happy helowin!

photos from anton during this morning's meeting. 10/31/2008

and from tahnight. before nag nov. 1.

keken.

ü

swiped off joan's multiply.
high school bff and sisters.

you and your circumstance.

"In spite of what had passed between them, he had not written to her, or come to see her, or sent the dance instructions he had promised.  She was no doubt left to think that he had laughed at her and forgotten her.  It should therefore have been his part to begin with an apology or an excuse, but as they walked along, not looking at each other, he could tell that, far from blaming him, she had room in her heart only for the pleasure of regaining what had been lost.  He knew that if he spoke he would only make himself seem the more wanting in seriousness. Overpowered by the woman, he walked along wrapped in a soft happiness."

Yasunari Kawabata

♥

i can't think of going on the davao vacay cuz of the complexities of the flights going there. wala'y cebu connection and i don't want to go to iloilo and take off from there. it's so yofaks to think about planning the trip that i might wanna take it next year kai. :)

it's booze doing this to all of us again. nazel and i caught up with sly/sandra/philip at lumer's. kim and janice were even there. :)

i can now tell the difference between a female and male red horse bottle. amusing. ü nindut ning mapalahubog ko'g atik atik.

went home at 3. woke up with a throbbing headache. nazel slept over. i have work when everyone's out for halloween.

naloka ko when i got to work tonight as people can really take advantage of my frail situation. :(

i just want this person to pay. and i thunk lambasting that jerk would be the best way to get even. waah. then again nahadlok ko mastroke.

weekend! cemeteries! laundry! how exciting. :)

i've 7 modules to tweak for the next 10 days. wish me luck. God is faithful despite the fact that you act krung krung when you are surrounded by midgets who thunk they're Goliath.

happy holidays.

love,
Raeyna.

waaah. ako nalang kulang. huwat lang mo. ü

kiki ♥

swiped from shobe's friendster and multiply.

scared?

i did the dumbest thing today. but, at least i'm okay after letting out a huge fit today.

gals should learn a thing or two about taking rag dolls. i don't give them away. you should know that flicker girl.

next!

dich called. i asked whether shobe's okay. she said it's world war 3 ongoing. then smsd later tonight that shobe and tmac both called a truce. ü

naloka ako when her voice was quivering and told me: nge kami gani when we first got married we always had dinuguan for sud-an and i never complained.

i thought i always knew wut was going on with my sisters' lives. am totally oblivious diay. i was also oblivious at the thought that i was being lied to by a neurotic.

oh well.

as they say, it may sound mercenary but there are practice relationships. am glad i only got cuts and bruises and awaiting payment of a debt.

it's hard to trust people these days. masking my IM is suddenly creepy.

nazel tells me i sent her an IM at 7:30 am telling her i can't see. when in fact am already at home, schnoozing.

edits: ana chua is leaving town. shine tells me. sayang. that means shine and i will be left here. and shine's leaving as well. argh. makabulok being here.

booh! happy halloween!

"How depressing would it be to know you're part of the reason things aren't perfect?  To look in on the best of all possible worlds and notice you're not there."
-Ryan North, Dinosaur Comics


 

team bang!

inay sana balang araw maging kasindami ng mga bituin ang mga barya natin..team scarlet and team katherine. From now on, I won’t settle for second best…for I am the best.

bweset am sooooo bored. natapos na ang kaguluhan ng mga taga manille last night. so wala na nag kuring kuring nako sa email run. makatiredness mag wait for action.

love,

am so hung-overed anymore

nazel brought galletas and cai cai wrapped in aji ichiban supot. naexcite ko sa thought that she brought candies from aji ichiban. di diay. nangilad lang ang gaga.

n:una kang naging akin
r: gaano kadalas ang minsan mokong saktan?

wagi na line:
p.a.: di mo ba sha kilala? sha lang naman ang pinaka bonggang bonggang boldstar ngayun!
k: HINDI AKO BOLDSTAR, ARTISTA AKO!

bwahaha. gahd, the things you get sans cable television.

yawetch nasad ako entry title. joe almost cartwheeled when he found out that my lbd with huge bow costs tumatagingting na 25 talisay pesoses! he took my picture so his sister could see. and told me my gladiators didn't work with the dress.
waah.

masarap ang buhay. sana may gambas at this hour. and although i've been feeling like i wanna throw up every sec, i've never been at my happiest just until now.

upload the timely empathy pic na naz. i want my sisters to see how (or agents to see) how visual empathy can be. ü

iisa pa lamang

kay giyofaks najud ko mag shinigles. mag mega join join ko sa bandwagon sa mga bakla sa parlor na nagmemorya sa lines sa soap ni mareng claudine at tito gabi. (i will some day watch it, they say it's good daw in such a pinoyish sappy way:)

♥

Ang ganda-ganda mo na ngayon Katherine, sarap mong patayin! - Isadora

Ikaw ba, totoong nagdadalamhati ka? Kasi napansin ko, kaya mong mag-biro. Kaya lang ang corny mo! Anyway, gusto ko lang malaman mo na lahat nang ‘to, hindi ‘to permanente. Lahat nang iyan, babawiin ko iyan sa ‘yo! - Scarlet

Sige! Maglaro tayo, agawan ng yaman! Pero kung ako sa’yo, kakabahan ako, kasi ako sanay sa hirap. Eh ikaw?

- Katherine

Luluhod ka sa harapan ko at magmamakaawa ka na tanggapin kita ulit! - Scarlet
Kumain ka na. Gutom lang yan! - Miguel 

Tingnan mo nga naman… Lagi mo kasing sinasabing “karma’s a bitch”… Haha.. Yan tuloy, na karma ka na, na knock-out bitch ka pa! Haha!–Miguel

Kapag ang tao’y nagmahal, hindi na mahalaga kung ano man ang tama, kung sino ang humingi at nagbigay, kung sinong nanalo, kung sinong talunan. Ang alam mo lang, nagmamahal ka. Ang alam ko lang, mahal ko sya. Mahal ko sya.- Katherine

weeeeeeeeener!

1 malt, 2 hop, 3 floor

This is what divorce is: taking things you no longer want from people you no longer love.
from "White Teeth" by Zadie Smith

so okay. i really want my gap beanie back.
and the navy blue abercrombie hoodie.
♥

went home 3pm. i asked nazel whether we can go boozing. i downed 3 bottles of real booze and kinda thought that am a big girl for drinking malt and hops. haha. and at her expense cuz i am broke. hehe.

and she got me pepsi and watermelon shake.

sly and janice caught up with us at around 11am.

enuf said. i don't know if anyone of us ever remembered anything we said. in the end siguro, it boiled down to amidst all the misunderstandings, we are all friends. i think that's the point that everyone is driving at.

when i got home i just crashed on the mattress on the floor and woke up with my tummy throbbing. i thought that it's about time that i eat. when i did try to eat some cookies, i ended up throwing them up involuntarily. so ayan. am not starving myself ever again.

it's nice to kiss some boy you really wanna kiss when you finally let go of the frog whom you thought is really your prince. farting words ni raeyna na makabagdamdamin. sakto ako tagalog? haha.

kenji knows his 1 to 10! big boy na baby ko.
i miss my sisters. if i were wealthier one day, i'd buy 3 bungalow houses with a front lawn for all of us. then the kids can run around. and ma can be ma. haha.

nangita kog menteryo na may pagkaon. i got a lunch date with nazel on nov 1 and ting lacson's dinner on nov 2. all at the cemetery. and am asking if anyone else can invite me to their cemetery. i've been asking exfuja pips. i might ask my fan club from hello moto if they have dead people in their family and if they will have food too.

haha. years back mark j. took me to my first cemetery and sate baboy experience and thoroughly enjoyed it. waaaaaah.

chinese cemetery would be the best i guess. kay bongga ang food. i wish hua ming guys and gal friends can remember my existence. haha. am still alive. i want a grave on weekend.


keeping my face to the sunshine,
Raenyberry

possible is mandatory.

"Good. For a moment I thought you were going rational on me. Always remember: In an infinity of worlds, anything is not only possible, it's mandatory."
InterWorld by Neil Gaiman and Michael Reaves

i adore gaiman. <3 and will one day buy all his books. ü

i lost appetite on food. eating by my lonesome after the sister and the penguin left isn't that nice anymore. doesn't anyone loathe pms? my tits are swollen and my arse is painfully annoyingly humongous these days. imagined or unimagined all the same.

today i picked up glass castle again cuz am not too ready to read allende, or start it cuz it's a depressing story of a gal and a photog-and suddenly i have this theory that i might not really want to pick it up for later. i kinda felt really stupid and stagnant these days because i haven't been reading. i can now conclude that i like memoirs more than any made up stories. cuz memoirs are real.

