the adventure of alice in wonderland.

"There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream."
 -The Long Goodbye

okay, i might need a drink next saturday. kaso i cannot say no to ricky. it's been two weeks of delay nah. and that withstanding invite for small group is much needed to be rsvpd(yawetch nasad kog grammar.) so next week i'm showing up.

i told someone i felt like a ghost. or i am going to be a ghost. i even told angelo i felt downright insecure. i guess it came with the fever i had since wednesday. or maybe because i kinda felt inadequate with everything lately. or maybe am being too uptight or am oa trying so hard to measure up. kaso i think i've been told 1 million times, i am not answerable to people or their harsh judgements or to wut they think of me. i measure up to how He will measure me.

yawn lang.

did not show up for work friday night cuz i had discomfort in breathing. saturday, i walked to the neighborhood's ER and i'm told i have pneumonia, i opted not to be confined cuz no one will baby sit keken.

sunday, the mother and grandmother are in bacolod. i've had a good lecture in values education et al. sigh.

and i went ballistic cuz i wasn't invited to the ball game. haha. and am just smsing old friends cuz i have no life when am broke and ill.

monday, i had to go see another doctor in riverside cuz my antibiotics weren't working. he changed my antibiotics and i had chest xray.(which reminds me to get the results tomorrow..)
despite the bronchial everything, i had to go with dich and look for an agency for keken's nanny. wala pa rin. we also had to do groceries.

babysat ken today. and thank You Lord for love life. if not makabuang this city.

all of a sudden i feel like am the character in raising helen. i have a nephew, a sister, and grandmother to be responsible for. the past two years i've only been responsible for no one but me, then had to be accountable to a boyfy, then now, to a family. nakuratan ko sa show.

the bathroom floor is always wet, meals had to be prepared, and i've to babysit. i am not complaining. God's been teaching me a lesson in patience and how charity really begins at home.

okay, ayoko nang maging dukha.

love muchos,
Raen