good times. rolling.

on road to domestication still. it's harder to stay up for keken cuz i was uber sleepy when i got home. he still wouldn't eat anything that i'd feed him. nappy change is better today. i am impervious to poop and snot. :)

i realized that what seems to be bothersome now, loatheful, and plainly irits might not be a flicker of anything a year from now. and none of those things will matter. parang like wut kiss told me on a starbucks' date one time; "when i had kaya, none of them seemed to matter.. i don't care if you disliked me, i don't like you either.. " with that said, i think these locals won't matter na. :)

for friends asking me about hotels in boracay- sorry this has been long delayed. may i suggest:

Alice In Wonderland Resort
Located between Boat Station 1 and 2.
Special rates was as low as 1k php a night but, am not sure on high season.
They've A/C, 2 single beds, a washroom, cable tv, fridge, closet. and they have a pool.
Contact numbers: TEL:(63-36)-288-3278/ MOBILE: 63-920-249-9177
Rates for that standard room i've described above per night good for two guest:
3000-4300php- this december to january.

Nigi Nigi  Nu Noos
contact: (63 36) 288 3101,  (63)36-506-3106, and (63)36-288-5042
it's beachfront. :)
high season this holidays, a/c room (deluxe) is at least usd120(convert convert!)

La Carmela de Boracay Resort Hotel
at station two
contact numbers:
Telephone: +63.36.288.5423 +63.36.288.5921
+63.36.288.4376  
Mobile: +63.918.937.6573 +63.920.951.3665
+63.917.719.9970 +63.922.844.4521  
superior room good for 4 guests: high season starts at 3,300php
AMENITIES : Fully air-conditioned rooms with mini-refrigerator, hot & cold shower
and cable TV, 24-hour standy generator, 24-hour security personnel, scenic elevator

and la carmela has a twin, i think it's boracay courtyard and rates are more affordable.


for more resorts listings:
http://www.boracayresorts.com/

i hope these answered all your questions. :)

-------------------->
some reasons why i loved Christmas other than easter. cuz my schedule's usually packed and i've extra moolah to spend. :) i love the 13th month pay, sana sa call centers mandated din ang 14th month pay cuz we worked at night. sana. asa.

and 3 years ago, i realized that i was standing outside sm cebu, on the main entrance smsing someone, when i felt this cold gust of wind on my face whilst i was smsing someone really special to me then. tas, i realized it's already christmas. (wala oi.. afaks lang..)

i loved the two Christmases we Christians have: ang pasko- which is Christmas day itself, and ang pasko ng pagkabuhay, which is Easter. both are reminders of how we are loved by someone whose love is greater than our fave persons. :)

:)

all right. and so, the series of accounts' Christmas parties began this week. we have the exfuja party tom, and the grand tp party on friday. carribean.
i suck at spelling. spell check. tas, the qa charity thingy at the orphanage on the 20th, tas seeing Cee on saturday afternoon for starbucks. hahaha. makisiksik kami didto. :) and the small group's Christmas party.

and shempre. noche buena and new year's eve dinner with my kapamilya and kapuso.
and ma and kiki will be here thursday night.

i wonder how kids in africa feel about this. or kids without parents or people without family. or homes. wut's pasko without the people who mattered? what's pasko if you don't have Christ in your life?

take care,
Raeyna

today's affirmation (and reminder to my pala-away self:)
While you live, while it is in your power, be good.
-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

tell me a bed time story

"Dreams don't come true. Dreams die. Dreams get compromised. Dreams end up dealing meth in a booth at the back of the Olive Garden. Dreams choke to death on bay leaves. Dreams get spleen cancer."
The Gum Thief

i really want good books above anything for next year. masking pa mainstream. i just want hardbound novels. good literature. cheap literature. as long as culture and literature is there.

i finally ordered the couch yesterday. :) i've to buy a throw or pillows. actually it's just a long bench made out of gemelina wood. and at least when am older when someone would ask me where i got the couch, i can say i had it made. :) lowl.

we had the dance rehearsal yesterday afternoon. it was raining. and dich and i did errands(sent snail mails) in sm in the morning tas ordered the couch, then i had to show up at the practice. i cannot dance. i liked dancing whilst clubbing because noone is minding you when you are happily dancing. but, a choreographed one, i can't. it's embarrassing.

i got asked(finally) to go to the ball game. and i had to take a raincheck cuz of the dance practice for tonight's Christmas party at work.

