prince eric on a detour

I feel like it’s not about anyone or being in a fucked up relationship anymore.

I pondered that thru all that has been hapnin what is mainly highlighted is my impatience and

I end up in compromise and disobedience thus my heart gets bruised. The one time that I felt completely not needing to wrap my little arms around a boy’s arm was that summer when all I had in cebu were joey and stephie and my sisters..

 

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I was happy with being broke and going broke shopping, with movies and reruns, and with being a pig and I am okay. Until I fucked it up with a relationship that I so hope He would eventually approve of..

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I tell Him, it’s okay, he is a minister’s son, and I’d get to sit on the pews with him and listen to his dad speak on a nice balmy Sunday.. screw all that..

My trying to convince God did me no good.

 

No prince eric would not want to give half a heart, wouldn’t hit on yer friend while he is dating you, wouldn’t tell you he’s not in church when in fact he is, and most of all, wouldn’t hit you or fucking go psycho when he is drunk.. he would actually want you to be the well-kept woman you oughta be.

 

I mean a couple of months ago, I saw me walking a safe distance behind some guy becuz he has a 2 year old relationship he wouldn’t risk losing to me, I let that go because I thought, it was okay cuz he opens the door of his pick up truck for me and would hold me close when we are together; I was soooo sure he’d choose me, after all we both shared same common things that his gal lacked..

 

We’re part-chinese, we’ve same jobs, and best of all, we have church as a commonplace..

Crap, he chose 2 year-relationship. tells me what transpired between us was a case of him lacking self-control..

 

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My ego was bruised as badly as the condition of my heart is.. there are times when I wind up crying inconsolably.. I asked Him why. He answers; you did not obey..

 

Then I find myself seeing another person, only to learn he was dating practically every gal in this city! And knew only later that he is engaged and has a daughter.. that bastard..

 

Again, am like, wut the fuck now?  Nuts, Lord, how will I get it right this time? He would tell me, child you never get it do you? Even if it sounds cliché- well only fools rush in.. Esther had to go thru a year to get her acts together, be clothed properly, filter her speech, be bathed in fragrant oils to become the king’s queen..

 

It’s the same thing.. you do not nurse a broken heart by being careened into another potential heartbreak..

 

You come up with the excuse that you are seeing a Christian.. that would not measure up to how a relationship works and how that should please Me.. I am stripping you off of what you perceive to be a security blanket so that only in Me you can remember that yer heart is safe and whole..

 

So, again, if i might act on impatience ever again, I might want to rethink and remind myself it’s no fun walking behind some steps behind a guy cuz prince eric would always want to walk beside me.

 

 

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Crap, swearing helps at times..

 

 

 

RAEN