just sorry i can't write

"I have a million images, all personal and torn they last but an intense moment, but reoccurring the second time they lead to new ones. And so I rush on from one new discovery to the next, telling myself I'll return and play with this or that. Of course, I never do indulge in this play for when I return the first image in past and with it the power to grasp with enthusiasm. I am a blundering image-seeker who thrives on the ironic tricks my thoughts find one very side. Bless a twisted thing - fuck the blessing, just forgive. Oh, baloney, I'm just sorry I can't write."

Neal Cassady Collected Letters, 1944-1967