:)

i thunk i spent the whole weekend exchanging sms with this one person who if i keep being a "to be" i might wind up plainly being a to be. grabeh ka densed. but, am not complaining. densed and slow and oblivious is good for me. God made nice guys that way i guess.
:)

i still hold a huge anger on this ex gal pal. and that's the last reaction i will act out when she's around. i think mahal ang moisturizer. if i carried on a contentious attitude, am gonna be like her who seems to make a contest out of the littlest things. so am done. i hate her but, that's just it. i just hate her. yawn lang.
:)

okay. congratulations bacolod. you finally won yourself a ticket to coffee consumerism and all kinds of consumerism now. we have STARBUCKS. our first. :) hehehe. mackoy told me they served jalapeño bread. and finger food on the opening that's per invite only. so mga city socialphiles and layshosness lang ang naa didto this afternoon.

well, i will have coupons from him anyway.

:)

i want a dog. i wish i can get a jack russel. timing when i told him i want a jack russel his pa got one this afternoon. inggit big time. :( i want a pug man gyapon. forever.

today, i went out with dich. i played scarlet's part in the nanny diaries, bacolod version.. went with kenji to the play house in sm. we stayed there for an hour and i let him play. he was nice, when older kids would get his toys, he'd let them have them. it's good that he can start learning how to share at an early age. m tells me to read proverbs to my penguin cuz a child would learn the discipline of a parent is for his own good.

i guess i can start reading to keken when am still his for the mean time nanny.

he'd be a nice boy one day. and not a player who makes tuhog all your friends and make up excuses for his actions and calls to say sorry to his ex gal when he is drunk. waaaaaah. puot? (sorry gyd naz, nakisali naman ko.. :)

christmas party series starts today. we danced. i embarrassed myself gyd yah. bow. i can live up to the retro ensembles but, cannot live down that dancing part.

saturday, i finally showed up at the small group. for the first time in 4 years, i finally have a small group. i was elated, a bit timid(for some time-kaloka), and felt blessed to make time for Him. it's odd how pala-away i am and how maldita i can be and stressful as a friend or an enemy. but, God always tells you to come as you are to His party. so you don't pretend to be anything that you are not. that's just how it is with Him.

we had dinner at dana's house. and had exchange gifts. we brought lampoy gifts. i got french fries mallows from dana's mum and i gave her my gummy worms. her dad facilitated the lecture. it was about the 2nd coming and the rapture and all that jazz in revelations and m asked me to share after i go home. i told him wut i learned and how confusing some stuff are.

and i kinda thought na parang from hope christian school those kiddies and guys and gals am with. i am just uber happy i got invited and ricky did not give up on inviting me to the small group when i was reluctant to join at first. ''

my life is slowly changing a bit. i have a family in this city. a nephew to look after until he gets a nanny, a sister to be a sister to and share stuff with, a lola..
and a saturday night to look forward to. and proverbs. haha.
i just might hafta learn to completely let go of that family i had last year. and it's okay. :)

"dream a little dream of me.."
gunyt.
Raeyna.

we can work it out.

i kinda have some brown to go bags brought from church with czar and gracey yesterday.
it's about winning. and how none of us wanna lose because God placed a seed of winning in our tummy to win in Him. :) iliked what the speaker shared. and likewise how we can discern if we are truly making the right decision.. we have to ask ourselves whether that decision will hurt Him or our relationship with Him- which pretty much boils down to the FEAR OF THE LORD.

bottomline: only the world says we can lose, God however says we are destined to win. :)

♥

mendrez is on sale. although i swore off buying stuff from that store(hehe. exag:) i checked whether they have good comfy slip ons and flats. mayrown nga, but, i thought i don't really need new stuff lately cuz galibog nasad ko how will i wear all of my footwear and where will i wear them sad..

but, i saw a t-strapped bronze slipper, aqua slipper that's soft, a white version in size 9, and a heart quilted black flats. lami. pero naka sleep man ko so am not gonna go back to the mall and buy any. :)

♥
czar and i had dinner at time out with markIT and friends. we bought cocktails. white russian and tequila sunset. then we went to this new place in bredco overlooking the sea or the pantalan to be more exact. :) it's pretty.

saturday, i attended the grad of wave 22 dami food. :) food makes me happy gyud ai. :) i kinda feel guilty not being able to help them cuz i still am quarantined inside jerber's office. :( aiwan oi. so for the mean time i am curriculum developing. hahaha.

then after shift went boozing with czar et nazel at lumer's.. and slept whole day..

--

in two days it'll be kenji's second birthday. wala gyapon sha new tricks. save uh-oh! and making pacute face(think wrinkling his nose and pacute smile:) when he wants food. :)
today his mom smsd that he danced the happy feet dance and went straight to the wall. nawa na ang happy feet after cuz crayola galores na.

see you lovelove!


and gelo on the other hand is comparable to shobe. maka ugtas but, you wind up being drawn to him cuz you'd always want to give him a hug.

today he smsd love2x ta gyd ka.
bleh. :) ang magreact law-ay.

tonight:
i got a printed spaghetti strapped top from arbie, and it's love. :)
i heart you arbie!

i also made spicy veggie chopsuey and wilted all the veggies. haha. but, i now know how to make chop suey.

--
I wish you were a dragonfly, or something as small and elegant as a dragonfly, so that I could carry you eternally near my heart.

J.S. Bernstein

lullabies

"She says nothing at all, but simply stares upward into the dark sky and watches, with sad eyes, the slow dance of infinite stars."
Gaiman


although i know how some things might potentially ruin what i have now, i'll still continue nurturing what i feel is right at this point- prolly in the end i might say i am really silly for running towards all directions at the same time; i will still run. (okay, yofaks maging vague!)




angelo breaks my heart in a good way at times. when he is asleep, he's like the most beautiful creature there is. i'm also jealous of his lashes.







he was like an angel, you know? i never knew life could be like that. he was the one thing i followed through in my life, the one thing i didn't give up on. i was good at loving him. (who knows where this quote is from?)







i realize that i am like this too::
Sometimes, kids want you to hurt the way they hurt.


(For One More Day, Mitch Albom)



cuz the other day when i was hurting, i wanted gelotine to wind up crying too. so i purposely said something that would make him weep. dah, gaba.





God is faithful.










edits:: maka bad mood na tonight. some people in this city take themselves too seriously and think they've the right to boss everyone around. sue me. di ko ninyo minion.
i hate this city. sunoga sila tanan Lord beh.

nausea at 5 am

"I know. I know that I shall never again meet anything or anybody who will inspire me with passion. You know, it's quite a job starting to love somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment, in the very beginning, when you have to jump across a precipice: if you think about it you don't do it. I know I'll never jump again."


-Jean-Paul Sartre


i don't know what to feel now. if i were to be grateful that He works and that there are friends who look out for me and tell me to walk the walk, talk the talk like a Christian would. at times God is just different.


this job.
this city.


it's different.


i wonder how many crazy things will i go thru in 4 years' time.


maybe when i'm 30, i'd look back at this point in time and tell myself how trivial is everything that i am going thru right now.

catch 22, again

The sad thing about life is that dreams are usually so cookie-cutter perfect, that people just settle for the closest things to them. They don't believe in the existence and sheer possibilities of their own desires.
Trina Dela Rama, Runaway

it poured last weekend. we spent our saturday night at home as opposed to how we intended to spend it because of the storm. the rain still scares me, but, not as much now that i have a roommate. :)
woke up very early sunday morning, phoned a cab to drive us to mcdonald's lacson, amidst the downpour, we had to get out of the house because we had no electricity and cannot cook food.
our steps were oddly directed to church. grace invited us to attend either the 10am or 4am service of victory, at first, we were both hesitant, but, strangely the Spirit worked Himself thru the both of us who were absent from church for almost a year now..
the message last Sunday revolved around winning souls. that as a Christian, God can fullfil your agenda if you served His agenda first. That He'd promise you that You can command Him to do things for you, if you did what He is asking first. I'm confident to say that I know that if i were to die tonight, I know where I am going, and I am not scared, however that part of my faith convicts me of one thing- being complacent. I feel as though there's no need for me to do anything else cuz i could always use 1 John 1:9 as God's promise to keep forgiving me each time I say I'm sorry. Yet, the pastor pointed out, that in any case, we should always try to win someone for Him.
i'm blabbing. i'm just happy to share worship time with Gelo. i hope we keep it this way til we are married.
i hope that one day, if i continue training, out of the 4 weeks that i have with the trainees, i'd give an hour for Him as well- this way they would know, prior to taking on a job that requires them to be up all night, they'd know someone is also praying for them that they continue doing their jobs in good health.
sunday still: we had lunch at shakey's and saw this german-filipino, specifically ilonggo speaking family, they've 3 kids, and has a set of twins. the eldest hannah, told me, her sister and brother are named louise and lucas.
hayers. kids are love.
then gelo and i saw made of honor.
two hour long.
okay movie. :)
today we dated again :)
and we both completed our errands and even bought two more laundry basins and clothes clips.

i have so much concerns about work. some things make me soooo angry, i wanna walk away from this company.
i know i can walk away when i have the answers and i have lawyers to talk to.
at times, rich people think they can easily manipulate people working for them. but, then the heavens have good ways of making them pay back.
am praying for answers.
am not praying for other people to tell me that i am not doing well because CSAT says so.
they're all full of crap. and are sooo good at blaming others. they're not even half as good as i am cuz i know that when i'm doing my job i have my heart into it. i prayed for it. but, it's makayofax with the dramas. i'm surrounded with people who had soooo much bull.
i hope they be happy when i finally step away from them. teleperformance needed to know how to value people. they should learn how to deal with people's tenureship. and not have faggotry in motion daily telling us to speak english in our own country when they do not pay agent's salary on time.
and cannot make a decent and consistent contract.

4 years ago i wanted a 25k pay per month, my own apartment, now that i have these, i didn't know it SUCKS.

2 cents

some actor once said that the name CHRISTIAN stood for : CHRIST I AM NOTHING..

haven't been passionately trying to evangelize people with what i believed in- altho in some instances such as last weekend, it crossed me that it might be the right venue to share Him Jesus to those who were there cuz they were literally doing nothing at all and might be willing to listen- but, i got scared. so i let that chance pass..

i've been writing about my baby steps towards Christianity in this blog amongst other daily babbles of life such as daily fits and consumerism and this lovely thing we all call lurve. but, yesterday's work episode honestly humbled me. i normally stay away from confrontation lest the uncalled for tears. but really..

jeremy's right about one thing, we don't get our worth from other people, we must measure ourselves up to how He sees us. Cuz without Him we are worth nothing and in Him we can have everything. prolly despite our disagreements at times, we would still meet half way not because he is my boss and i am his worker ant, not because we are friends, but, what could've set jeremy and i from the rest is the one fact- we're both Christians, that makes a hell lot of difference.

