola na shrimp. ü

monday: laundry day, i also got my walk in closet fixed, and now it has a flourescent bulb in it! whatta bright idea! haha. i kinda kept smsing dich that if i got killed the carpenter did it. haha. leche.
dich told me shobe will live with us too. and that i should be careful with what i'm wishing for. haha. kiddies and the sisters. a blast. a riot, i am sure.
someone got me jollibee. :) but, not cheeseburger. :(
i finished the book i bought too. i cried and laughed in between. i wish i'd make a fine mum one day. or if not, i can skip being a mom, i just want a house with a picket fence. ü

today, i cooked chicken. hot crispy ones. and hotdogs. :) food brings warmth gyud ai. and they make me happy. but, i still want to be an anorexic twig. it's been a week. my tummy still looked like a crystal ball.

i've been learning tons about His blessings lately. walang technical difficulties actually, sometimes i'm just scared being alone at the apartment, or walking on a dim-lighted street going to work, or scared of being bitten by a rabied street dog, and yet, they say, the fear of the Lord brings wisdom. so i know how to carry a stone to throw to a gago kinda dog, i know that i can just turn on the lights when i had a bad dream and is scared, i know that i needed to buy a flash light to carry to work, or a pepper spray maybe, and i know He is there. i kinda finally learned wut it meant to be a sheep to a Shepherd. ü God works.

--
and i wanted these. :)

and i don't want anything argyle these days, bench is doing an overkill. masking cute,leche.

out of the wasteland

stuff from goodwill and korea in talisay tahday.
photos from anime. :)

those lil guideposts

my females hormones are acting up lately. i was nauseated the whole day and lost my security blanket- my medium sized bottle of white flower. :)

but today's not so bad, we got to get thrifted clothes from talisay's depot- hahaha. goodwill hunting galores. czar/anime/some trainers/nazel. :)

McDonald's no longer as inviting as i thought fast food were. gimme two days, i will retract this statement. and well, i ate muffins with the training team for breakfast at mcdo today. nyoks.

altho i honestly wanted to starve myself cuz people always mistake me as pregnant- case in point- the ukay guy tells me, "miga bagay na sa imo kay buntis ka." haha, makatumbling- i then am compelled to really stop bingeing on anything that's made out of 2-4 legs. and yet, i consumed 2 crabs from anime's house(with nazel agawing my share:), a pandesal smeared with veggie spread, one plate of beef spaghetti at home, and even bought ice scramble.

tempted to buy durian today, but decided not to cuz i have to take mass transit yatap mga kuyog nkog dyip eh.

today's been fun. i thought i had at least 6-7 hours of sleep.

Dear God, i'd fancy it if you killed other people who pisses me off. or if you want i can poke some gals' eyes cuz kabwisit sila. panget sila.

"People grow through experience, if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." - Eleanor Roosevelt

that means nazel can be mayora and czar congresswoman, i'll be vice president na diay. :)

man, i really miss my sisters. :( they could've awayed the pangets in the world.

pip

“Out of my thoughts! You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even since then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since – on the river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made, are not more real, or more impossible to be displaced by your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in this separation I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold you to that always, for you must have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you!”

In what ecstasy of unhappiness I got these broken words out of myself, I don’t know. The rhapsody welled up within me, like blood from an inward would, and gushed out. I held her hand to my lips some lingering moments, and so I left her.

great expectations. ♥

The Original Fairy Name Generator

http://www.emmadavies.net/fairy/default.aspx?firstname=&lastname=&submit=Find+My+Fairy+Name
i'm fire goblindancer. again from czar. ♥

Picnik - edit photos the easy way, online in your browser

http://www.picnik.com/
from czar. eyelove.

all this happiness

http://allthishappiness.blogspot.com/
she looked like zooey deschanel.

the thorn birds

There is a legend about a bird which sings just once
in its life, more sweetly than any other creature on the
face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest
it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it
has found one. Then, singing among the savage
branches, it impales itself upon the longest, sharpest
spine. And, dying, it rises above its own agony to out-
carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative
song, existence the price. But the whole world stills
to listen, and God in His heaven smiles. For the
best is only bought at the cost of great pain... Or so
says the legend.

-The Thorn Brids by Colleen McCullough

huwebes/thursday galores

today

Piece of Cake!

http://piece-o-cake.blogspot.com/
last. :)
i needed dsl najud siguro ai. :)

guapita na europiana. or pataka nasad ko.

