i thought you knew this song is about you. don't you?

Up A Road Slowly, Irene Hunt

"It happens the world over- we love ourselves more than we do the one we say we love. We all want to be Number One; we've got to be Number One or nothing! We can't see that we could make ourselves loved and needed in the Number Two, or Three, or Four spot. No sir, we've got to be Number One, and if we can't make it, we'll rip and tear at the loved on till we've ruined ever smidgin of love that was ever there."

i ended a 13 month relationship with gelo last sunday. it's odd how i finally saw that living with him is over. the past year he has been family, confidante, love, and all things revolved around him. he was a city to me.


and so, wala nang gifts. wala nang hati sa rent. :( and everything i got used to when he was around will eventually change.

after he left last night, all i can do is plop on our shared mattress and sleep. i could not cry anymore. the past 2 days, i caused him to cry more than the tears i cried last year.

the apartment is left with more space. and is emptier when i looked at it today. i took time to clean and organize my things half the day.

i don't know how to be someone else's.. and i don't know who'll hold him now.

--


saturday, we decided to date. we saw zohan. it was fun. we bought sour cream popcorn from taters, and had lunch at shakey's. we even played bingo and lost. :)

sunday, we talked about how i felt choked or strangled by him. i decided to spend the afternoon away from him. when i got home, i knew things would not go back to how they were. --

it's odd how my im headshot happened to be us.


-- they say regret is a bitter pill. and regret is a time-waster. i am blessed to have known angelo. in so many ways my life has been enriched by him.

i just wish he'd find the heart to forgive me one day. my heart is not with me still. he took half of it when he left.