--

on road to uptraining. thank God the week's almost over!

then again, no.

there are times when i hate being poor. yesterday, after paying our bills, i told gelo we have very little for groceries and we have to buy the things we really needed for the next two weeks. i felt awful going to gaisano. kaso whilst we were walking, i saw a very old man weeding the walkway of sanitarium hospital and he is crippled, told gelo about it, he said, he might not be crippled. i told him i saw the crutches. and even if he weren't he is too old to do odd jobs for a living. then i recalled seeing a guy without a foot and on crutches walking on the side of a very dusty road on a terrible scorching day when we were on our way home from our weekend. none of which made me feel better about myself or the circumstances that i am in.

today before my shift started, i had the chance to open my devotional, then it dawned to me that whatever insignificant and incomprehensive things there may be, they are there to complete and serve His purpose. i still did not truly understand His answer and still do not feel relieved that what is around is poverty however, somehow it helped me get thru my workday.

anyway, i have a shitty shift.

but, God is still good. i think He's telling me to be okay with crap.

“You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure about you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.” — Marianne Williamson

gipasabot ra na wajud ko angay maging pubri. faet!

saving my life in unlikely ways

told gelo about people with loosened screws, asked him to promise me that if we were ever gonna get married he should take care of me in case i go psycho. he said, he's used to me driving him up the wall. so, i guess that's a promise. ♥

--
mental disorder is a sad thing. even alcholism is a sad thing. people have monsters in them.. i know i have this love-hate relationship with jeremy(friend, baby boss) but, at times he makes sense too. i'm too angry yesterday then he told me not to take everyone personaly, cuz them people are just made dut way. some are tactless, some have monsters. and he told me about certain brain disorders that affected some ppl, he said drugs are just temporary relief however, it's someone's relationship with Christ that they should nurture this way they can fight the lil monsters inside their heads. made me think.

--
so i have lil monsters, and at times work gets the better of me too. and some people are just plainly stupid and point fingers(as i do that often too, so am stupid at times too and libakera- haha:) albeit these, i were directed to this verse today:

Ephesians 6:7 (King James Version)

With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men..

simply put, work is not supposed to be done for other people's glory/ appreciation/ commendation, kudos for a good job should come from your God cuz you are only accountable to Him, when men question you, you know that in your heart you are making/working your best for your God.

--

this should be the most incoherent entry i've written so far.

--

anyway, i am praying for work in singapore, thailand, or the states. i wanted this said/written out loud so that it will easily be materialized. :)

--

so, am doing side by side coaching with the new wave on transition queue. jumpy and scared. i wish i could manage to say the right things. diw Lord, i did not know am THIS insecure! and i thought callcenter work is peanut.

--

Most of our attempts to translate our innermost feelings do no more than relieve us of them by drawing them out in a blurred form which does not help us to identify them.

Marcel Proust, "Swann's Way"

--

l♥ve

'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protect, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.'

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7
The Bible

love alone

No one would love me if they knew all the things I hide My words fall to the floor As tears drip through the telephone line // And the hands I’ve seen raised to the sky Not waving but drowning all this time I'll try to build an ark that they need To float to you upon the crystal sea //

Give me your hand to hold 'Cause I can't stand to love alone And love alone is not enough to hold us up We've got to touch your robe So swing your robe down low Swing your robe down low // The prince of despair's been beaten But the loser still fights Death's on a long leash Stealing my friends to the night //

And everyone cries for the innocent You say to love the guilty too And I'm surrounded by suffering and sickness So I'm working tearing back the roof // And the pain of the world is a burden And it's my cross to bear And I stumble under all the weight I know you're Simon standing there And I know you're standing there //

 ♥ happy love day

this hotel.

sobrang sakit ng ulo ko last night. and sobrang gising ako ng gising. at times there's fear that makes you sick in the stomach. hayers. the only thing i'd remember now is that.. HE WHO IS IN ME IS GREATER THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD.

will write about it when i go home or when am not in this hotel. grovers ka-terribleh.

na antig ang world

pasado ang koreana sa quiz tah day. two mistakes lang. happy happy joy joy.