0917

okay, some nincompoop actually threw my mobile phone away so i am changing numbers.

i will use 0917-438-2296 forever. ♥

go pre-paid!

wanderlust; tickling toes.

“Experience, travel - these are as education in themselves” -Euripides.

okay i miss greek lit and high school and being intelligent. haha.

and so i might be wrong but, i remembered a Euripedes quote that goes like "pray for things to happen as they should and not as how you think they should and you will go on well.."

that's 10 years after high school ♥

i kinda have 3 agenda(plus 1/2 of an agendum for tomorrow- w/c i possibly will take a raincheck on cuz i haven't slept during the afternoon today- gals are goin' to talisay and i realized i should stop the ukay spree cuz i want real clothes from a structured box called a mall and it'll be the best solace to a bruised soul..)

a. october 14ish or something something- Shangrila, Mactan with fifay et miws, I wanna go back there and this time am sure even a sun bathe for the afternoon and a foodless fete is fine with me. i just want girl friend time.

b. october 20ish- 3 night stay in cebu with bacolod gal pals and well, sly is a gal pal nalng din cuz he'll catchup with GG. haha. i honestly wanted to go cuz i haven't gone clubbing during each visit home cuz i am plain and old. so with the bacolod gang, it's possible to go cebu dancing with the ilonggos. :)

and maybe i'll see jacel there too. :0

a plus b- impossible cuz i have bills to pay. watevs.(hi lindee!:) loser kow.

c. november 20ish- karya's invite to davao- i just wanna go even if hell freezes over. it's gonna be a go, unless she tells me she can't afford tickets. but, kikay you hafta afford tickets, how can i make it to le france 2010 if you can't buy me tickets? :)

plan c- possibleh. it's just gonna be a weekend. and i haven't been in davao for a long time. so go etoh!

---
wow philippines jud unta ko if i had dough. :)lol.

i honestly disliked traveling because i have motion sickness. i have a partial dislike of terminals because they are a sad place. but, what makes laag the best thing is that you can learn a certain culture of that city or town and their people, their humor and some bits and pieces of them when you bury your toes in their sand. and of course cebu is the best destination now cuz of my sisters and gal pals and the kiddies. ♥

i honestly wanna go back to america one day- just for shopping. haha. ang shallow. and i will go back. but, i wish i can skip the 14 hour plane ride.

--

oh well, today nazel and i were at lumers, she got booze, i got water, and we shared two bags of chicharon and sili-ed suka. and talked about marrying wealthy or marrying a foreigner and getting houses or lots thru pag-ibig. kafaet sa mamomogon lifestyle. check!

czar mark and sly followed suit.

--
i plan to become an anorexic twig. i thunk doni et sly were aghast to see my bulging tummy. i tell people i might need to be dewormed.(oh gahd, don't get me thinking about these things.) and so, i will be on the camote diet too mareng kat and will do the coffee-trick me, i am satiated. and well, i made a mean fresh tomato salsa today. and finished a whole bag of doritos. bull. so much for dieting.

--
God is really kewl. i just want him to kill a few people though.



you go blaire. haha. too old gale. :)

this from: lj community.

love,
raeyna.

akitch again

from anime. :)
09.12.08

"So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."
The Perks of being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Street Fashion & Trends | Trendycrew

http://trendycrew.com/

lovely city this city

sept21-23,2008

saturday- coffee at starbucks/window shopping with kiss and kathra
sunday's lunch at ding qua qua with family

lovely city this city.

above photos:
kairi cate- new borne
fifay et moi- ding qua qua sunday lunch

--
friday: training team had yellow cab for lunch & we went thru our teach back.

i lost my blackberry and all the contacts saved in the phone mem'ry, also had one of the glass windows in my room broken, and lastly, i sustained a minor head injury, and there are bruises all over. I HOPE ALL OF YOU ARE HAPPY NOW.

saturday: cebu, finally! did not bother getting a roundtrip ticket cuz it's expensive, shobe and tmac picked me up from the terminal. i met kairi :)

sunday: missed church, had coffee at starbucks with kiss and kathra, kiss helped me choose a pair of gladiators from juan, altho, if i had the money, i would've gotten the black one from nine west- the pair kathra & i checked later. dinner with kathra and her korean students at red ribbon. i also scored a sweater from ucb- on discount. :) thanks for seeing me girls.

