old entry [and by old, i mean OLD] from my lj

14 Sept. 2004

2:41 am

 

It will be beautiful

        

             and okay and better

             

                             after today.

 

 

 

Sa ka-OC I re-read my mails first before sending Ü

Most of the stuff I wrote still hold true til todae...Ü

[doin' this because I've no LJ-worthy]

 

- on the adaptation of snow white

         After the prince told her she's beautiful, exquisitely beautiful............" What does that mean?" She asked. She meant: Why should everyone see outside first, why can't people say that she's kind/ giving/ loving/ generous?-----------> A beautiful heart ♥

(22 May 2003)

 

-on who I am if I were a character in the Bible

          I'm a Paul character, some people are Moses/ Abraham, it'll help daw if I listened more....

(22 May 2003)

 

-on God

    God had been pretty patient with me. I'm not the nicest/ dearest child He has at the moment because I act as if I am orphaned. Feeling ko I am an orphaned Christian....

(9 Aug. 2004)

 

    Jace, dyo think I should be in love with God first? I promised I'd keep a relationship with Him first. God's pretty good with timing. 3 months of desperation because am penniless and without a job, lil did I know that it bought me some time to sleep til I stink/ make paper beads/ do laundry/ box my junks.....God's time is always good time, this I've learned so far.

(1 June 2004)

 

   I tell God that there are tons of reasons in my life right now that scream GRATITUDE and ELATION but, they are too close to my face, they come in too blurry.....

 

    

  I didn't ask God that I will be cheated  on a relationship. I didn't ask Him to make me cry. Didn't jud. I asked Him to take care of my heart. Or is it I who wasn't taking care of mine?

(6 Sept. 2004)

 

-on Nash/LJ

    I hate the fact that LJ stole my guy, that Nash could love her more than he did ♥ me and showed Cebu to her in a beautiful way. But, it hurts more to lose her friendship to a guy who speaks broken english/ who is more materialistic than I/ and played with my heart, and made me cry and is still making me... I hate the fact that two people I loved soo well are making/turning me into a huge illogical green-eyed monster.

     

   .....(they) instead showed me the worse that I can be.

  

  I hurt every time I see them in Sykes, together. I hurt, and I even hurt soo much that I feel like throwing up. Ana xa.

(6 Sept. 2004)

 

  I am constantly stalked by my screwed relationship with Nash and LJ. It still makes me cringe seeing them together.

(25 Oct. 2004)

 

-on ♥ issh

  What's wrong with rushing in Jace? What's wrong with giving your ♥ too soon? What's wrong with approaching love with reckless abandon? (quoting an indian mantra)

(6 Sept. 2004)

 

-on people I used to see

  He's not pogi, yet he smells great. I've known him/ his existence since I'm 17 but, I never thought I'd go out with him. I'm like the easiest girl on earth right now but, I do not care. I am in like.

(1 June 2004)

 

  I asked God to lemme not lose him. The thought of him makes me smile. Although it's foolish to be in like with him.....I will smile in folly.

(11 Oct. 2004)

 

 He tells me I am beautiful and I am special, so I deserved the best raw.... the one thing about him is.....he's good at being a dad.

(25 Oct. 2004)

 

-on faith

  Faith will not be measured by my absence in a church on Sunday. Altho I know that I've to reclaim my Sundays.

(13 Sept. 2004)

 

-on me

  I am barely living. I think I am enveloped in selfishness/ self-centeredness that I am making myself ill.

 

 A college buddy told me that I am prurient....that word is scarey...if I were the noun and prurient would be the adjective, it is an outrage.

(13 Sept. 2004)

 

 I'll try to stay okay. I'll make the common things be reasons for happiness, am good at that when I was in Davao, here, I no longer know myself........

 

.......and I am lost.

 

I want someone to take care of me sooner. I wanna get married now, so I don't have to work. so I could just mother someone's kids/ be a wife/ do the laundry/ prune the plants/ go grocery shopping/ fix his dinner. I wanna marry rich. Bitaw. Who doesn't?

(25 Oct. 2005)

 

 

-on something else

  They were senior year couples, after 40 years pa sila nagkita balik in a reunion, the girl widowed, the guy, long-time divorced.... After the reunion they found out that they still loved each other. (sad no?) They got married afterwards. I do not wish to spend my life empty and in my sunset years marry my first love.

(02 Jan. 2005)