so wut’s it gonna be?

Only someone very young can do that- move without hesitation- because the older you are, whether you intend it or not, you get attached. You lay down roots, feel an uncomfortable kinship with the soul beneath your feet. Certain things become meaningful and irreplaceable and no matter how much you like to travel or adore your destinations, you will always return to that thing that only exists for you here. –Constance on leaving Grasse

 

Am stuck in a dead end situation, by the time I’ve posted this I wish all of these are over. My regularization performance appraisal bonus is screwed, am counting on it that way I don’t have to wait for the last pay that will take forever before the company would give it to me.  Was there ever a time that you feel like everything seemed to be up in the air, and you plan on doing something but you’d have to resign to being still, to having to wait for a while and that little while seemed to be taking freaking forever?

 

 

Why is it that I’ve to trade things so I can get one thing I wanted and give up on another? Not everyone had to go thru this I know. I am sure. To be able to sleep at night I’ve to not make it to work or give up work as a matter of fact. Lord, why did I ever plan on giving up davao for this? Will I deserve what I have had before? Been thinking of packing, the rest of my stuff goes to freight, while I carry a trolley and a gym bag. That’s wut mothergoose told me. I have this clear picture of piyayaland and somehow if I do not make it there last week of july, I will not speak of disappointment because it will be drawn all over my face.

 

They say: the darkest hour is the best time to see the stars. It is when life seems most harsh and painful that the most wonderful blessings arrive.

 

I wish I can restate that every time as my affirmation. Lord I do not want to see the stars, I’d love it when it would rain at night, but, tomorrow lemme have my plans and dreams coming their way to me.

 

 

 

\Lord lemme marry jack johnson…hahahaha\

 

This would be the second pack up the luggage that am gonna do as an adult, the fourth of those this time this job might work out for me. I will never know…

 

Oh I saw inside men with my folks. Today. July 8.I did not dig it. Booh. Am not einstein’s kid.

 

Ohlife…be nicer, I would do yoga, I would eat healthy, I would not purposely hurt anyone. I will not screw up this time. Iamamess.iamstillangry.i am wide awake and panicking.   

 

  

1 chronicles 4:10

jabez cried out to the God of Israel: oh that You would bless me and enlarge my territory, let Your hand be with me and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain! And God granted his request.

 

 

Never look for right in the other man,

But never cease to be right yourself…

Never look for justice, but never

Cease to live it… Oswald Chambers

 

  

Hand me down

Matchbox20

July8, 2006