monday: gossip girl marathon and baby sitting
tuesday: gossip gil marathon again and realized am too old to be watching an almost copy of sweet valley high-nyc version. haha. tuwad. :)
wednesday: home and wanting to be an anorexic twig.

i am awfully blessed. although they say the Christian life is a life of  trials et al, i say, it's a life filled with good things and love and happiness. :)

♥
Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others.
-St. Augustine of Hippo

my cebu

photos of the kiddies..
kairi-from tmac's phone/shobe's friendster account
and my godson nicco with mommy fifay
--
more uploads to follow.



"The problem is, after a week of intense googling, we’ve started to burn out on knowing the answer to everything. God must feel that way all the time. I think people in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for the sensation of feeling clueless."
-"Jpod" by Douglas Coupland

The Sartorialist

http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/
classic street fashion photography. i say classic kay sushal sha. :)

Fashion Toast

http://www.fashiontoast.com/
murag pinay iang nawng. those ones who are all filipino pero they grew up in the states kinda fez..

Discuss Celebrity Style and Fashion at WhoWhatWear.com

http://www.whowhatwear.com/website/home.php
kaartehan again.

Sea of Shoes

http://seaofshoes.typepad.com/
jane oh jane!

my daily style

http://mydailystyle.blogspot.com/
kaartehan! check! her blog's in spanish. but pictures and her sense of style are both culture fair. i wish i lived in manille to dress like her. she has belly probs too. haha.

holy damn.

2nd day of the trainer's workshop. am always spaced out. i happily welcome new learnings but, my mind is a mottled sponge.

i don't like role plays. i feel like doing an indie movie and not getting paid. dapat if i were to act, it should be big time. with moolah and all that jazz

i don't like teej at times. he feels like he owned accenture. i kinda wanted to tell him he is an ass. ü

cannot wait for the weekend. i cannot wait to get a new job. i wish i'd have a new job. i wish someone would just hire me to be their private shopper or stylist. haha. i wanted to learn how to sew para bonggacious nako next time. :)

today, i went to work in flats although i wanted to take inspiration from jane of seaofshoes.com who wears real heels, i had to be pitter patter gal under a grey umbrella because it rained and manong trisikel's contract with me has been revoked by me, so i had to walk. in flats. and i am not making sense.
i wanna shop and give away all of the stuff that fit me ill. i just want a new job that can afford me. ü

the date with gelo was cancelled. sometimes we are stubborn with our ideals and we end up arguing and losing. good thing we're both mature kahet pano. haha.

i killed 2 mice. grey furry ones. shit sila. they infested my closet. the huge one where i place all my purses. and i don't want to be anywhere near that closet. am gonna speak with the land lady today gyuds and have them work on that hole that the mice made. argh.

"Put out your hand,
isn't there
an ashtray, suddenly, there? beside
the bed? And someone you love enters the room
and says wouldn't
you like the eggs a little
different today?
And when they arrive they are
just plain scrambled eggs and the warm weather
is holding."
Excerpt from Frank O'Hara's "For Grace, After a Party"

shutterbabe

i've a major shift change and maybe an upcoming major job description change. am happy with the latter cuz i might be moved to curriculum development for the mean time. that means i won't have to stand up and do side by side coaching slash monitoring that means my poor knees will be saved from having to kneel down when i coach cuz it's a "have to" when we coach, and i can wear pumps to work because i might be sitting all day and i will be spared from varicose veins from standing up all night assisting new agents on the floor. i am happy!



my life is as exciting as moaning myrtle the ghost, yesterday, i was so bored i wind up organizing my closet, making beef pasta with mushrooms for me and gelo, and torn between wanting to do the laundry or sleeping. i let go of laundry. what gets me when arranging my clothes are the fact that some of the whites have yellow stains when i haven't used them even and i have to wash them again. soooo makasapowt.
i took photos from yesterday too. not really good ones but, i thought my clothesline looked bubble gummy-ish from all the pinks hanging on it. ü


i have trainer's workshop running til friday. i'm not really sure wut to feel about our facilitator but, i thunk am getting really valuable info from the workshop kahet nakakapressure.



