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It took me the whole day to start rummaging thru my stuff, what to throw away, what to keep, what might come in handy and useful. I was almost tearful when I got to having to part with the old receipts of purchases and dinner and lunch out with joey and steph, the tissues and napkins from east west or bigby’s I’ve saved when am there with my siblings or the family or with my gals, the movie tickets I kept when soy was still in cebu lalo na those I marked his seat and my seat, the skittles wrap from ron because it took him to go around the city just to find me those candies, chips’ bags and coffee packets from marc when he got hospitalized and I managed to get him out of chonghua in the middle of the night, the empty tea bags from shangrila, the whole scrapbook of cebu…they all went to the to junk box. I had sorted thru the stuff, the accessories I’m keeping, the beany babies, and the documents I might need for a new job. I just can’t take the breakables with me such as the oil burner…argh. It’s amazing that you can actually see how you have had been the previous years through the things that piled up at home, some things are just hard to part with because I know that should I leave them in cebu, am never gonna have anything tangible that will remind me of a certain person, place, or situation.
<< I didn’t ask for it to be over but then again I didn’t ask for it to begin for that’s the way it is with life. As some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance but even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets.>>
Sadness and excitement are creeping into me, this is a new bittersweet experience altogether. I know am not leaving any pair of shoe, am leaving some bags behind, some of them reflect my babyish more likely imbecile taste, hehehe, am not sure about clothes though, some of the books am taking, I might have time to read.
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God I hate the dyou remember and the rewinds that I’ve to face should I end up packing, a part of me is scared, a part of me wouldn’t want to give up cebu, cuz wut if I cannot go back? What if I am misleading myself into believing that life would be breezier elsewhere? And whatever happened to the plans of moving back to
<< It seems that life could be compared to a jigsaw puzzle with each pieces so much like a person, having a place where they fit perfectly yet so many in there need to belong. Grab the first piece they come to, try to make it fit and because of this they are quite in harmony with their adjoining pieces, thus they never get to know the why it was truly meant to be.>>
Will the people I found special and beautiful ever think about me without me reminding them that I am still in existence? Will I do without steph and joey, it’s different without them…different without the people I got used to being around with or knowing that they are around because we are in the same city. Anyway marc made it to davao intact, soy left and is still equally happy, many of my friends left and found their place under the sun, why can’t I find my way some place where my things and I would belong together? God I badly needed to know what I should do.
<< it’s not easy this thing called life with its broken dreams and lonely nights and all the things that didn’t work out right. It would be easier if it came with a script of who we were to meet and the right things to say and nothin’ but sunshine filling each day. Yes, it would be easier but it wouldn’t be life.>>
July 9, 2006
Better together
Jack Johnson
Disclaimer: am still not sure if am really ever gonna make it to piyayaland. ;( call me now…
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fallen rain. (: