this time the cut went deep

(bear with the typos, am blogging like a mad gal)

july 15- i finally accepted that bumming is an acceptable state to be in. i slept all day/ answered kai's phone calls late in the afternoon til evening. am glad she called. i would die being wanton and not being able to associate with another being.

sunday, july 16, finally decided to make it to church, an almost spur of the moment thingy/ i've been putting off church for a while now until i saw magi in ayala while out with kathra. and she emailed that she will be in church come sunday plus i miss her and Him anyway. Ü sayang, marsi did not get to go with us, the slowpoke that she is.... hehehe

praise and worship did the trick,i got goosebumps allover, and am like " thank You for making life seem easier in comparison to my mrm/aol days and making this sunday a particularly beautiful sunday..."

then the pastor was preaching abt manifestations of Christians slash our body is a temple....am guilty of not being attentive cuz i've been texting ppl....but, before the service ended, the minister was saying something like...." we do not need better condoms..... if you are a young man/woman who are sleeping together split up or get married....."

awww. conviction hurts.

during lunch with magi verlaine smsd why i seemed different- she meant why wasn't i whining.... later in the evening i realized that lance's sms made my sunday, plus the fact that sunday is one of my fave days and am not at work....

oh i saw my fave ppl along the way....(figuratively and literally)

i saw the jerk of mrm, to hell i care. he did not really ruin the day.

after seeing pirates of the carribean with riz and magi (twas queueing, the whole crowd could make for FIFA, and i wonder if dyosa's ryt, that subtitles helped, i did not really dig the film, plus i did not get to see the prequel, so sue me) dulce and honeygo caught up wit us, on the way to bo's i saw lj....it was funny because i did not know until yesterday that i am capable of phsically injuring people.... and at 22 we stopped talking, now am 24, i should've moved on.... then i saw my fave mag ina in the world, geneva and matmat.... nagbitch fit ang ako baby girl in shingles.... " no mommy no....you weren't listening"

muchos later, i saw ron and tindera ng mais....i could've walked up to him and told him what a fake he is and if he thinks am a cheat he is a bigger cheat than i am..... then again, it was almost a year ago, so i rest my case. (july20, 2005)

went home and i got a 150 prepiad credit on my phone....people we can still believe in outryt generosity of others. hehehehe

i wanted to stay up the whole nyt cuz i've been texting marsi, kai, ryan, fifay, verlaine,narda..... then i resigned to sleeping..... however, this sunday night i made the most insights about my past year.....

that at times i would blanche out and under my breath would explain why him and i were short-lived. why i'm not extremely blameless or why he is not exactly at fault..... i'm tired of having to explain that i am unfit of a boy gal relationship, that it's easier to understand girls and girly confidences.... and yes, i get hurt and become bitter and will think relationships can be cumbersome for a time, then i move on not because it's easy to move on, it's just that i am that..... and am not to explain myself to friends or ppl who cared because in the first place they should've understood full well....

and the hugest of all insight..... raen yer a bum. stop.

magi, thanks for spending the sunday with moi...and riz eto ang pinakawindang statement na ginamit mo say guy, minemoria ko baka magamit eh/ you hate seeing me cry but, still you continue to give me reasons not to stop crying. hehehe. wagi!

and verlainey, kudos to you for getting a job at deutsche bank out of being depressed because germany did not win the cup....am proud of you. love you.