am gonna be on a pizza date with angelo today.ü we're not really seeing each other regularly but, we are working on things. it's good that he has photography and iver. and hopefully that makes him realize that he is 21 and should come to terms with his own self without having me in tow. i miss him alot these days. and some things are awkwardly different already. but, who cares. we're starting on a clean slate i guess.



love keeps no records of wrongs. ayan.



gelo suggested that i go home friday. if there's a flight home friday then i can do that. i guess. but, i don't want to be harrassed. so i might opt for saturday. can't wait.






the unggoy looks like gelo- a shutterbabe. :)



today: i left home without my contacts or my glasses on, the whole ordeal is crazy cuz everything is a blur. anyway, i wanted to stress how lucky i am cuz i left the right lens barely soaked in the solution, and it didn't even dry up. lakiemeh maxado. ü


‘I always feel as if I’m struggling to become someone else. As if I’m trying to find a new place, grab hold of a new life, a new personality. I suppose it’s part of growing up, yet it’s also an attempt to re-invent myself. By becoming a different me, I could free myself from everything. I seriously believed I could escape myself – as long as I made the effort. But I always hit a dead end. No matter where I go I still end up me. What’s missing never changes. The scenery may change but I’m still the same old incomplete person. The same missing elements torture me with a hunger I can never satisfy. I think that lack itself is as close as I’ll ever come to defining myself.’


Haruko Murakami


FYI- IF I DON'T REPLY I DON'T HAVE LOAD. ü



happy 2nd birthday KENJI LOVE! MUAH!

raeyna

thanks for sharing the chica photo-altering site sars. muah.
walang magawa at nalolongkot.

oh my mallows.

friday's photo from anime.

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. "
Anais Nin

♥

asdf

Date:     01/27/2008 12:37 pm
Subject:Re: asd
Message:     
hahahaha. wala ah. wala ko gana magwa na.
mike wrote:
go clubbing go clubbing ka da ky duklon tka.. nugay da inom ha.. duklon ta gd ka babe.. lapit ka na bala mpuli d..

Fashion news, indie designers and fashion trends in New York City: Refinery 29

http://www.refinery29.com/
i wanna go to nyc gyud.
kaartehan and kashushalan. all here. :)

we can work it out.

i kinda have some brown to go bags brought from church with czar and gracey yesterday.
it's about winning. and how none of us wanna lose because God placed a seed of winning in our tummy to win in Him. :) iliked what the speaker shared. and likewise how we can discern if we are truly making the right decision.. we have to ask ourselves whether that decision will hurt Him or our relationship with Him- which pretty much boils down to the FEAR OF THE LORD.

bottomline: only the world says we can lose, God however says we are destined to win. :)

♥

mendrez is on sale. although i swore off buying stuff from that store(hehe. exag:) i checked whether they have good comfy slip ons and flats. mayrown nga, but, i thought i don't really need new stuff lately cuz galibog nasad ko how will i wear all of my footwear and where will i wear them sad..

but, i saw a t-strapped bronze slipper, aqua slipper that's soft, a white version in size 9, and a heart quilted black flats. lami. pero naka sleep man ko so am not gonna go back to the mall and buy any. :)

♥
czar and i had dinner at time out with markIT and friends. we bought cocktails. white russian and tequila sunset. then we went to this new place in bredco overlooking the sea or the pantalan to be more exact. :) it's pretty.

saturday, i attended the grad of wave 22 dami food. :) food makes me happy gyud ai. :) i kinda feel guilty not being able to help them cuz i still am quarantined inside jerber's office. :( aiwan oi. so for the mean time i am curriculum developing. hahaha.

then after shift went boozing with czar et nazel at lumer's.. and slept whole day..

--

in two days it'll be kenji's second birthday. wala gyapon sha new tricks. save uh-oh! and making pacute face(think wrinkling his nose and pacute smile:) when he wants food. :)
today his mom smsd that he danced the happy feet dance and went straight to the wall. nawa na ang happy feet after cuz crayola galores na.

see you lovelove!


and gelo on the other hand is comparable to shobe. maka ugtas but, you wind up being drawn to him cuz you'd always want to give him a hug.

today he smsd love2x ta gyd ka.
bleh. :) ang magreact law-ay.

tonight:
i got a printed spaghetti strapped top from arbie, and it's love. :)
i heart you arbie!

i also made spicy veggie chopsuey and wilted all the veggies. haha. but, i now know how to make chop suey.

--
I wish you were a dragonfly, or something as small and elegant as a dragonfly, so that I could carry you eternally near my heart.

J.S. Bernstein

tahnight.

unsolicited advice can be equated to bad news. oh well, just when i thought that everyone seemed to be a rotten lot, there are people who don't judge but would listen.

thanks for listening and the taco jay ambok.
thanks for talking to me eds and not pushing your own thoughts.

weekend na tomorrow. this city is blah nasad. i will stop talking about certain people. it's so yofaks na.

my sisters had been the most nonjudgmental support system i've had lately. they've been calling me the past two days to ask how i was. i even heard kairi cry in the tiniest most inta/arte way. ü

can't wait to see her.

i have this odd yearning for home. i keep dreaming of stuff that revolves around home safety and the family i grew up with(and which happened to be semi-dysfunctional now) and at times i wake up catching my breath asking what happened to us. nonetheless, early next year me and my siblings would finally be in one city.

 
oh well if i had the money next time, i want a fitted cardigan. and i want a preppy outfit. like those from the Hampton.


I woke up one morning and found I could no longer add together two and two. Something had given way, the ice had shattered. Things crowded in, the mere things themselves. One drop of water plus one drop of water will not make two drops, but one. Two oranges and two apples do not make four of some new synthesis, but remain stubbornly themselves. Oh, I don't say I had not thought of all this before, only that now I could not think of anything else. About numbers I had known everything, and understood nothing.
----> mefisto, john banville

edits: i just wish some people would stop talking about how terrible fates had been and how much hurt has been caused, cuz really, if you loved a person you don't necessarily talk about that person's shortcomings to others blatantly. and you don't use other people's judgments against that person.

yawets nasad. kayofaks.

i meant it when i said huh?

East of Eden by John Steinbeck
"When a child first catches adults out-- when it first walks into his grave little head that adults do not have divine intelligence, that their judgments are not always wise, their thinking true, their sentences just-- his world falls into panic desolation. The gods are fallen and all safety gone. And there is one sure thing about the fall of the gods: they do not fall a little, they crash and shatter or sink deeply into the green muck. It is a tedious job to build them up again; they never quite shine. And the child's world is never quite whole again. It is an aching kind of growing."

 

oh well. i wish my folks taught me to be a bit meek. haha. ayteh. ER will suspend me for attacking the americano mandingo! bow.

 

 

shobe tells me not to worry about that big ape and to just visit her kairi who is a good girl but has no pain receptors like mommy. and has tiny tears. soooo cute!

--

i wish they'd suspend me during the week after the 20th, i will be at my happiest to be staying in cebu! :)

i wish i told him that i am part muslim cuz my father is islam and i grew up in muslim mindanao where there are real wars and i eat pork.. this way he'd know what ATTACK means before he can even use it in a sentence.

--

God's amazingly great. and dich just made me realize that my job description fits an SME and not a trainer. haha. i love my sisters. :)

 

photos on film.

photos i stole from angelo's site. oh well. i don't think he'd mind. last three photos were from his bff iver.

big blow off

forget how to count
starting with your own age
starting with how to count backward
starting with even numbers
starting with roman numerals
starting with the old calendar
going on to the old alphabet
going on the alphabet
until everything is continuous again

- W.S Merwin

i was so mad at this huge american guy last night who thought that everyone is his minion. after that incident i was asked to see HR this afternoon. i sometimes wish i'd never taken the job with training. then gelo and i would've been all right and i wouldn't need to make nice to every one who thinks they are my boss. if i lost this job, the only trouble i'd have is paying my rent or moving my whole luggage to cebu. but, that's not as much trouble as having to deal with huge american dimwits and his filipino clones.

anyway, during breakfast today, i told matthew that i honestly am not scared if i wind up jobless. i told him that during my devotional time, God has given me one promise. that is in psalm 71:20 - though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again. and i hold this to be true. i know it as the truth. maybe those difficult people are difficult because they don't have my God.

argh.

oh on a happier note!

i saw my ent with matthew again. tells me he needs to see me after two weeks. i hear a bit better now that my ear chambers are free of dirt. haha. (don't try to imagine it- it's gross!)

--

i'll miss matthew. i told him at times even though people feel the same way about each other, they're not just SWAK. and maybe one day, he'll meet that one gal who feels totally just happy to be with him.

 

a happy wash

"It is impossible not to love someone who makes toast for you. People's failings, even major ones such as when they make you wear short trousers to school, fall into insignificance as your teeth break through the rough, toasted crust and sink into the doughy cushion of white bread underneath. Once the warm, salty butter has hit your tongue, you are smitten. Putty in their hands." (p. 1)

"You can't smell a hug. You can't hear a cuddle. But if you could, I reckon it would smell and sound of warm bread-and-butter pudding." (p. 7)- Nigel Slater

♥i couldn't sleep during the afternoon and decided to work on my laundry cuz my hampers had been full the past 3 months. :) i started with the ukay purchases. haha. for the next 2 months or so, i will be wearing dresses from korea. that'll make me korean na i guess. :)

i'm thinking about one chapter in robert fulghum's book, he said, he uses Cheer because he liked the thought of a happy wash. and that there are stuff in a detergent that could soften dirt, retain color, remove stain, makes clothes fragrant and if only there are such stuff that could work on people too- remove our toughness, erase our wrinkles, & make us smell better..

so going back to my laundry, i was satisfied with the thought that my clothes were soaked in laundry detergent, then i rubbed them with a cheap strawberry smelling bath soap, then rinsed them with water mixed with fabric conditioner. i love laundry. if i can just afford to buy a front load washer and that dryer like ones in the states and it's gonna be needless to hang them on clothes lines. :)

♥there are two things i remembered about my conversation with gelo yesterday. he was talking about his shoots with iver and told me that at times they'd go to slums and see the destitute and he says he thought that he is a hell lot luckier to be thinking about other things and not where to get his next meal. and he told me about iver. and how iver got his back. at times, gelo can act like a big boy. haha. shame on me, i cannot be like dut.

♥i kinda liked living alone now. i can eat wutever i want, and wake up anytime i feel like waking up. but, it gets lonely during dusk. anyway, i chose the bread pudding quote because i wanted to talk about food. i made apple and celery salad. in honor of wanting to eat healthy. i don't want to be on a diet. i just want to skip meat. but, i have a gazillion meat on the fridge. i hafta make sure i cook them all before month's end and try tripping on veggies.i found out gaisano sells fresh longans. i wanted lychees but i settled for longans because fresh lychees are not available. joe brings lunch.. usually greens with olive oil or vinaigrette(spell check) and fruits mixed with vinaigrette and poached shrimps with herbs or chicken with herbs. i wanna eat like dut! haha. sowshul.and the best thing i saw on the fruit aisle lately. PLUMS, i will make sure i'll get some when i have time. they're nostalgia. i can name my child or my future pooch plum. :0

♥it's not too difficult to feel blessed lately. although i wake up confused and some things about being an adult boggle me, God has been unceasingly gracious to me and my family. i kinda wake up feeling less lonely and looking forward to the last quarter of the year. maybe some time soon, things will look up for the me and the people i hold close in my heart.

diw matthew

You say that we've got nothing in common

No common ground to start from

And we're falling apart

You'll say the world has come between us

Our lives have come between us

But I know you just don't care





CHORUS:
And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?

She said, "I think I remember the film,

And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."

And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."





I see you - the only one who knew me

And now your eyes see through me

I guess I was wrong

So what now? It's plain to see we're over,

And I hate when things are over -

When so much is left undone





diw matthew,

thanks for singing this to me last night.

hola!

She says, "Don't do what you want." She says, "Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want."
It's the opposite of following your bliss.
..."Do the things that scare you the most."
Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
--
some days are like the best and the worst days of your life.

after 3 weeks of not seeing and speaking to each other gelo and i met for lunch at business inn, i ordered kansi and watermelon slush for us. :) 3 weeks felt like 3 years of absence. it's hard not to hug him or hold his hand or gush at how his hair is growing in the right places now and how good he looked and how thin and it's hard not to worry about him because i still think the world of him and wants the best for him and hopefully he gets the ong ancestral house and millions now that he is the only proper heir to it. haha. and he'll do okay and he'll grow up nicely and i wish he'd show up for work every night and be good at it and speak english correctly and we'll work on being better friends than ex lovers holding grudges against each other.

today i learned to let go. although,selfish as i may sound i still want angelo to hang around. it's partly because i miss his company and how his laughter fills the apartment and still resonates in my head, and how he gets on his maoy mode though at times it's either embarrassing and infuriating i miss those times. this afternoon, i told him we should've been asleep at this time, and he says, nagmaoy na tani ko cuz i can't sleep.
in between tears i told him that i can't remember him saying that he loves me first, he tells me he has been telling me that he loves me..
i know he did. oh well, things are looking up brightly for both of us i guess.

am back to work. i've been absent last friday. i looked forward to work because sunshine smsd that she'll show up and is bringing meringue and butterscotch from biscocho house iloilo. i brought butter popcorns and we popped both bags correctly. then ER termed her. it's hard not to miss her. i miss ana too. both girls are my fave agents by far.

my ears hurt. they ring and bang and itch i have impacted ear drums. the doc calls it otitis externa. oh man, those who have lil understanding of ear infection calls it bu-og hahaha. leche.

my eyes stung too. i wore my glasses and i am on my hilo and blurred mode. i'm tired of crying over the littlest things. and i am not even on my pms mode.

digression: about work still- i thunk tama si jeremy. even if you don't like a person, try to be nice. I AM TRYING. and good Lord, sometimes it's hard to be nice.

i said gbye to matthew today too. i don't really want him to be caught in this heaped up mess called RAEN. i am not being fair to any of us. but, i want him to go see kairi in cebu. he will go with me.(saying this with conviction cuz i already asked him- haha!) he has been the kindest most level-headed 26 year old i know. and i only had the loveliest, most princessy treatment ever since we've been together.
and he had concrete plans. you hardly see anyone running around with concrete plans these days.


the weekend: saturday, i saw an ent with mateo, then after which we had lunch at hong kong kitchen, we ordered rice and beef with broccoli which according to matthew tasted like my broccoli and pork tips. :) uh-yeah. then i met emi at bob's. i was blabbering all along, as if we were good friends since day one. i don't know what is it about new gal pals that makes me excited and happy. meeting people can really be an experience. :) dear emi, thanks for seeing me. will see you in cebu. :)

sunday, we had breakfast at jollibee libertad with arbie, then martha caught up with us, then we all went on a sunny sunday excursion in murcia for the great ukay hunt. haha. i bought huges scarves, a woven skirt of a korean brand, some korean dresses. :)

am never gonna run out of them dresses na and am not gonna go shopping unless i am buying food.

when we got home we did the groceries. i don't like the groceries anymore. it's a hasslefeck.

i missed church. but, God has been awfully faithful. i just pray that other people wake up and see how imperfect they are before they pass judgement. it's awful at times.

amazing ginamus series

of last week's and weekend's
murcia
home
ukay
coffee
emi

dancing waters

Henry says he knows me in the future. Huge black clouds are moving up from behind the trees, they come so suddenly that I laugh, theyare like puppets, and everything is swirling toward me and there is a long low peal of thunder. I am suddenly aware of myself standing thin and upright in a Meadow where everything has flattened itself down and so I like down hoping to be unnoticed by the storm which rolls up and I am flat on my back looking up when water begins to pour down from the sky. My clothes are soaked in an instant and I suddenly feel that Henry is there, an incredible need for Henry to be there and to put his hands on me even while it seems to me that Henry is the rain and I am alone wanting him.


Audrey Niffenegger - The Time Traveler's Wife



am manning joe's class because he's ill. i lurve the gals. i really want an all gals team, all pretty gals without comm skills problems. i don't want pretty boys cuz most likely they'll end up in call center hell with their pretty egoistic faces and comm skills problem.
i don't know how recruitement team short lists qualified applicants. don't they even know how hard it is to deal with people who cannot correctly converse in english? not that i am infallible like the pope when it comes to comm skills, but, gahd o, they hafta look for people who knows how to communicate properly.
i'll die with heart attack. yesterday, a newbie agent asks his customer this: "can i hold you for one minute?" maaaaaaaaaaaaan. i died.


i'm cold and irked and almost down with ear infection and had to see an ent. i wrote the longest happy entry and lost it when i clicked save. haha.




i brought salsa and cheese popcorns for the nesting team and burnt them. hayers. :) i cannot cook gyd yah. masking microwave, i am hopeless.




