any apparent somewhere..

"Oh if at every moment of our lives we could know the consequences of some of the utterings, thoughts and deeds that seem so trivial and unimportant at the time! And should we not conclude from such examples that there is no such thing in life as unimportant moments devoid of meaning for the future?"

The Passionate Nomad -- Isabelle Eberhardt

- i still have strange dreams about my old old friends from 10 or so years back. i don't know if it's yearning or feeling nostalgic about how things were i cannot seem to pinpoint one thing about those dreams. and then i got this sms from mike ty telling me his mom passed. i shivered at the thought of not being able to be physically present when friends actually need friends to be there. at times, i just wanted my family & other people whom i really really cared about close by. sad night. but, not extremely. there are tons of other reasons to be happy about being here..

- am glad i somehow have the affirmation from eds that his place is a happy place to be in. things are vague now. i don't even know if i can last 6 more months in the company. at times you go to work and you feel like you have an unseen enemy. but, diba, in the Bible one of God's promises is to lay a banquet in front of you despite the fact that your foes are surrounding you? i am claiming that promise for myself. by monday, i hope to see things clearly. now, i'm all clouded over.

- and then there's gelo. he makes me happy. i sometimes thought that he looks like a tiny beany baby and i could just squeeze him til he would burst.

okay, i am sharing the baby names i have in mind. i don't mind if people will copy, but, these will be the names i wanted for our kids if we would wind up with kids (or can afford to have kids) years from now..
- bianca nicholaa (cuz am sure the baby won't be morena cuz am pale, and gelo is 75% mainland chinese:)

- nafsika victoria (gaya names from a model and from my bessie in high school and of chors, from posh:)

- stefania romina (in honor of stefifay and most of the rominas i know are guapitas:)

- mika mathia - baby boy name cuz gelo wants the boy named mika after some f1 racer and i don't want the child to not have a middle name cuz he'd be teased as kaong.. mi-KAONG. mathia becuz i loved mark ruiz' first baby girl to death. i want our boy to have a girl's name cuz i know he'd be pretty..

- slate dylan - jacob dylan of wallflowers is love. and the Christian life is always counted on fresh slates. good start each time, each day. i want our child to have a name that would remind him that he'll always have forgiveness and can always start anew.

and if all else fails, and if we adopt a child as gelo would want an adopted child if we cannot have any, i'll name our daughter lily rain - grace like rain falls daily. :) and i liked one verse in the Bible about lilies and sparrows and how God sees them each day, i want that child to know that she's seen and loved. (i know wala'y lily of the valley diri but, naa'y water lilies:)

- am sappy today. i pondered that at 26 i came to terms with my body issues. there'll be a quiet acceptance that your waist don't trim down on its own but thickens as you age, that you hafta take care of your skin and yourself in general, that it pays to be hygienic but, you don't have to be totally vain. a work mate's sister who's only 20 almost went to the looney bin because of dieting pills and eating disorder. i shared that i went thru a phase in my life where i was über conscious of my weight, had nothing but lettuce for meals and would induce vomiting when i am upset by putting toothbrush or poking my fingers to my throat. i never talked about it that much cuz it's embarassing. but, every gal going thru puberty and young adulthood would go thru that phase, and if they could just bear in mind not to take things too seriously and talk to a friend who goes thru same bodily issues and insecurities, being a looney can be prevented. ü boo-hoo.

- oh well, it's a friday. and it's payday. happy 4th of july to those who are celebrating it. most of call center agents are celebrating. lesser calls tonight. :)

muah!