i've another test tomorrow tho. second to the last nalang. parang masters degree for exfuja na ititch cuz am redoing the whole thang. ayawkownah. am excited to be certified next month and become an official trainer. am honestly hoping i'd do well and excel and not be mediocre cuz now i am being annoyingly mediocre and passive. siguro it comes with the weather. sa PI, tanginang magtatrayola harder akow. God is always great cuz even if things are mejo shakey for me with work and the account and being here, He had been constant and kept me safe. wukits. :) so i guess we all must trust Him that He can eventually get you the correct pair of shoes that'll fit you well. cuz maybe now, He did or is finding me a nice fit. :)

fn: i wanna leave on a jet plane na. promise. am somehow miserable na namens. but, sige lang ng sige mownah. i wanna go to thailand. mga friends. may libre mo na tickets for me and gelo?

tara 2008!

♥altho lindsay and her sister's shiny tights are in question and mary kate's(or ashley?) ensemble made it to the worst dressed list, i still want them tights and skinny jeans. and i also want a cyan longchamp tote. the huge one. take note, want. but, that doesn't necessarily mean i want more. there are days when i am just craving girly-ness and consumerism then eventually think that it's too silly to be ostentatious when there are things that weighed more/needs serious consideration other than spending for a frilly skirt or a new pair of green shoes.. then again, girls can always go shopping all they want since they are constructed in that fabulous manner.. malls are always going to be gals' solace..

on the other hand i've been blessed with soooo much the past year.. answered prayers here and there.. and there things i resolve to do but has been procastinating..(i'm sorry, i'm not too coherent with my entries these past few months..)

my to work on list this 2008..

1. get a home church, when i got baptised around college, we had this contract(covenant?) between me and my local church, that if possible when i relocate/move cities, i should find me a home church, to shepherd me as i grow. it's a 4 year process, eventually i'd find one..

2. to eat healthy, not necessarily cutting sweets and potato chips and fast food, but, to my term, eating healthy would mean incorporating veggies to my diet. and hopefully to angelo's as well.. when will he learn to eat carrot sticks? i learned, i know he will one day..

3. to not carry a bad heart. a struggle. i know people backstabs, i do that too. especially when i feel like i could not face one person who i am having difficulty dealing with squarely. well, anyway, that's why i blog. it's not so bad if i say it in my blog. i mean there are kawawa people lang talaga.. kawawa in a sense that they cannot put things together for themselves and take credit for the things that are not supposed to be credited to them.. but, who cares.. i'll blog nalang.. :)

4. be honest about feelings with gelo always, i know i have been honest with feelings and hurt, he might not get it,i try to do away with backstabbing him since he knows wut i tell my friends and every thing has hope, we are not a hopeless case..i wanted to believe that when all else thinks otherwise..

5. enuf negativity. be generous with praise. everyone will have a bad day. kindness will not go unnoticed. enuf b*tching.. (jealous? roll your eyes.. haha..) nge, see item #3, i'm totally contradicting myself..

6. be frugal. organize my finances. shame on me and gelo cuz we are business grads and could not manage to save. kakahiya.

7. learn to speak tagalog fluently cuz i am totally good with my ilonggo. (hahaha, confident) and always consult the dictionary cuz i am aware that my english grammar and all that juice is also in question.. i have to relearn and unlearn what i have been accostumed to. and work on spelling and pronouncing things the correct way..

--

spent the new year at gelo's place. his family had been a great host, food was fab, i ate too much buko pandan. in the morning of jan. 1, we saw take the lead, then went back home(thank goodness, they opened the dorm. yes, i am homeless no more, i pay 3k to be homeless for 1.5 days.. thank you very much)..then we had dinner of hotdogs and fries at taters..

they haven't delivered my visa yet. uh-huh..

i feel home sick for iloilo. odd.

just silly silly happy the past few days.. ;p

thank You diw Lord, You are awesome in tons of different ways.

on that note, i wanted to share jacel's new year's day sms:

all i have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all i have not seen.. may the blessings that you have received this year be a guarantee of His faithfulness in the year to come..

love always,

raen