boyfriend and moi dated. sm mcdo for lunch and cheeseburgers. :) then i looked for prunes but they were uber pricey, so i settled for raisins and dried mangoes.



for the heck of it cuz i am pissed. i am wearing a tommy hilfiger shirt and a bill blass skirt because i can afford them. i hate it when people are high-minded. i am not even jealous.



i kinda feel super blessed lately. the happiest gift i've had is my new niece. and my first niece from my nuclear family. i love you kairi, i wanna see you na.



i came to the conclusion that i'd always think fondly of someone inspite of the circumstances we went thru because i have good mem'ries of this person. specifically of shopping/ good food/ and of silly lil life things and it'll end just there. okay, i'm done feeling guilty and missing him hopelessly. i am so done.



and another thing, the boyf always gives me chocolate bars. it's the sweetest thing. :)



i wish we can adopt the boyf's daughter but, he tells me we can't. sayang. :( she's the cutest.

oh well, God bless everyone's weekend.





pms notus/duttymofthemonth: aug31-sept4

less than butterflies

i love the gals from joe's class. they remind me of myself back in uni. both gals are intas. ana is insik whilst sunshine is tisay. i wanna name my kid sunshine one day.

i wish mateo would wind up being a sup. or if all else falls into place we will wind up being mamomogons in canada. which is most def okay sad. :)

anywhere but, here.

i'm fed up with the "air" of some people who thunk that they're all better.

my life's almost close to perfection these days. i'm just semi-bored. i want prunes. and fruit cake. hayers.

kairi's heel was cut by the doctors and then shobe reckons that her pain receptors wouldn't work daw. poor baby.

so carrie------ i will not settle for anything less than butterflies.
and diw Lord, thanks for the caterpillars. c")

btw: i kinda don't want to feel poor and so, sana may sponsor sa serious shopping in hongkong some time in the near fyutur. german boyfriend, where art thou?

kepoi ang beghal. merese at times sa mga mahadera na reklamadora. 

sunday's movie date

for the love of retsard last sunday. photos from manong guard and sar.

treantelle

thru the "kindness" of teej flounder.

tuesday

good news first.
kairi is out! dichee called and made me talk to tmac who says his baby has an odd head and asked if i were familiar with cone head cuz her head is shaped as such.
baby details: (according to dich)
name: kairi cate conson
time of birth: 2:14p
date of birth: 2 sept 2008
wieght: 7.2 pounds
has super chinky eyes// high cheekbones// pouting mouth(?)// i'm-so-pretty-and-you're-not look all from her mommy!


maldita kaayo ang face ni kairi mana kay shobe!


i told boyfriend that i don't want to be pregnant. or is scared of being pregnant. i asked if we can just adopt his daughter. who is 5 and would say "torta" when she refers to money.

but, i don't think we can. i'm just totally baby jealous now.

and!!!!!!!! i got a tiny bottle of dancing water from sly. :) and got myself a bottle of strawberries and champagne and velvet tuberose from vs and bbw respectively. :)

and i will be a vegan na. :)

and matthew and i and arbie and jonas and friends had bulalo after work today. :)


God is awesome. this world is fallen but, we have a God who keeps all things together. :)


iloveyou caryl jo and kairi :)


He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count.

--The House at Pooh Corner, A. A. Milne

lola

in bullets:
sunday::
- saw for the first time and had greenwich pizza with the morats yesterday. i loves you retsard.
- i want the princess fragrance set of vera wang. i told matthew i am getting my wedding gown from her. haha.
- church: we cannot sin more than God's forgiveness. ang ganda. made me realize how blessed a Christian life is. despite the sipyats. pinangga masking sipyat.
- serious shopping- scored a halter top from bayo and rhinestones logo shirt from guess. smack dut keeu. :) loreal's on sale. eyelovit.

saturday::
- slept thru the day

today: naloka ako sa agent na newbie sa exfuja. i told him: alex, it's not funny. karun pako naing-ani ka frustrated. i hate it when people don't take their calls seriously.
--

and i don't know who died and made you queen of all what not to do in a lovestory.. i am not high minded like you are but, i know how to dress up at least.
--

i thunk if rustan's and birkies are readily available in bacolod, these could've saved my relationship with angelo. bwaha.


The not-knowings, not-understandings, and not-endings are part of the mystery of life, the things that keep us all guessing.

Ghosts of Block Island, Fran Migliaccio