but, i liked gaiman's cuz they're grown-up fairy tales. i liked the morbid snow white where the stepmum gets to be roasted in the end with goose grease and i haven't slept thinking about it. i even told angelo the story months back. it's repulsive.

i am digressing. i managed to cook up a whole pms-woe-is-me afternoon because all i had without food is caffeine and water and showbiz chismis and learning wut cliff diving is and sketching and wanting a real sketchpad and pencils. and not to leave out the fact that i've been watching too much koreanovelas that i could not even follow really well. and then thought it would be great if i read about the wallses again cuz i am still waiting for dich to hand me her hardbound copy of angela's ashes. dich had a different interpretation of the main character's parents. she tells me they were irresponsible and lazy, i'd say the wallses were taught well. in a slight unconventional form of parenting. maybe when one becomes a parent everything would become immaterial except for your relationship with your partner and your kiddies.

so it struck me that i was wallowing. thus i have bolinggit on both eyes. and i've been asked one too many times tonight whether i have been crying.

haha. letseng hormones.

and it rained late afternoon. i am still awfully scared of the pitter-patter of the rain. hayers.

nazel forgot the pasalubong. nalooy nako niya. i don't want her to be the ears for all season when i kept blabbering.

i wonder how manille cd team could ever think that i can collate all stuff by eod? bow.

dich tells me ken is self-disciplined. he would point his pointer finger up and would say "no, no, pank!" hahaha. dili daw kay maspank sha. too cute. and he liked kamikaze(?). my pag-umangkon knows his pop culture.

love,
Raen

kalagot. grr.

Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.
(Bob Ong)


-->KALAGOT.. hahaha..(at sino itong bob ong? tatay nya? tatay nila?)

wistful thinking.

i kinda want the following for Christmas. kani all materyosong kabaliwan but, a gal can always dream. and it's 4 am gimme a break!

snow. and the mall. or mall with snow. during the holiday season.



anna sui magic romance cuz of the fairies. and for pete's sake, it's pink!



a staged photog session with my sisters. and we all hopefully looked as twiggy as back in the day.


anna sui charm bracelet. and a luisa beccaria spring/summer dress like this orange one.



trip to korea. without jay of course! hahaha.

subo, sad :(

am not entirely shhhhhhhhhhure whether i should be writing about this. but, i kinda felt bad that people would really get sacked before christmas.

i've been sacked once. because i wasn't really into work and am always not really into work that's why i think i should either win the lottery or marry rich. kaso eto; if it all revolved around one tiny factor about work and you have no control of it, is it fair that you lose your job over customer satisfaction surveys?

sana chismis lang itich. kakapagod ang mga gantong kabaklooshan.

2005 being an etela. ü

MAYBE A MIRACLE

look at me tita!

there are moments like this, moments you want to hold onto forever, but they're always gone when you realize how great they are. not this one, though. i know right now i want this one to last as long as it can; so i can stay here, barely breathing.
from::MAYBE A MIRACLE

of last week friday at home, going out, having lunch, being sisters, and last photo going to the airport.

if we were born wealthier or wealthiest life would really be unfair to some. hahaha.

to own a dragon(or a snapdragon:)

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, sit down with myself and explain things were going to be okay, that everybody loses ground sometimes and it doesn't mean anything. It's the way life works. This is hard to understand in the moment. You get to thinking about the girl who rejected you, the job you got fired from, the test you failed, and you lose sight of the big picture- that fact that life has a beautiful way of remaking itself every few weeks.

The things that matter right now aren't going to matter a month from now, a year from now.
[Donald Miller]

so terribly true. ü

the sister and the baaaaaad nephew went home last saturday. i thought tears would trickle the moment they'd say gbye but i lost all of them tears amidst the tita--run--after--me commotion that kenji nathaniel caused. i wasn't able to snap a few photos cuz he was acting really baaaaaaaaad. a two year old who couldn't speak kinda bad.

oh, i met the guy i was supposed to marry. with his son and daughter. he even managed to carry kenji for me when i was running after keken. i could've have married him if i were in bacolod 20 years ago. ü

why can't they produce guys with good genes?

haha.

♥

i wanna strangle carlos ting. thank you very much. there. i just want to write it down.

