you should now know why men marry bitches.

i'm not gonna think about the negativity that is other ppl's opinion of me. i frakken hate it when they make up the stupidest story and believe in them with life. all i wanna say is die imperfect insecure whore, die!

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my feet hurt. they're both wobbly and painful. fml.

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my week as it was:
monday- i moved in with j. to our own tiny house. (: yey! it's small. and we lacked windows/ vents. i'm hoping that one of them days, we will get enough natural air circulating at home. we need ceilings for the washroom and a part of the kitchen gutter. but, for the mean time, we'll make do with what we have.

i was pretty emotional about the move. i wind up crying inside the bedroom. i really miss dichee and keken big time. and my neighborhood is new. a bit masa. a bit like everyone knows everyone in that side of town. my baranggay taculing was different. i had to deal with addicts and drunks and be friends with them all summer. it was fun and quiet and chill. now, our little place is different. cozy/crazy kind of different.

j was tons of help. he was lovely. he did most of the cleaning, the prep, and his family all joined in to make the move easier and my transition to their family more comfortable. i am blessed to be loved in ways of service. and still a knot in my tummy tells me i wish i were closer to my own family- lalo na my sisters. but, i will not complain. i'm very lucky.

tuesday- j made me a shoe cabinet, we both worked on painting it chocolate brown. haha, labor of love. (: it's amazing how i managed to have my clothes folded, hung, stored in two tiny clothes shelves. and the house turned out a bit more livable by day 2.
kitchen was made to appear like a kitchen already. even our dining is decent. and my shoes were all in place. j and i even managed to date- in gaisano city of all places, to eat out- shawarma rice and zagu of all food. (: and we bought bric-a-brac and some more tools for the house. j even put light on the foyer. that day was love.

wednesday- i wrapped up arranging the front porch. ;p even the other bedroom which will eventually become the nursery. (i pray we have space for the crib and baby shelves.) i've so much stuff. i don't know how i can salvage some space without cupboards and shelves installed. both bedrooms served as storage areas too. ugh. i hate it when so much things gather dust.

the kitchen is a huge slab of tiles. haha. underneath that slab are tools that would need to be sorted and our laundry room that's next to it smells awfully ugly. :( and some old toys were stored in the kitchen too. i'm too bashful to tell the almost MIL that i wanna throw them out/dispose them so we don't gather dust. maybe when the baby comes. hehe.

j painted the bathroom sunny yellow for me, we'd need to wait til payday to replace the door with a mosaic(ed) pretty door. i'm psyched!


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life is tragically simple and normal. with the taxi fare hike, imma compelled to take the jeepney. first day going back to work today and i had to jeep - by myself. i feel brave. haha. i'll be a happy commuter as i am a happy camper at our new house. i'm totally amazed at how God has shown forgiveness and acceptance of whoever i am in J's love and materialized it in our child.


years ago, each time i had a mis-step, every night, i would look at the night sky and check for stars. if i see tons of them, i would utter a prayer, telling God that i'm grateful for His manifestation of forgiveness- through the stars. now, i do not have to look for the stars. i see j and i feel the baby in my tummy. they are both forgiveness enough. ;p

see, this pregnancy makes me perfect and blameless. ♥