♥

am semi-broke but, at least i have the tp ball game to look forward to this weekend. altho, am not really sure whether i should go there. i wanna go with nazel to the cemetery cuz there's food. and there's valenciana. :) (patay gutom)..


i missed church cuz of the weather. i am unable to finish the laundry cuz it rained today too.

♥
sometimes talk with johnny helps. he points out some things i don't really see. but,i guess sometimes the premise of caring in a friendship should really be thoroughly thought of. and caring should not even show a tinge of crankiness. ü

♥

i still have so much turbos to work on. my voice should not crack.

love,
 


trust the same strength that sustains you to carry your cares too. ü

edits: enuf collateral damage. i've done so much the past few days and i've done this to someone in the past. kaloka. sana i spoke with jeremy early on. sometimes he makes more sense than johnny. hahaha. joke.

If I did nothing wrong, I'd never do anything.

. I would try to be perfect. It was safer there.
-Jane Fonda, My Life So Far

the younger sister and the nephew would go back to cebu tomorrow. so we had pizza at yellow cab for lunch today. and i found out that the terrible 2 stage is real. ü

we window shopped the rest of the afternoon. dich made dinner. we were both emotional when we she was recounting growing up. i kinda thought that our folks gave us neat gifts. each other. cuz in the end when they're not gonna be there, the 3 of us would have each other.

♥

grabeh, tonight's suppose to start okay cuz it's a weekend night. kaso there are difficult people from work rajud. sometimes i kinda think that some people think that they are meant to be atlas and hafta carry the burden of the world. i loathe it when people are not careful with the words they say, when i honestly take care/filter wut i say when words can be hurtful.

moving on. tomorrow's the weekend. nov. 5 is another holiday. ü
 

kairi cate

swiped from shobe

girl crush

sakto ko when i told mareng fifay that the first chanel thing i'd own would either be a lipstick or pressed powder. ü

Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

The happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was never ending
Oh wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true (run, run, run)
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married (we could be married)
And then we'd be happy (then we'd be happy)

Wouldn't it be nice (ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba)

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Oh, wouldn't it be nice

good night my baby
sleep tight my baby

good night my baby
sleep tight my baby

good night my baby
sleep tight my baby

good night my baby
sleep tight my baby

that said.

"Before we are able to receive a gift, from a friend or from nature, we have to be open to it; a bottle with its cap screwed on tightly cannot be filled with water no matter how much water we try to pour into it or how often we try - the water simply runs down its sides, never filling it."

- From Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

nazel came by for breakfast. and saw kenjitoy. as useless the boy would snub everyone. :) napildi si nazel sa pagkasnub.

amongst the great presents i have received lately is the new ccms status that says:
job grade: trainer
department: curriculum development.

weeh! :)

God's been steadfast.

i hope the sister gets a job sooner. i want her in ttech. it's nearer. but, really when we're wealthier we hafta move to cebu cuz shobe's there.

gelo lost his pair of oakley. i wanna cry siomai. :(

again, i realized that unwelcome advice is as good as bad news/ sloppy counsel. so wag mong ipilit unless you are asked.

10/22

before i went to work tonight. i can get used to this. :)

crayola

kenji and one of his dramatic stints. :)
10/22/2008

♥♥♥

I know nothing more shattering than to love with all your heart, than not to be able however hard you try to break yourself of it, someone who you know is worthless.

a casual affair.

keken murdering tigger

he found tigger and loved him at first, then decided to murder him. :)
10/22/2008

kenji does masskarra

photos from the weekend til today.
10/18-10/22, 2008

i cooked lemon shrimps/ made green salad/ did housekeeping/ and babysat kenji. if i only had dichee's life. i am officially envious.

saturday: dinner at home
sunday: lunch at 21/ sm gala/ bob's cafe/ robinson's
monday: gaisano city, bigby's lunch

life can't get any better.

:)

you owe me.

kenji will be here tomorrow!

i might not go out, i got scared when i saw the traffic on the main streets. traffic means crowd. crowd could mean stampede. i don't wanna be stampeded. hahaha. pinast tense. :)

i bought me a very tiny marble mortar and pestle. and it's on sale. :) and i got a knife that actually cut my finger today and a chopping board. am in domestic bliss. :)

i also made a mean strawberry creme cake for dichee's visit. she'll be surprised. shobe would've called my cooking v-tech gundown 2 years ago.

♥
i ate tons last night. so tonight am just eating bread. lol.

seeing sunshine for lunch/dinner and korean hunt next week!
♥
joe asked me why i didn't drop by the nesting bay the other day. the vaklushes reported that i wore something really nice daw. haha. i kinda want to tell him i make it a point to dress nicely altho at times i should've checked whether i can wear heels all night because i have nothing else to do but learn excel, turbo, and dress nicely at work. haha.

♥
i don't want to write hateful things amongst good things. pero ka-gaga gyd sang bae nga ni. i didn't do anything to you. why would you ismid when you'd see me? and to think am honestly scared of you cuz of your shotgun nose.

i despise insecure girls gyd yah.

yawn lang.


even after all this time
the sun never says to the earth,
"you owe me."

look what happens
with a love like that,
it lights the
whole sky!

-Hafiz(Persian poet of the 1300)

wukits..

Be my anxious moment. Only better. Raise a specter. Love is a hazardous chase down crowded streets. I dream my life in your vicinity. If a nunnery you go, I'll become a priest.
The Mad Song by Michael Shiavo

♥
slept whole day today.

it's a bit hard to not be irked at people try as i might to be real nice, kaso some retorts get me gyud and i happen to be more maldita than they know..

am officially a part of the c.d. team i heard. :)

i might try tutoring koreans on weekend. as i suggested that sunshine do the same to have smore moolah for savings. :) yey! i hope this gets materialized. i wanna do something productive aside from being in the call center.

am also praying for this scholarship/grant/fellowship to study retail(and photog for the boyf), i sure hope i'd get a positive feedback within the month. sana.

life's been treating me well.

:)

:)

i kinda feel alot happier lately knowing that i offered all things to Him and He can take it from there. am also happier that i found gal pals who aren't from work(technically) at last. ü

ana and shine remind me of me when i was younger.
shine and i got coffee from bob's on the 21st street then asked ana to catch up with us at the 21 restaurant. we had pansit malabon. hehe.
1 hour chika. gosh. i love these girls.
they're not competitive, they're sure of themselves, and there's no hint of being insecure.

am just all about happiness these days. (too lazy to start another blog post)
the boyf and i made fried chicken for lunch and we ran out of rice, so we had to make do.

one thing i hate about this city is that everyone i meet seems to have this belligerent attitude amongst them. it's draining. yawn lang.

attended an impromptu concall. kaloka.
God has been great. :)


Certain things they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone. I know that's impossible, but it's too bad anyway.

J.D.Salinger
The Catcher in the Rye

umuwi ka na baby

i don't know when. about 7 months ago maybe.

raen: they're crazy.
butterfly: so are we, we are like characters in alice in wonderland.

photos from johnelle's friendster. sooo sweet. :)

wanda the fish says..

Domestic happiness and faithful friends.

♂♀

you can almost always trust that despite of "stuff", people are almost always good deep down in the core. save some of course. :)

smitten

am bitten by the happy jolly jumpy bug. i guess last sunday's service did something really odd to me, altho not totally cuz i kinda snapped back at someone kanina without that person noticing it. anyway, kevs. let's move on to being content and happy and just crushing. and singing :
Umuwi ka na baby, Hindi na ako sanay ng wala ka//
Mahirap ang mag-isa, At sa gabi’y hinahanap-hanap kita. ü hahaha. letse.

oh well. lethal crushing on a newbie na may breshes. :) grabeh cute people allover. arbie is still the prettiest gal in my opinion.
i feel like a loser for not being able to go clubbing when carlos called tonight. i don't want to second that feeling on sunday. i will go out. with carlos ting and his crew-char and jakathra dyosa! :)
but, i have kenji to baby sit. the sis and the nephew will stay for a week. job hunt et al.
i wonder why i feel so wealthy. i am wealthy because there are better people in my life now. :)

cannot wait for the beach!

'What about me?'
'What about you?'
'What about me?'
'You'll be fine.'
'I don't know,' I say. 'I don't think so.'
'Let's talk about something else.'
'What about me?' I scream, choking.
'Come on..' the psychiatrist says. 'Don't be so... mundane.'
-bret easton ellis - less than zero

photo dump

of last sunday at time out with the gals
and photos this october from annie's flickr and nazel's phone.

"I didn't have any friends at school, didn't want any. I felt better being alone. I sat on a bench and watched the others play and they looked foolish to me."
Ham On Rye,Charles Bukowski